Ever feel like you’re pushing a boulder uphill in your relationship? Like you’re constantly trying to make things work, even when they just don’t seem to fit? If you’re nodding along, it might be time for a little heart-to-heart. Let’s talk about some signs that you might be forcing a relationship that’s just not meant to be. No judgment here, just some honest reflections to help you figure out if it’s time to let go or try a new approach.
1. You find yourself making excuses for their behaviour.
We all have moments where our partner messes up, but if you find yourself constantly explaining away their bad behaviour, that’s a red flag. You might say things like, “They’re just stressed,” or “They didn’t really mean it.” While it’s important to be understanding, constantly making excuses for someone else can be a sign that you’re trying to convince yourself that the relationship is better than it actually is. It’s like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole – it might work for a little while, but eventually, it’s just going to cause frustration and pain.
2. You’re always the one initiating contact and making plans.
Source: Unsplash Healthy relationships involve a balance of give and take. If you’re always the one reaching out, planning dates, and initiating conversations, it could be a sign that the other person isn’t as invested as you are. They might be happy to go along with your plans, but they rarely (if ever) take the initiative themselves. This can leave you feeling like you’re doing all the heavy lifting and that the relationship is one-sided. It’s important to feel like you’re both equally invested in making things work.
3. You feel like you have to change yourself to please them.
In a healthy relationship, you should feel comfortable being yourself. If you find yourself constantly trying to change your personality, interests, or appearance to please your partner, that’s a sign you might be forcing the relationship. You shouldn’t have to twist yourself into a pretzel to make someone love you. A good partner will appreciate you for who you are, not who they want you to be.
4. You constantly worry about what they think of you.
It’s natural to care about your partner’s opinion, but if you find yourself constantly second-guessing yourself and worrying about whether they approve of you, that’s not healthy. You should feel secure and confident in your relationship, not anxious and insecure. If you’re constantly walking on eggshells, afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing, it might be a sign that you’re not truly compatible or that the relationship is based on fear, not love.
5. You feel drained and unhappy more often than not.
Relationships should bring joy and fulfilment to your life, not stress and exhaustion. If you find yourself feeling drained, unhappy, or even resentful towards your partner more often than not, it’s a red flag. You might be sacrificing your own needs and happiness for the sake of the relationship, which is never sustainable eventually. It’s important to listen to your emotions and recognize when a relationship is no longer serving you.
6. You’re constantly arguing or disagreeing.
A little conflict is normal in any relationship, but if you’re constantly arguing or disagreeing, it might be a sign that you’re not truly compatible. You might have different values, interests, or communication styles that make it difficult to see eye to eye. While compromise is important, you shouldn’t have to sacrifice your core beliefs or constantly argue about fundamental issues. If you’re constantly butting heads, it might be time to consider whether the relationship is worth the constant struggle.
7. You have a gut feeling that something’s not right.
Sometimes, our intuition is the best guide. If you have a nagging feeling that something’s not right in your relationship, don’t ignore it. Trust your gut and pay attention to any red flags that might be popping up. Maybe there’s a lack of trust, communication, or intimacy. Maybe you’re not feeling valued or respected. Whatever it is, don’t dismiss your intuition. It might be trying to tell you something important.
8. You’re staying in the relationship out of fear.
Source: Unsplash Fear can be a powerful motivator, and it can sometimes lead us to stay in relationships that aren’t good for us. You might be afraid of being alone, afraid of what people will think, or afraid of hurting your partner’s feelings. But staying in a relationship out of fear is never a good reason. It’s important to face your fears and make decisions based on what’s best for you, not what’s easiest or most comfortable.
9. You’re more focused on the potential than the present.
Source: Unsplash We’ve all heard the phrase “potential is a dangerous thing.” It’s easy to get caught up in the idea of who your partner could be or what your relationship could become, rather than focusing on who they are and what your relationship is like right now. You might be constantly trying to fix or change them, hoping they’ll eventually become the person you envision. But if you’re more focused on the potential than the present reality, it’s a sign you might be forcing the relationship. It’s important to accept your partner for who they are right now, not who you hope they’ll become someday.
10. You’re comparing your relationship to other people’s.
Source: Unsplash Social media can create unrealistic expectations for what a relationship “should” look like. If you find yourself constantly comparing your relationship to the seemingly perfect ones you see online, it’s a sign you might be forcing things. Every relationship is unique, and there’s no one-size-fits-all formula for happiness. Instead of comparing your relationship to everyone else’s, focus on what makes your relationship special and unique. Celebrate your differences and appreciate the quirks and imperfections that make your relationship authentic.
11. You’re afraid to be alone.
Source: Unsplash Being alone can be scary, but it’s important to remember that being in a bad relationship is even scarier. If you’re only staying with your partner because you’re afraid of being alone, it’s a sign you might be forcing the relationship. It’s important to be comfortable with your own company and to not settle for a relationship that’s not fulfilling just to avoid being alone. Embrace your independence and focus on building a life that you love, regardless of your relationship status.
12. You’re staying because of sunk costs.
Sometimes, we stay in relationships because we’ve invested so much time, energy, and emotion into them. We might feel like we’ve come too far to give up, even if we’re no longer happy. This is known as the sunk cost fallacy, and it can keep us trapped in unhealthy relationships. It’s important to remember that the past is the past, and that it’s never too late to make a change. Don’t let your past investments dictate your future happiness.
13. You ignore red flags.
Every relationship has its ups and downs, but there are certain red flags that you should never ignore. These might include things like disrespect, dishonesty, controlling behaviour, or emotional abuse. If you find yourself making excuses for your partner’s bad behaviour or ignoring red flags, it’s a sign you might be forcing the relationship. It’s important to trust your instincts and not ignore any warning signs that the relationship might be unhealthy or toxic.
