Saying “I’m sorry” when you’ve messed up should be simple, but for some parents, it’s one of the hardest things to do.
Even when they know they’ve hurt their kids, they might do everything they can to avoid taking responsibility, leaving things unresolved and causing a lot of damage to their relationship. While it can be frustrating, understanding why they struggle to apologise can give a bit of insight into their mindset and behaviour. Some of these reasons come from deep-seated beliefs, while others are shaped by personal fears and past experiences. These aren’t excuses, by any means, but they do help with understanding where they’re coming from.
1. They were raised to believe parents are always right.
Many parents grew up in households where authority was never questioned, and admitting fault was seen as a weakness. If they were taught that parents should always be respected, regardless of their mistakes, apologising might feel like losing control. Because of that, it can be hard for them to admit they were wrong, even when they know they should. In their mind, saying sorry might seem like it undermines their position as the leader of the family. Instead of viewing apologies as a way to strengthen relationships, they see them as a challenge to their authority. Because of this, they may avoid taking responsibility altogether, hoping that their child will simply move on.
2. They associate apologising with weakness.
For some, saying sorry feels like admitting failure, which they may find uncomfortable or even threatening. They might believe that strong leaders, including parents, should always appear confident and in control. Instead of seeing an apology as an act of maturity, they view it as giving up power in the relationship. If they were raised in environments where vulnerability was discouraged, they might struggle with acknowledging their own mistakes. Rather than admitting fault, they might deflect, justify their actions, or pretend nothing happened. Their avoidance doesn’t mean they don’t care; it just means they’re uncomfortable facing their own flaws.
3. They see it as losing control.
Some parents believe that keeping authority means never backtracking or appearing uncertain. They fear that if they admit to making mistakes, their child will start questioning them more often. It can lead to stubbornness, where they refuse to apologise simply to maintain a sense of dominance. However, refusing to acknowledge mistakes can do more harm than good. Instead of reinforcing authority, it can create emotional distance between parent and child. Children who never receive apologies may grow up feeling unheard, learning that mistakes should be ignored rather than corrected.
4. They don’t realise the impact of their words or actions.
What seems like a harmless comment or decision to them might have deeply affected their child. If they don’t recognise the emotional weight of their words, they won’t see a reason to apologise. Without self-awareness, they may dismiss their child’s feelings as an overreaction rather than acknowledging their mistake. It’s especially common if they were raised in a home where emotions weren’t openly discussed. If their own parents never acknowledged hurt feelings, they may struggle to see why an apology is necessary. Unfortunately, the lack of understanding can create lasting emotional wounds.
5. They believe their intentions matter more than the outcome.
Some parents justify their actions by focusing on their good intentions rather than the harm caused. They might think, “I was trying to help” or “I only did it because I love you,” as if that erases any hurt they caused. Thinking that way keeps them from acknowledging that even well-meaning actions can be painful. While intentions are important, they don’t cancel out the effects of hurtful words or actions. Children, like anyone else, need their feelings validated. When a parent refuses to apologise because they meant well, it can feel like their emotions don’t matter.
6. They think their sacrifices overwrite their mistakes.
Parents who have worked hard to provide for their children may feel that their efforts should outweigh any harm they’ve caused. They believe that because they’ve given so much, they shouldn’t have to apologise for small things. That can make their child feel unheard, as their pain is dismissed in favour of everything the parent has done right. It can make children feel like their emotions are unimportant compared to their parents’ struggles. While gratitude for a parent’s sacrifices is important, it doesn’t mean mistakes should be ignored. Apologising doesn’t erase the hard work they’ve done; it simply acknowledges when something hurtful has happened.
7. They’re scared of losing respect.
Apologising can feel like a risk if they believe it will make their child respect them less. They may worry that admitting mistakes will weaken their authority and lead to being challenged more often. In reality, taking responsibility usually earns more respect, but their fear keeps them from seeing that. Children don’t expect their parents to be perfect, but they do appreciate honesty. A heartfelt apology can strengthen trust, showing that their parent values fairness and accountability. Ironically, refusing to apologise can have the opposite effect, making a child respect them less.
8. They think time will erase the issue.
Instead of addressing conflicts, some parents assume that if they ignore them, the problem will fade away. They believe that as long as things go back to normal, there’s no need to bring up the past. However, unresolved hurt doesn’t just disappear, and avoiding an apology can lead to lasting resentment. The longer it goes on, the more unaddressed pain can build into emotional distance, making it harder to connect. While some wounds might fade, others linger, shaping how a child views their parent. A simple apology can be the difference between a relationship that heals and one that slowly deteriorates.
9. They’re uncomfortable with vulnerability.
For some parents, apologising feels too emotional or exposing, making them avoid it altogether. If they struggle with expressing feelings, they may find it easier to move on without ever addressing the issue. The emotional discomfort can make them seem cold or dismissive, when they actually just don’t know how to be vulnerable. Instead of avoiding the conversation, learning to express regret in a simple and sincere way can go a long way. Even something as small as, “I didn’t mean to hurt you, and I’m sorry if I did,” can make a child feel heard and valued.
10. They think their child should apologise first.
Some parents expect their child to admit fault before they consider saying sorry. If an argument happened, they may feel that both sides were wrong and that apologising first would make them seem weak. This can create a stand-off where neither side feels heard or validated. In reality, taking responsibility doesn’t mean the other person is blameless; it just shows emotional maturity. If a parent leads by example, it can encourage their child to take accountability as well, creating a more balanced dynamic.
11. They assume their child already forgives them.
Some parents think that because they’re family, forgiveness should be automatic. They assume that their child understands they didn’t mean any harm and will eventually move on. However, forgiveness is often easier when an apology has been given, and assuming it doesn’t make the pain go away. Just like anyone else, children need acknowledgment when they’ve been hurt. Even if they still love and respect their parent, hearing an apology can bring closure. It reassures them that their feelings are valid, rather than something to be brushed aside.
12. They’ve never seen an apology change anything.
If they grew up in an environment where apologies were rare or meaningless, they may not see the point in saying sorry. They might believe that apologising won’t fix anything, so they don’t even try. In reality, a sincere apology can repair relationships, but they may not realise its impact until they experience it themselves. Changing these patterns starts with recognising that apologies aren’t just about fixing the past — they’re about strengthening connections for the future. A simple “I’m sorry” can mean more than they realise, creating a healthier and more open family dynamic.
