The sudden realisation that someone we trust is actually working against you can hit you like a ton of bricks.
The sting of betrayal can be tough to recover from, but it’s a lot easier to handle if you catch the signs early. So how do you spot a backstabber before they strike? By tuning into your intuition and keeping an eye out for a few telltale behaviours.
1. They’re excessively flattering.
A little compliment here and there is nice, but if someone is constantly showering you with praise, it might be a red flag. Over-the-top flattery can be a tactic to manipulate you, making you feel indebted to them or more likely to trust them. Trust your gut feeling if the compliments seem insincere or excessive.
2. They gossip about people all the time.
If someone is constantly badmouthing people behind their backs, it’s a good indicator that they could do the same to you. Gossip reveals a lack of loyalty and respect, and it’s not a stretch to assume that if they’re comfortable gossiping about other people, they won’t hesitate to gossip about you when it suits them.
3. They take credit for your ideas.
You share a brilliant idea in a meeting, and suddenly, it’s their brainchild. This kind of behaviour shows a disregard for your contributions and a willingness to step on other people to get ahead. It’s a clear sign that they’re not a team player and prioritise their own success over anything else.
4. They’re always playing the victim.
Everything is always happening to them. They never take responsibility for their mistakes or shortcomings, always blaming other people for their misfortunes. This kind of victim mentality is a way to deflect criticism and avoid accountability. If someone is constantly playing the victim, it’s a sign that they’re not trustworthy and may try to manipulate your emotions to their advantage.
5. They’re secretive and evasive.
They dodge questions, change the subject, or give vague answers when you try to have a straightforward conversation. This lack of transparency is a major red flag. If someone is constantly hiding things or being evasive, it’s usually because they have something to hide. Trustworthy people are open and honest, even when the truth is uncomfortable.
6. They make you feel uneasy or uncomfortable.
This is your intuition speaking. Sometimes, you just get a bad feeling about someone, even if you can’t quite put your finger on why. Don’t ignore this gut feeling. It’s often a sign that something isn’t right. If someone consistently makes you feel uneasy or uncomfortable, it’s best to trust your instincts and keep your distance.
7. They’re inconsistent in their words and actions.
They say one thing and do another. They promise to help you but then flake out. They say they’re your friend but then talk badly about you behind your back. This inconsistency is a sign that they can’t be trusted. If someone’s words and actions don’t align, it’s a clear indication that they’re not being genuine and may have ulterior motives.
8. They have a history of betraying people.
Past behaviour is the best predictor of future behaviour. If someone has a reputation for being a backstabber, it’s likely that they’ll continue this pattern. Ask around or pay attention to how they interact with other people. If you see a pattern of betrayal or dishonesty, it’s best to steer clear.
9. They’re always putting themselves first.
Healthy relationships involve a balance of give and take. But backstabbers are all about taking. They put their own needs and desires first, often at your expense. They might ask for favours but never return them, or expect you to always be there for them without offering the same support in return. This self-centredness is a red flag that they’re not interested in a mutually beneficial relationship and are only looking out for themselves.
10. They try to isolate you from your other friends and family.
Backstabbers often try to create a wedge between you and your support system. They might make negative comments about your loved ones or try to convince you that they’re the only person you can truly trust. This isolation tactic makes you more vulnerable to their manipulation and less likely to seek outside advice or support when they betray you.
11. They’re quick to anger or become defensive.
When you confront them about their behaviour or express a differing opinion, they lash out or become defensive. They might try to turn the tables on you, accusing you of being the problem or overreacting. This defensiveness is a way to avoid taking responsibility for their actions and to silence any criticism or challenges to their authority.
12. They have a pattern of broken promises and commitments.
They’re full of grand promises and commitments, but they rarely follow through. They might agree to help you with a project, but then disappear when you need them most. They might promise to change their behaviour, but then revert back to their old ways. This lack of follow-through is a sign that they’re not reliable or trustworthy.
13. Your intuition tells you something is off.
Sometimes, you just know. Deep down, you have a nagging feeling that something isn’t right with this person. Maybe they give you a creepy vibe or make you feel uncomfortable in ways you can’t explain. Don’t dismiss these feelings. Your intuition is often more accurate than you realise. If your gut tells you someone is a backstabber, it’s usually best to trust it and distance yourself from them.
