Moving on from something major in your life is never easy, no matter how much time has passed.
Whether it’s a regret, a painful memory, or unresolved emotions, clinging to the past can keep you from fully embracing and living in the present. That’s not to say that the things you’ve been through won’t always be with you in some form — they’ve likely changed or informed who you are today, after all — but they shouldn’t be holding you prisoner for the rest of your days. Here’s how to start working through your history so that you can find a way to move forward. You deserve it.
1. Acknowledge your feelings.
The first step to letting go is recognising and sitting with your emotions, no matter how uncomfortable they may feel. Whether it’s guilt, anger, or sadness, acknowledging these emotions allows you to begin processing them. Suppressing or denying your feelings only strengthens their grip on you. Consider journaling about your emotions or talking to someone you trust to gain perspective. Having that openness creates space for healing and sets the foundation for moving forward with self-awareness and compassion.
2. Figure out what it is that’s holding you back.
Pinpointing exactly what you’re struggling to let go of can make the process less overwhelming. Whether it’s a specific event, a broken relationship, or unfulfilled expectations, understanding the root of the issue is crucial. Vague feelings of regret or frustration are easier to tackle when you know their source. Ask yourself what unresolved questions or feelings remain tied to the situation. Naming the issue gives you the clarity needed to begin addressing it constructively, rather than avoiding it entirely.
3. Don’t just listen to your inner critic — challenge it.
Negative self-talk often fuels an inability to let go, as you might blame yourself or replay worst-case scenarios in your mind. These thought patterns are rarely accurate and can trap you in a cycle of guilt or self-doubt. Start by questioning the truth behind these harsh thoughts. For example, consider whether you’d speak to a loved one the way you speak to yourself. By replacing these critical thoughts with more compassionate ones, you create a healthier mental environment for moving forward.
4. Try to find the lessons — there are bound to be some.
While it’s not easy to find positives in difficult situations, reflecting on what you’ve learned can transform how you view the past. Whether it taught you resilience, empathy, or a new perspective, focusing on growth can shift your mindset. It’s not about minimising what happened, but finding meaning in how it shaped you. Take a moment to write down one or two things the experience taught you about yourself or life. These reflections can help you appreciate your growth and encourage you to release lingering resentment or regret.
5. Forgive yourself and the people who’ve hurt you or let you down.
Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting or condoning harmful actions—it’s about releasing the emotional weight tied to them. Refusing to let go of anger or guilt only prolongs your pain, keeping you stuck in the past. Start by acknowledging how these emotions affect your well-being. Forgiveness can be a gradual process. Begin by focusing on small steps, such as recognising that everyone, including yourself, is imperfect. Changing your perspective in this way can help you break free from the emotional hold of the past.
6. Set boundaries with reminders of the past.
Triggers like old photos, specific places, or even certain conversations can pull you back into painful memories. Setting boundaries with these reminders helps protect your emotional health as you work to let go. That doesn’t mean avoiding them forever — it’s about creating space to heal. Consider removing or limiting access to things that bring up strong emotions until you feel ready to confront them. Boundaries are an act of self-care, allowing you to prioritise your mental and emotional recovery.
7. Create new experiences to replace old memories.
One way to move forward is by filling your life with fresh, positive experiences that shift your focus to the present. Whether it’s exploring a new hobby, travelling somewhere you’ve never been, or simply trying a new café, these activities create opportunities for joy and growth. By actively pursuing moments that make you happy, you slowly overwrite the emotional weight of the past. These new experiences remind you that life continues to offer beauty and meaning, even after really tough times.
8. Practise mindfulness to stay in the present.
Source: Unsplash Mindfulness is a powerful tool for breaking free from the hold of past memories. Techniques like deep breathing, meditation, or grounding exercises help you anchor yourself in the present moment. These practices teach you to observe your thoughts without judgement, reducing their power over you. Over time, mindfulness becomes a habit that allows you to notice when your mind drifts back to the past. That awareness is key to letting go and focusing on the here and now, where real change is possible.
9. Lean on your support network — they’ll be glad to help.
Source: Unsplash Letting go can feel isolating, but reaching out to trusted friends, family, or professionals can make a significant difference. Talking through your feelings or hearing an outside perspective helps you process emotions and gain clarity. Sometimes, just knowing someone is there for you is enough to lighten the load. Therapy or support groups can provide structured guidance if you’re struggling to move forward alone. Sharing your journey with other people reminds you that healing doesn’t have to be a solitary process.
10. Stop romanticising the past.
It’s easy to look back on the past with rose-tinted glasses, focusing only on the good parts while ignoring the reality of what happened. Romanticising the past can trap you in an idealised version of events, making it harder to let go. Try to view it with a balanced perspective instead. Reflecting honestly on what happened can help you see why moving forward is the healthier choice. Accepting the past as it truly was allows you to embrace the future with clearer expectations and a sense of possibility.
11. Focus on gratitude for what you have now.
Practising gratitude helps shift your focus from what you’ve lost to what you still have. Each day, write down three things you’re grateful for, whether it’s a small kindness from a stranger or a moment of peace. Gratitude redirects your energy toward the present. It improves your mood and makes it easier to release the past. By appreciating your current life, you create a sense of abundance that diminishes the pull of old regrets or memories.
12. Embrace the inevitability of change.
Accepting that life is constantly changing can help you let go of the need to cling to the past. Everything, good or bad, has a season, and resisting the truth only leads to frustration. Viewing change as a natural part of growth can make it less intimidating. Remind yourself of times you’ve successfully adapted to change before. This perspective reinforces your resilience and helps you approach the future with confidence rather than fear.
13. Limit your time spent dwelling.
Spending too much time ruminating over the past can become a habit that’s hard to break. When you notice yourself spiralling into unproductive thoughts, redirect your energy into an engaging activity. Exercise, creative projects, or even tidying up can help interrupt this pattern. By reducing the time you spend dwelling, you free up mental space for new ideas and opportunities. Over time, these shifts make it easier to move on without feeling stuck in old thought loops.
14. Celebrate your progress.
Letting go is a journey, and recognising small victories along the way helps you stay motivated. Whether it’s feeling less emotional about a memory or taking a step toward a personal goal, these moments matter. Celebrate them as signs of growth and healing. Progress may be slow, but every step counts. Acknowledging how far you’ve come reinforces your ability to keep going, empowering you to release the past and embrace what’s ahead.
