Some people always have a reason for why they can’t be more understanding.
Instead of admitting they struggle with empathy, they come up with endless excuses to justify their lack of compassion. Whether they claim to be “too logical” or insist that people just need to toughen up, their words often reveal more about their unwillingness to care than any genuine limitation. Here are some of the most common “explanations” people give for not caring more about other people’s feelings, experiences, and struggles.
1. “I’m just being honest.”
There’s a difference between honesty and cruelty, but some people use this as a free pass to be unkind. They claim they’re simply telling the truth, but in reality, they’re choosing to be blunt when a little sensitivity would go a long way. Just because something is true doesn’t mean it needs to be said harshly or at all. People with real empathy know that honesty doesn’t have to be hurtful. They understand that timing, tone, and delivery matter. If someone regularly justifies their harsh words by calling it honesty, it’s likely that their real problem isn’t telling the truth — it’s a lack of care for how their words affect other people.
2. “People are too sensitive these days.”
When someone gets called out for being inconsiderate, their initial reaction is often to blame other people for being too sensitive. Instead of reflecting on their behaviour, they make it seem like the real issue is that people can’t handle the truth. This excuse flips the responsibility onto other people while allowing them to continue being dismissive. True empathy means recognising that different people have different emotional responses. Just because someone isn’t personally affected by something doesn’t mean it’s not a big deal for someone else. If someone constantly dismisses everyone as “too sensitive,” what they really mean is, “I don’t want to care.”
3. “I don’t have time for other people’s problems.”
While it’s true that everyone has their own struggles, this excuse is often used as a way to avoid offering even the smallest bit of kindness. No one is asking them to solve every problem, but showing a little concern or offering a kind word takes very little time. Choosing not to acknowledge someone’s pain isn’t about being busy; it’s about a lack of willingness. People who lack empathy act like supporting people is a full-time job, when in reality, even a simple “That sounds tough” or “I’m here for you” can make a difference. If someone refuses to show even basic compassion because they’re “too busy,” it’s usually a sign that they just don’t want to be bothered.
4. “I was raised to be tough.”
Some people use their upbringing as an excuse for why they struggle to show kindness. They claim that because they were raised in a tough environment, they expect everyone else to be just as emotionally strong. Instead of recognising that people have different needs, they assume that what worked for them should work for everyone. Growing up in a tough environment can shape someone’s perspective, but it doesn’t justify coldness. People who truly understand hardship tend to be more empathetic, not less. If someone uses this excuse, what they’re really saying is, “I refuse to acknowledge that people experience emotions differently than I do.”
5. “I don’t do emotions.”
Some people act as if emotions are a foreign language they can’t be expected to understand. They frame themselves as purely logical, as if that excuses them from offering emotional support. While it’s true that some people are naturally more analytical, it doesn’t mean they can’t learn to be kind. Showing empathy doesn’t require deep emotional conversations — it just means recognising when someone needs support. Even the most logical person can understand that kindness and consideration help build stronger relationships. Claiming to “not do emotions” is often just an excuse to avoid making an effort.
6. “I don’t believe in sympathy.”
Some people act as if sympathy is a weakness rather than a basic human response. They believe that tough love is the only approach that works, so they refuse to offer comfort or support. Instead of seeing compassion as valuable, they treat it as something pointless or even enabling. In reality, sympathy doesn’t require fixing someone’s problems; it simply means acknowledging their struggles. People who lack empathy often hide behind this excuse because they don’t want to make the effort to care. Dismissing sympathy as unnecessary is really just a way to avoid emotional responsibility.
7. “I’ve got my own problems to deal with.”
Everyone has their own struggles, but that doesn’t mean there’s no room to care about anyone else’s. People who use this excuse act as if empathy is a limited resource, when in reality, showing concern for someone else doesn’t take away from dealing with their own issues. It’s entirely possible to struggle personally and still be there for other people. Often, people who say this don’t actually want to engage with other people’s feelings because they don’t see it as their responsibility. But offering kindness doesn’t mean carrying someone else’s burdens — you just need to show that you care.
8. “Some people just need to toughen up.”
When people dismiss someone else’s struggles by saying they just need to be stronger, they’re usually avoiding any responsibility to help. They act as if emotions are a sign of weakness rather than a natural part of being human. Instead of trying to understand what someone is going through, they tell them to “get over it.” People with real empathy know that toughness and compassion aren’t opposites. A person can be resilient and still appreciate emotional support. If someone constantly insists other people need to “toughen up,” it usually means they don’t want to put in the effort to care.
9. “That’s just how I am.”
Some people act like their lack of empathy is part of their personality, as if it’s something they can’t change. They use this excuse to avoid growth, refusing to even try to be more understanding. Instead of acknowledging their shortcomings, they insist that everyone else just has to accept it. While personalities differ, empathy is a skill that can be developed. If someone isn’t willing to make the effort, it’s not because they can’t — it’s because they don’t want to. Saying, “That’s just how I am” is really just another way of saying, “I don’t care enough to change.”
10. “It’s not my problem.”
When someone dismisses people by insisting they’re not responsible for the problem, they’re making it clear that they don’t want to engage. While it’s true that not every issue requires personal involvement, basic compassion costs nothing. Ignoring other people’s struggles simply because they don’t directly affect them is a sign of emotional detachment. People who genuinely care don’t need a personal connection to show concern. They understand that kindness isn’t about obligation, it’s about being a decent human being. If someone constantly distances themselves from other people’s problems, they likely just don’t want to be emotionally invested.
11. “I’m not going to pretend to care.”
Some people wear their lack of empathy like a badge of honour. They think being openly uncaring makes them seem strong or independent, when in reality, it just highlights their unwillingness to connect. While no one expects fake concern, basic decency shouldn’t feel like an act. Genuinely kind people don’t have to “pretend” to care because they naturally see value in supporting other people. If someone makes a point of saying they won’t fake empathy, it usually means they don’t value relationships enough to make an effort.
12. “Helping them won’t change anything.”
Some people refuse to show empathy because they believe it won’t make a difference. They act as if kindness is pointless unless it completely fixes a situation, but that’s not how compassion works. Just because you can’t solve someone’s problems doesn’t mean your support is meaningless. Sometimes, simply knowing someone cares can make all the difference. Empathy doesn’t require solutions; it’s more about offering comfort, understanding, and validation. If someone refuses to help because they think it won’t change anything, they’re missing the point. It’s not about fixing everything; it’s about making people feel less alone in their struggles.
13. “They’re just looking for attention.”
When someone dismisses people by claiming they’re just being dramatic and looking for attention, it’s often a way to justify their lack of care. Even if a person does want attention, that doesn’t mean their feelings aren’t valid. People look for connection for a reason, and writing them off as “dramatic” only isolates them further. Truly empathetic people don’t feel the need to judge whether someone is “worthy” of compassion. They recognise that everyone needs support sometimes, even if they express it differently. If someone constantly assumes people are exaggerating for attention, it’s usually just an excuse to avoid engaging emotionally.
14. “They made their bed, now they have to lie in it.”
People who lack empathy often refuse to support anyone else because they believe in harsh consequences. They see someone struggling and decide that because they made certain choices, they don’t deserve help. While personal responsibility matters, that doesn’t mean people don’t need or deserve compassion when they’re struggling. Life isn’t always black and white, and everyone makes mistakes. A little understanding can go a long way, even if someone is dealing with the consequences of their actions. If a person refuses to care because they think someone “brought it on themselves,” they’re using that as an excuse to justify their lack of kindness.
