Narcissists are like chameleons that blend into your life and make themselves seem indispensable.
No matter how intelligent and perceptive you are, it’s possible for a narcissist to be in your life for a long time before you even realise it — that’s how convincing they are. Here are some of the sneaky things they do to keep you wrapped around their finger for as long as possible.
1. They shower you with excessive compliments and affection, especially at the beginning.
Source: Unsplash Narcissists often love bomb you with affection, gifts, and attention to make you feel special and adored. This whirlwind of positive emotions creates a powerful bond, making it difficult to see their true intentions. The excessive compliments and affection can be intoxicating, making you crave their approval and validation.
2. They play on your insecurities and fears.
Narcissists have an uncanny ability to identify your weaknesses and exploit them. They might subtly belittle your achievements, undermine your confidence, or make you feel guilty for expressing your needs. By constantly chipping away at your self-esteem, they make themselves seem like the only person who truly understands and accepts you.
3. They isolate you from your friends and family.
Your support system is a threat to a narcissist because those people see through the toxic facade. As a result, they might plant seeds of doubt about your friends’ intentions, create drama within your family, or guilt-trip you for spending time with anyone but them. This isolation makes you more dependent on them for emotional support and validation.
4. They gaslight you into questioning your own reality.
Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic where the narcissist denies or rewrites reality to make you doubt your own sanity. They might deny saying or doing something, blame you for their mistakes, or invalidate your feelings. This constant manipulation can leave you feeling confused, disoriented, and unsure of what to believe.
5. They use intermittent reinforcement to keep you hooked.
Source: Unsplash Narcissists often use a pattern of intermittent reinforcement, where they alternate between affection and cruelty. This inconsistency creates an addictive cycle, where you crave their approval and constantly strive to win back their love. The occasional moments of kindness make you believe that they’re capable of change, keeping you hopeful and invested in the relationship.
6. They project their own flaws and insecurities onto you.
If a narcissist accuses you of doing something, you’d better believe they’re guilty of that very thing. If they’re insecure about their intelligence, they might call you stupid. If they’re dishonest, they might accuse you of lying. This projection is a defence mechanism that allows them to avoid taking responsibility for their own shortcomings.
7. They create a sense of dependency by making you feel like you need them.
Source: Unsplash Narcissists position themselves as the only person who can truly understand and support you. They might offer unsolicited advice, take control of your finances, or make decisions for you. This dependency makes it difficult to imagine life without them, even when you know the relationship is toxic.
8. They manipulate you with guilt and shame.
Source: Unsplash Making you feel guilty for expressing your needs or standing up for yourself is a narcissist’s forte. They might accuse you of being selfish, ungrateful, or insensitive. This guilt-tripping makes it difficult to assert your boundaries or leave the relationship.
9. They play the victim to gain sympathy and control.
When confronted with their own wrongdoings, narcissists will often twist the narrative to make themselves appear as the victim. They might exaggerate their suffering, blame you for their mistakes, or claim that they were simply trying to help you. This manipulation can make you feel guilty and responsible for their unhappiness, keeping you trapped in the cycle of abuse.
10. They threaten to hurt themselves or other people if you leave.
Be prepared for emotional blackmail from the narcissist when you try to leave the relationship. They might threaten to harm themselves, harm you, or harm someone you love if you try to walk away. These threats are designed to instil fear and keep you under their control.
11. They hoover you back in when you try to move on.
Even after you’ve broken free from a narcissist, they may try to “hoover” you back into the relationship. This involves showering you with affection, apologies, and promises of change. They might even try to manipulate you through shared memories or guilt trips. It’s important to remember that this is just another tactic to regain control, and their behaviour is unlikely to change in the long run.
12. They try to ruin your reputation.
When a narcissist realises they are losing control, they may attempt to damage your reputation by spreading rumours, lies, or half-truths about you to mutual friends and family. This is done to isolate you further and make it difficult for you to find support outside of the relationship. It also serves as a way for the narcissist to maintain their own image and deflect blame for the relationship’s demise.
