Self-improvement is important, of course — we’re all a work in progress, so striving to be the best version of yourself makes sense.
However, there’s a huge difference between wanting to reach your potential and constantly trying to “fix” what you believe is broken in yourself. We all have flaws and bad habits, and changing them is an admirable and worthwhile pursuit. That being said, being on a constant crusade to “fix” all the things you think are so terribly wrong with you points to a deeper issue that needs to be addressed. Self-acceptance and self-love are just as important as self-improvement, but these factors might be influencing your inability to focus on your amazing qualities as much as you should.
1. You’re chasing perfection because of outside pressure.
Thanks to social media and the internet in general, we’re bombarded with ideas of what’s supposed to be “perfect,” whether it’s looks, career success, or social life. It’s easy to think we need to match up to everyone else, but in reality, there’s no perfect standard, and trying to hit that target only leaves you feeling drained. Instead of aiming for flawless, try embracing what makes you unique. Perfection’s overrated anyway (mostly because it doesn’t actually exist).
2. You let past mistakes control how you see yourself.
When you’ve messed up pretty badly in the past, it’s easy to think you need to fix everything to make up for those mistakes. The problem is that holding on to the past for dear life is only holding you back. Mistakes don’t define you, they teach you. So, let go of the idea that you need to fix yourself — those lessons have already shaped who you are now. In fact, they’ve probably made you a lot smarter and stronger, to boot, so you should be proud of them!
3. You’re looking for approval from everyone else.
If you’re always trying to please everyone else, you can get stuck in a cycle of constantly trying to change who you are to fit what you think people want. Chasing constant validation is exhausting and leaves you feeling empty when it’s not received (and that will inevitably happen a lot). The key is to realise that approval from within is the only kind you really need. Once you start trusting yourself, you’ll stop needing other people to tell you you’re good enough. Self-validation is a really powerful tool.
4. You don’t feel connected to who you really are.
Sometimes, the need to change comes from a deeper feeling of being disconnected from yourself. You might be doing things to please other people or because you feel like you’re supposed to, but not because they align with your true self. Reconnect with what truly makes you happy, whether that’s by going back to some of your old hobbies or just spending time with the people who make you feel understood. The more you know and feel connected with yourself, the easier it’ll be to love that person.
5. You’re scared of being judged.
No one wants to be thought badly of, but the fear of judgement can be absolutely paralysing. If you feel like people are constantly watching and critiquing you, it’s easy to think you need to change to fit in or avoid criticism. Of course, the truth is that most people are focused on themselves, not you. The more you embrace who you are, flaws and all, the less power those judgements have over you. Not everyone is going to like you — that’s life, and it’s perfectly fine.
6. You mistakenly think that success equals happiness.
We often associate success with happiness — thinking that when we hit a certain milestone, everything will fall into place. It’s unsurprising because that’s the message we receive pretty much from the time we’re kids. The thing is, there’s always another “next level” to chase. Happiness isn’t a destination, it’s a choice. Start finding joy in the small moments and appreciate what you’ve already achieved, instead of constantly feeling like you’re not enough until you reach some elusive goal.
7. You give too much credence to that harsh inner critic.
Everyone has that little voice in their head telling them they’re not good enough. If you listen to it long enough, it becomes easy to think you need to constantly fix yourself. Of course, that voice is often just noise, created from insecurities and past experiences. Replacing that negative self-talk with compassion is the key to quieting the critic and moving forward with more confidence. It’s easier said than done, of course, but the more you work on it, the better you’ll get at it.
8. You play the comparison game.
We’re all guilty of comparing ourselves to other people at some point, especially with social media showing everyone’s carefully curated (and usually largely fake) version of their lives. It’s easy to feel like you’re falling short when you’re constantly measuring your life against someone else’s. That ignores the very plain fact that everyone’s journey is different, though. Focus on your own path and celebrate the unique qualities that make you, you.
9. You try to be flawless all the time.
Perfectionism can leave you exhausted, always feeling like you need to fix yourself to get things just right. The reality is, nothing is ever perfect, and the pursuit of it will only drain your energy. Instead, try focusing on progress, not perfection. Embrace mistakes as part of growth — after all, as previously pointed out, no one’s perfect, and that’s exactly what makes life interesting.
10. You’re afraid of failing.
If you’re afraid of failing, you might think that fixing yourself means avoiding mistakes altogether, but failure is actually where the magic happens. It’s where you learn, grow, and improve. Instead of being afraid of it, start seeing it as part of the process. Once you realise that failure isn’t the end, it’ll be easier to move forward without constantly thinking you need to be “fixed.”
11. You let societal expectations weigh you down.
Society loves to tell us who we should be, how we should act, and what we should achieve, and that constant pressure can make you feel like you’re never enough. But guess what? You don’t need to fit into society’s narrow boxes. Start defining success and happiness on your own terms. There’s no one-size-fits-all formula, and you’re allowed to write your own story.
12. You get caught up trying to please everyone around you.
When you’re constantly trying to meet other people’s expectations, it’s easy to get caught in the trap of fixing things about yourself. The problem is, you can never truly please everyone. By focusing on being true to yourself, you’ll find that the people who truly value you will appreciate you for who you are, not who you’re trying to become to fit someone else’s idea of perfection.
13. You’re waiting for the perfect moment to be yourself.
So often, we think we need to “fix” ourselves before we can show up as our authentic selves. Whether it’s waiting until you’re more confident, successful, or “put together,” there’s always an excuse. The perfect time to be yourself is now. Embrace where you are in your journey and stop waiting for the “right moment.” Being yourself is the best version of you — and that’s all you really need to be.
