Ever been through a breakup with someone who just wouldn’t let you go?
Source: Pexels
They pop back into your life with apologies, promises, or even just random messages. This is called “hoovering,” a tactic often used by narcissists to suck you back into their orbit, Verywell Mind explains. It’s a confusing and emotionally draining experience, but understanding why they do it and recognising the signs can help you break free.
1. They send you unexpected gifts or tokens of affection.
One day, you’re minding your own business, and the next, a bouquet of flowers arrives at your doorstep, or a thoughtful gift appears in your mailbox. It’s a classic hoovering tactic designed to make you feel special and remind you of the good times, even if they were few and far between.
2. They bombard you with apologies and promises of change.
Source: Unsplash Suddenly, they’re full of remorse for their past behaviour, and they swear they’ve changed. They promise to be a better partner, friend, or family member if you’ll just give them another chance. Don’t fall for it! These promises are often empty and simply a way to lure you back in.
3. They use social media to flaunt their seemingly perfect life.
They post pictures of themselves having an amazing time, surrounded by friends, travelling, or achieving new goals. It’s all a carefully crafted facade to make you feel like you’re missing out and that they’re doing better without you. Don’t compare your life to their highlight reel. It’s not real.
4. They show up unexpectedly at places you frequent.
Source: Unsplash Running into them at your favourite coffee shop, your gym, or even your workplace can be more than just a coincidence. They might be intentionally trying to “bump into” you to spark a conversation, remind you of their presence, and see if you’re still susceptible to their charms.
5. They contact you through mutual friends or family members.
They might try to reach out indirectly, asking your friends or family members to check in on you or pass along messages. They might even try to enlist them as allies to convince you to give them another chance. Be wary of these indirect attempts to pull you back into their drama.
6. They suddenly become overly interested in your life.
They start asking questions about your job, your hobbies, your relationships, acting as if they genuinely care about what’s happening in your life. This sudden interest is often a way to re-establish a connection and make you feel like they’re still invested in you.
7. They love bomb you with compliments and affection.
Remember those early days of the relationship when they showered you with attention and made you feel like the centre of their universe? They might try to recreate that feeling by showering you with compliments, sweet talk, and gestures of affection. Don’t be fooled by this sudden rekindling of passion; it’s often short-lived and a tactic to regain control.
8. They play the victim, blaming you for the relationship’s demise.
They might try to rewrite history, twisting the narrative to make you feel responsible for their bad behaviour or the end of the relationship. They might even accuse you of being the toxic one, gaslighting you into questioning your own sanity and making you feel guilty for moving on.
9. They try to manipulate you with guilt or pity.
They might try to manipulate you into feeling sorry for them, triggering your empathy and making you feel like you need to rescue them from their emotional turmoil. They might talk about how much they’ve suffered since the breakup or how lost they feel without you. Remember, their emotions are their responsibility, not yours.
10. They threaten to hurt themselves or other people.
In extreme cases, they might resort to threats of self-harm or violence to manipulate you into staying or returning to them. This is a dangerous form of emotional blackmail, and you should never give in to it. If you feel threatened, seek help from a trusted friend, family member, or professional.
11. They send you cryptic messages or leave vague comments on your social media.
Source: Unsplash They might post a song lyric that reminds them of you, share a quote that seems directed at you, or leave a cryptic comment on one of your posts. This is a way to keep you guessing, wondering if they’re thinking about you and trying to get your attention without directly contacting you.
12. They try to make you jealous by dating someone new.
Source: Unsplash They might flaunt their new relationship on social media, hoping to trigger your jealousy and insecurity. This is a tactic to make you feel like you’ve lost something valuable and that they’re moving on without you. Don’t let them get to you. Focus on your own happiness and well-being.
13. They try to reconnect with you years later, acting as if nothing happened.
Source: Unsplash They might suddenly reappear in your life years after the breakup, acting as if no time has passed and all the hurt they caused was just water under the bridge. They might try to rekindle the old flame, hoping you’ve forgotten the pain and are willing to give them another chance. Be cautious. They might be trying to repeat the same cycle of manipulation and abuse.
