Not all selfish people are blatantly obvious about their self-centred ways.
In fact, a lot of them hide their self-serving nature behind a friendly or accommodating facade. That makes them harder to spot, since their behaviour isn’t overly terrible. Nevertheless, it can still takes its toll on the people around them over time. Of course, if you know what you’re looking for, it becomes a lot easier to recognise people like this — and hopefully avoid them altogether.
1. They only reach out when they need something.
If someone consistently contacts you only when they need a favour or support, it’s a subtle sign of selfishness. They aren’t truly invested in your life; they’re just keeping you around for convenience. When they disappear again after getting what they want, it’s clear they’re not interested in a balanced relationship.
2. They rarely show genuine interest in your life.
Conversations with them feel lopsided — they’ll talk about their problems or successes but skim over yours. They may ask how you are, but it feels obligatory rather than sincere. If they consistently dismiss your experiences, it reveals how little they value your perspective.
3. They subtly dismiss your feelings.
When you express frustration or disappointment, they downplay your emotions or make it about themselves. Comments like, “It’s not a big deal,” or “You’re overreacting,” are signs they value their feelings over yours. The constant dismissal destroys trust and leaves you questioning your own emotions.
4. They frequently cancel plans at the last minute.
If they regularly bail on you because “something came up,” they may not value your time. They prioritise their own convenience over commitments. It shows a lack of consideration for your schedule and how much effort you put into meeting them.
5. They expect you to accommodate their schedule.
Everything revolves around their plans. They rarely compromise, and you’re left adjusting to their availability. Over time, this pattern reinforces their belief that their time is more valuable than yours. They don’t seem to realise or care that you have just as busy of a life as they do.
6. They give conditional help.
When they do help you, it often comes with strings attached. They might expect something in return or remind you later that they did you a favour. Genuine support isn’t transactional, and their conditions reveal their underlying selfishness. If they can’t do you a solid for no other reason but to make your life easier, they’re extremely selfish.
7. They play the victim to avoid responsibility.
When things go wrong, they spin the situation so they come out looking innocent. They rarely take accountability and instead make you feel guilty. Their victim act is designed to shift the blame and avoid facing their own flaws. The issue is, everyone can see the common denominator in all their issues: them.
8. They dominate conversations and make everything about them.
You might notice they steer every conversation back to themselves. Even when discussing your issues, they’ll find a way to share a story that outshines yours. It leaves you feeling invisible, as though your thoughts and feelings don’t matter. Also, it’s not as if they even have anything important to say — they just seem to like the sound of their own voice.
9. They’re competitive, even when it’s unnecessary.
Everything becomes a contest — who has the worst day, who’s more tired, or who’s more successful. Their constant need to “win” stems from their selfish desire to be the centre of attention. They see your achievements or struggles as threats, not opportunities for connection.
10. They struggle to celebrate your successes.
Source: Unsplash When you share good news, they seem disinterested, jealous, or even critical. Their inability to be happy for you comes from their need to always feel superior. Not only that, but their lack of genuine joy for you can leave you feeling unsupported and undervalued.
11. They have a hard time apologising.
Secret selfish people rarely admit they’re wrong. Apologies, if they happen, are half-hearted or come with excuses. Their unwillingness to apologise shows how much they prioritise their pride over repairing the relationship.
12. They guilt-trip you into doing things their way.
Source: Unsplash They might say things like, “I thought you cared about me,” to pressure you into agreeing with them. Guilt-tripping is a way to control you. It’s a manipulative tactic that makes you feel obligated, even when you know it’s unfair.
13. They lack empathy for your struggles.
When you’re going through a hard time, they’re either dismissive or quick to turn the conversation to their own problems. Their inability to show genuine empathy reveals their self-centred nature. The lack of compassion leaves you feeling isolated, especially when you need support the most.
