13 Signs You're A Mate Poacher (And How To Stop)

Allen and Kleanthous

Have you ever found yourself attracted to someone already in a relationship?

We’ve all been there, but sometimes that innocent crush can cross a line. It’s a tricky situation, and it’s easy to get caught up in the excitement of it all. But if you’re starting to wonder whether you’re a “mate poacher,” it’s time to take a step back and assess your actions.

1. You flirt excessively with people in relationships.

A little playful banter is one thing, but if you find yourself constantly flirting with someone who’s already taken, it could be a red flag. You might even be doing it unintentionally. Pay attention to your body language and the subtle cues you’re sending out. If you’re constantly seeking their attention and making suggestive comments, it’s time to dial it back.

2. You downplay their relationship.

Do you often make comments about how they deserve better or how their partner doesn’t appreciate them? This is a classic sign of mate poaching. You might be trying to plant seeds of doubt in their mind or make yourself seem like a more appealing option. Remember, it’s not your place to judge their relationship.

3. You constantly compare yourself to their partner.

Maybe you find yourself mentioning how you’re better at certain things or have more in common with them than their partner does. This is a subtle way of trying to undermine their relationship and make yourself seem like the superior choice. Focus on your own strengths instead of trying to one-up their partner.

4. You offer emotional support when they’re having relationship troubles.

While being a good friend is important, there’s a fine line between offering support and taking advantage of someone’s vulnerability. If you find yourself being their shoulder to cry on during every argument or disagreement, it’s possible you’re hoping to swoop in when they’re feeling weak.

5. You try to carve out alone time with them.

Do you always try to find excuses to be alone with them, whether it’s suggesting a coffee date or offering a ride home? This could be a sign that your intentions aren’t entirely innocent. Remember, respecting boundaries is crucial, especially when someone is in a relationship.

6. You fantasise about them leaving their partner for you.

It’s natural to have crushes, but if you find yourself constantly daydreaming about them breaking up with their partner so you can be together, it’s a clear indication that you’re crossing a line. This kind of thinking can be harmful to everyone involved, including yourself.

7. You get jealous when they’re with their partner.

Do you feel a pang of envy when you see them being affectionate with their partner or talking about their plans together? Jealousy is a powerful emotion, and it can reveal a lot about your true feelings. If you’re finding it difficult to be happy for them, it might be time to reevaluate your relationship with them.

8. You feel guilty or conflicted about your feelings.

If you’re experiencing feelings of guilt or inner turmoil, it’s a good sign that you know you’re doing something wrong. Listen to your intuition and try to understand why you’re behaving this way. Acknowledging your feelings is the first step towards making a change.

9. You encourage them to keep secrets from their partner.

Maybe you suggest they don’t tell their partner about your conversations or the time you spend together. This is a manipulative tactic that creates a sense of intimacy and exclusivity between you and them. It’s also a way of eroding trust in their relationship.

10. You make them feel guilty for not reciprocating your feelings.

If you find yourself hinting at your feelings or making them feel bad for not returning your affection, it’s a sign you’re overstepping boundaries. It’s not fair to put that kind of pressure on someone who’s already in a relationship. Accept their feelings and respect their commitment to their partner.

11. You initiate physical contact when they’re vulnerable.

This could be anything from a lingering hug to a comforting touch on the arm. While it might seem harmless, it can be a way of taking advantage of their emotional state. Be mindful of your actions and avoid any physical contact that could be misconstrued.

12. You undermine their trust in their partner.

Do you make subtle comments about their partner’s loyalty or suggest they might be hiding something? This is a dangerous game that can have serious consequences for their relationship. It’s important to remember that your perception of their partner might be biased by your own feelings.

13. You don’t respect their decision to stay in their relationship.

Ultimately, it’s their choice who they want to be with. If they’ve made it clear that they’re committed to their partner, it’s important to respect their decision and move on. Continuing to pursue them is not only disrespectful, but also harmful to everyone involved. Remember, there are plenty of other fish in the sea.