We’re often our harshest critics, beating ourselves up for things that aren’t even in our control.
It’s a major waste of time and energy, and it’s also really unfair to ourselves. If you don’t let go of unnecessary guilt and recognise what’s not your fault, you end up making yourself miserable — and your life ends up being even harder than it would have been if you just cut yourself some slack. If you’re hard on yourself for these things, it’s time to stop.
1. Other people’s bad behaviour
Source: Unsplash When someone acts poorly—whether it’s a friend snapping at you or a coworker being rude—it’s easy to wonder if you did something wrong. They might even blame you directly, which only adds to the confusion. But their actions are a reflection of them, not you. You’re not responsible for how other people choose to behave, so don’t carry the weight of their issues. Focus on how you react, not what they do.
2. Not being perfect all the time
Perfection is impossible, yet we still feel guilty when we fall short of it. Missing a deadline, forgetting an appointment, or making a mistake doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means you’re human. Even the most successful people mess up more often than they admit. Cut yourself some slack and focus on progress, not perfection. Life is messy, and that’s okay.
3. Relationships that didn’t work out
Whether it’s a friendship or a romantic relationship, it takes two to make it work—and two to let it go. If you’ve done your best, that’s all you can do. Blaming yourself for something that required mutual effort is unfair to you and keeps you stuck in the past. Some relationships are lessons, not failures, and realising that can help you move forward with less guilt.
4. Being born into tough circumstances
None of us choose the family, financial situation, or environment we’re born into. If you’ve had to overcome challenges, that’s a testament to your strength, not a reason to feel guilty. Comparing your situation to people who’ve had it easier isn’t helpful either—you’re playing a completely different game. Don’t hold yourself responsible for circumstances that were never in your control, and celebrate how far you’ve come despite them.
5. Feeling emotions you “shouldn’t” feel
Sadness, anger, jealousy—they’re all part of being human. Beating yourself up for having certain emotions only makes things worse. Instead, acknowledge your feelings and remind yourself that they’re valid. It’s not about avoiding emotions; it’s about learning how to process them. Your feelings are a signal, not a weakness, and understanding them can help you grow emotionally stronger.
6. Saying “no” when you need to
Setting boundaries is necessary, not selfish, but it can come with a side of guilt. If you’ve ever blamed yourself for declining an invitation or saying no to a favour, stop. Protecting your energy and time isn’t something you should apologise for—it’s an act of self-care. People who respect you will understand, and those who don’t probably aren’t prioritising your well-being anyway.
7. The way other people feel about you
You can’t control how other people see you, no matter how hard you try. If someone doesn’t like you or misjudges you, it’s not a reflection of your worth. People see the world through their own lenses, shaped by their experiences and insecurities. Trying to please everyone is exhausting and impossible, so let go of the blame and focus on being true to yourself. You don’t need everyone’s approval to live a fulfilling life.
8. Life not going according to plan
Life has a way of throwing curveballs—job losses, unexpected changes, or plans falling apart. It’s natural to feel frustrated, but blaming yourself for things you couldn’t predict isn’t fair. You can’t control everything, and adapting to the unexpected is part of the journey. Remind yourself that resilience is more valuable than having everything go perfectly. Often, the detours lead to the most rewarding experiences in the long run.
9. Your body not looking a certain way
Society’s beauty standards are relentless, and it’s easy to feel like you’re falling short. But your body isn’t a problem to fix—it’s your home. Stop blaming yourself for not fitting into an unrealistic mould, and start appreciating all the amazing things your body does for you. Whether it’s keeping you alive, helping you move, or letting you experience the world, your body deserves gratitude, not blame. Prioritising health over aesthetics can be a game-changer.
10. Mistakes you made while learning
No one gets it right on the first try, whether it’s a new job, skill, or experience. Blaming yourself for mistakes you made while figuring things out is counterproductive. Mistakes are proof that you’re trying, and they’re an essential part of growth. Think of them as stepping stones toward improvement rather than setbacks. Even the most accomplished people were once beginners, stumbling their way to success.
11. Not meeting other people’s expectations
Living your life to please everyone else is a recipe for guilt and frustration. If someone else’s expectations are making you feel like you’re falling short, ask yourself if they’re reasonable—or even aligned with your goals. You’re allowed to prioritise your own happiness over someone else’s standards. At the end of the day, you’re the one living your life, not them, so make choices that feel authentic to you.
12. Needing help sometimes
Asking for help doesn’t mean you’re weak; it means you’re human. Whether it’s leaning on a friend, talking to a therapist or counsellor, or taking a break when you’re overwhelmed, needing support isn’t a failure. Blaming yourself for not “handling it all” alone just adds unnecessary pressure. Even the strongest people rely on other people sometimes—it’s how we’re wired as social beings.
