Not every relationship is built on equal effort, and that’s a recipe for disaster in the long run.
Some people put in time, care, and energy, while others do just enough to keep things going without truly investing in the relationship. Obviously, things can’t always be perfectly 50/50 all the time, but you shouldn’t feel like you’re alone in the relationship, that’s for sure. When a partner is only giving the bare minimum, it can leave you feeling unappreciated, unsupported, and like you’re carrying the weight of the relationship alone. The problem is, when you care about someone, it’s easy to make excuses for their lack of effort. If these behaviours sound familiar, however, your partner might only be giving you the bare minimum.
1. They don’t bother making plans because they know you’ll do it.
If you stopped making plans, how long would it take for them to suggest something? A partner who’s only giving the bare minimum will let you take the lead every time, rarely putting in the effort to plan dates, activities, or even casual hangouts. It’s not that they don’t enjoy spending time with you; it’s that they don’t prioritise it enough to make an effort. If you always have to be the one making things happen, it might be time to ask yourself why.
2. They communicate just enough to keep you from complaining.
They text back, but only when it’s convenient. They respond to messages, but never really start conversations. They’ll check in just enough to keep things from feeling completely one-sided, but you can tell they’re not fully engaged. Communication should feel natural, not like you’re dragging effort out of them. If they only reach out when they feel they “have to,” rather than because they genuinely want to, they’re putting in the least amount of work possible.
3. They do the same things over and over with no thought.
If every date, every interaction, and every conversation follows the exact same pattern, it’s a sign they’re doing the bare minimum to maintain the relationship. There’s no effort to surprise you, try new things, or keep things interesting. It’s easy to fall into routines, but when someone truly cares, they’ll put in the effort to keep things exciting. If your relationship feels stagnant, it might be because they’re only doing what’s necessary to keep things going.
4. They show up when it’s easy, but disappear when it’s not.
They’re around when things are fun, but the moment you need support — when you’re stressed, upset, or struggling — they become distant. A partner who’s only giving the bare minimum won’t go out of their way to be there for you when it matters most. Real relationships involve showing up during the hard times, not just when things are effortless. If they’re only there when it’s convenient, you’re likely putting far more into the relationship than they are.
5. They never want to have a deep conversation.
Conversations stay surface-level, and when you try to go deeper — whether it’s about feelings, the future, or important issues — they shut down or change the subject. They might answer questions vaguely or give just enough to keep the conversation from turning into an argument. Relationships grow through emotional connection, and if they’re avoiding those deeper moments, it’s a sign they’re not willing to invest in real intimacy. If everything feels shallow, it’s because they’re choosing not to go deeper.
6. They don’t care about making an effort with your friends or family.
A partner who sees a future with you will care about the people you care about. If they barely acknowledge your friends or make no effort to build a relationship with your family, it shows they’re not invested in the bigger picture. Even if they’re not naturally social, a partner who genuinely cares will at least try. If they avoid spending time with the people who matter to you, they might not be planning to stick around long-term.
7. They don’t go out of their way for you.
Little things like remembering your favourite coffee order, checking in when they know you have a tough day, or offering to help when you’re struggling show thoughtfulness. A partner who’s only giving the bare minimum won’t put in that extra effort. They don’t need to do anything grand or over-the-top — it’s about showing they think about you when you’re not around. If their effort only extends to what’s necessary to keep the relationship afloat, they’re not truly invested.
8. They make promises, but rarely follow through.
They talk a big game about future plans, things they’ll do, or how much they care, but when it comes time to back up their words with action, nothing happens. Their words keep you hopeful, but their actions never quite match up. If you constantly find yourself waiting for them to actually do the things they say, you’re dealing with someone who’s comfortable making empty promises. Words mean nothing if there’s no effort behind them.
9. They don’t check in on how you’re feeling.
A partner who’s invested in you will naturally want to know how you’re doing. If they never ask how your day was, how you’re feeling, or if something’s bothering you, it shows they’re not truly present in the relationship. It doesn’t take much effort to ask, “How are you?” and actually mean it. If they never make that effort, they’re giving you the bare minimum.
10. They prioritise themselves every time.
In any healthy relationship, there’s balance — sometimes you compromise, sometimes they do. But when someone only gives the bare minimum, everything tends to revolve around their schedule, their needs, and their priorities. If they always pick the restaurant, decide when you meet, or expect you to fit into their plans while never considering yours, it’s not an accident. It’s a sign they’re only willing to put in effort when it suits them.
11. They expect effort from you but don’t return it.
They want you to be understanding, patient, and supportive—but when you need the same in return, they don’t seem to have the time or energy. They expect you to put in the emotional work while they coast. A relationship should never feel one-sided. If you’re always the one making adjustments and giving more, while they do the absolute least they can get away with, something isn’t right.
12. They don’t make you feel special.
Again, it’s not about big gestures, it’s about effort. A good partner will find little ways to remind you that you matter to them. Whether it’s a random text, remembering something you said, or making you feel appreciated, those small things add up. If you feel like just another part of their routine rather than someone they genuinely cherish, it’s a sign they’re not putting in real effort. You should never feel like an afterthought in your own relationship.
13. They only show affection when they want something.
A partner giving the bare minimum will rarely go out of their way to show affection unless they want something in return. They might suddenly be extra sweet when they need a favour, or affectionate when they want intimacy, but otherwise, it’s absent. Genuine love and affection shouldn’t feel transactional. If their kindness only appears when they need something from you, it’s a clear sign they’re not in the relationship for the right reasons.
14. You always feel like you’re asking for more.
If you constantly feel like you’re asking for basic things — more effort, more time, more affection — it means they’re giving you less than what a healthy relationship should naturally include. A partner who truly cares won’t need constant reminders to step up. You shouldn’t have to beg someone to care. If you’re always the one asking for effort, it’s a sign they’re only giving the bare minimum because they know they can get away with it.
