Setting boundaries is one of the healthiest things you can do for yourself, yet society often makes it seem selfish, unnecessary, or even rude.
The idea that putting limits in place to protect yourself could somehow be wrong is ludicrous, but a lot of people believe it for some reason. In fact, these harmful myths have become so normalised that many people struggle to say no, protect their time, or advocate for their needs without guilt. It’s high time we start challenging these myths for the sake of our own mental and physical health, and one another’s.
1. Setting boundaries is selfish.
One of the biggest misconceptions about boundaries is that they’re self-centred or mean. In reality, setting limits has nothing to do with pushing people away; it’s about creating healthy relationships where your needs are respected. Boundaries allow you to show up for other people without burning yourself out. You can’t give your best to the people you care about if you’re constantly exhausted, overwhelmed, or stretched too thin.
2. Saying no means you’re being difficult.
Society often equates saying no with being uncooperative or rude. The truth is, saying no is necessary to protect your time, energy, and health. When you say yes to everything out of fear of upsetting someone, you’re prioritising their comfort over your own needs. Healthy relationships respect a firm but kind no just as much as they appreciate a yes.
3. You must explain or justify your boundaries.
Many people feel they need to provide a detailed reason for their boundaries to be valid, but boundaries don’t require an explanation to be respected. “I can’t make it,” “I’m not comfortable with that,” or “That doesn’t work for me” are complete sentences. You don’t owe anyone an elaborate excuse for protecting your space. If they don’t accept it, that’s their problem, not yours.
4. Boundaries are only for people who struggle with relationships.
Some believe boundaries are just for people who have toxic relationships or lack confidence, but that’s far from the truth. Boundaries are essential for everyone, no matter how strong or healthy your relationships are. Even in the most loving friendships, families, and workplaces, clear boundaries help maintain balance and prevent misunderstandings. They ensure that both you and the people around you feel comfortable and respected.
5. If someone gets upset, your boundary is wrong.
People might not always like the boundaries you set, but that doesn’t mean they’re wrong. A boundary has nothing to do with controlling other people — it’s about what you are and aren’t willing to accept. If someone reacts negatively, it often says more about their expectations than your boundary itself. The people who truly respect you will adjust rather than make you feel guilty for protecting your space.
6. Boundaries should be flexible to keep the peace.
While compromise is sometimes necessary, constantly bending your boundaries to avoid conflict can leave you feeling resentful and drained. Boundaries exist for a reason, and if you’re always adjusting them to accommodate other people, they’re not really boundaries at all. It’s okay to stand firm in what you need, even if everyone else finds it inconvenient.
7. Boundaries push people away.
Some believe that setting boundaries will ruin relationships, but the opposite is often true. Boundaries create clarity, reduce resentment, and help build stronger, more respectful connections. The right people won’t walk away just because you’ve drawn a line. If someone leaves because you set a boundary, it likely means they were benefiting from your lack of one.
8. Boundaries are only for big issues.
Many people assume boundaries only apply to serious conflicts, like cutting off toxic relationships or setting workplace limits. But boundaries matter in everyday life, too. Whether it’s declining an invitation when you need rest, asking for space when overwhelmed, or limiting social media time, small boundaries are just as important as big ones. They help you maintain balance in all areas of your life.
9. Good people don’t need boundaries.
There’s an outdated idea that if you’re a kind, generous person, you shouldn’t need boundaries because you should always be available to help other people. However, being kind doesn’t mean saying yes to everything. Setting boundaries isn’t a sign of being unkind; it’s a sign that you value both yourself and the relationships you’re in.
10. Family and close friends shouldn’t need boundaries.
People often assume that boundaries don’t apply to close relationships. There’s a belief that if someone loves you, they should automatically know and respect your limits without you having to say anything. The thing is, even the closest relationships need boundaries. Communicating them directly helps avoid assumptions and ensures both sides feel understood rather than taken for granted.
11. Boundaries mean cutting people off.
Not all boundaries require going no-contact. While some situations call for distance, most boundaries are about creating better relationships, not ending them. Boundaries can be as simple as limiting certain conversations, asking for personal space, or setting expectations around time and energy. They allow relationships to thrive rather than fall apart.
12. Once you set a boundary, you never have to reinforce it.
It would be nice if people instantly respected every boundary you set, but in reality, boundaries often need reinforcing. People might forget, test limits, or struggle to adjust at first. That doesn’t mean your boundary isn’t valid; it just means consistency is key. Repeating and reinforcing your limits calmly and firmly helps people understand that you mean what you say.
13. Boundaries make you unapproachable.
Source: Unsplash Some people worry that having clear boundaries will make them seem cold or distant, but that’s just not true. Boundaries make you more approachable because they remove confusion and frustration in relationships. When people know where you stand, they don’t have to guess what’s okay and what’s not. This makes interactions smoother and reduces misunderstandings, leading to healthier connections.
14. You’ll feel guilty for setting boundaries forever.
If you’re used to saying yes to everything, setting boundaries can come with guilt at first. However, the more you get used to it (and see the benefits of it), that guilt fades as you realise you’re protecting yourself, not hurting other people. The more you practise, the more confident you’ll feel. Boundaries aren’t something to feel bad about — they’re a form of self-respect that allows you to live life on your own terms.
