Some people seem deep at first, but the more you get to know them, the more you realise there’s just not much going on beneath the surface.
Whether they’re obsessed with image or allergic to self-reflection, it’s tough to form a real connection or have a meaningful relationship with someone who’s as shallow as a wading pool. The good thing is that it’s pretty easy to tell when you’re dealing with someone like this if you know what you’re looking for. Here are some of the more obvious signs someone isn’t as thoughtful as they seem—plus how to handle it.
1. They treat life like a popularity contest.
Some people act like they never left high school, constantly worrying about who they’re seen with and what other people think of them. Their worth is tied to attention, and they make social status a personality trait. Instead of valuing real friendships, they care more about clout, connections, and impressing the right people. If someone around you behaves this way, don’t waste energy trying to keep up. Surround yourself with people who value you for who you are, not who you know. The best relationships happen when you’re not trying to prove anything.
2. They only engage in conversations when they can talk about themselves.
Some people seem interested in chatting, but it soon becomes clear that they’re just waiting for their turn to talk. No matter what you say, they bring it back to themselves, their stories, or their achievements. It’s less of a conversation and more of a one-sided performance. The best way to deal with this is to stop expecting depth where there is none. If they never ask about you, take that as a sign to invest your time in people who actually listen and care.
3. They think expensive things make them interesting.
They can talk for hours about their designer clothes, new car, or expensive holiday, but beyond that, they don’t have much to say. For them, status symbols are their identity, and they assume what they own makes them more impressive. If you’re around someone like this, steer the conversation toward actual experiences, values, or interests. If they can’t engage without bragging, you’re probably not missing out on much.
4. They can’t handle a serious conversation.
Some people will do anything to avoid deep discussions. The second things get real, they joke, change the subject, or shut down. It’s not that every conversation needs to be profound, but if someone can’t talk about anything meaningful, it’s a sign they’re uncomfortable with real emotions. If you notice this pattern, don’t force depth where it’s not welcome. Find people who can balance fun and real talk—because the best relationships have both.
5. They drop people the second they stop being useful.
If someone only keeps people around for what they can offer, whether it’s status, favours, or attention, they’re not forming real connections. The moment they no longer benefit from someone, they move on without a second thought. If you see this behaviour in someone, don’t take it personally when they drift away. Focus on relationships that are built on mutual care, not convenience.
6. They follow trends like their personality depends on it.
One week, they’re all about minimalism. The next, they’ve rebranded into maximalism. Their interests seem to shift with whatever’s trending, and they struggle to have opinions that aren’t shaped by what’s popular at the moment. It’s fine to enjoy trends, but if someone seems to have no identity beyond what’s in, they might not have a strong sense of self. The best approach? Let them do their thing, but don’t expect deep originality.
7. They overreact to any kind of criticism.
Some people take even the gentlest feedback as a personal attack. Instead of listening, they get defensive, angry, or dismissive. It’s impossible to have a real conversation with them because they see every suggestion as an insult. If you know someone like this, don’t waste your breath trying to help them grow. Constructive feedback only works when someone is open to it; if they’re not, it’s not your job to fix that.
8. They think gossip is a personality trait.
They always have something to say about someone else, usually in a way that’s negative or judgemental. They thrive on drama, love spreading rumours, and treat other people’s lives like entertainment. The best way to handle this is to avoid feeding into it. If they constantly talk about other people, they’re probably talking about you, too. Keep your distance and surround yourself with people who focus on their own lives instead of tearing everyone else down.
9. They mistake confidence for arrogance.
There’s a big difference between being self-assured and acting like you’re better than everyone else. Shallow people confuse the two, often putting people down just to make themselves feel superior. Confidence lifts people up, while arrogance pushes them down. If someone constantly brags or dismisses other people’s opinions, it’s best to let them have their ego trip alone.
10. They expect praise for the bare minimum.
They hold the door open once and act like they deserve a medal. They finally text back and expect a parade. They crave excessive validation for things most people do without thinking. It’s good to appreciate kindness, but if someone constantly needs applause for the smallest things, they might not be as generous as they think. Real kindness doesn’t need recognition—it just happens.
11. They lack curiosity about anything outside their bubble.
They have no interest in learning, exploring new ideas, or engaging with anything outside of their usual routine. If a topic doesn’t directly affect them, they tune out completely. Being curious about the world is a sign of depth. If someone refuses to expand their perspective, they’re choosing to stay shallow—and that’s on them.
12. They can’t handle being alone.
They constantly need distractions, whether it’s social media, nonstop plans, or background noise, because being alone with their thoughts is too uncomfortable. Instead of self-reflecting, they keep themselves busy to avoid facing anything real. People who avoid solitude often struggle with self-awareness. It’s okay to encourage balance, but if someone refuses to sit with themselves, they might not be ready for real emotional growth.
13. They care more about looking happy than actually being happy.
Some people prioritise the illusion of a perfect life over actually enjoying it. As long as their Instagram looks good, they don’t care what’s happening behind the scenes. It’s very much about perception; reality doesn’t matter to them so much. Of course, the rest of us know that happiness isn’t about appearances; it’s about how you actually feel when no one’s watching. Focus on building real joy, not just curating the image of it.
