We’ve all been there — whether in a heated conversation with a friend or trying to make small talk with a stranger, certain phrases can instantly change how people perceive you. It’s not just about what you say, but how it comes across. Sometimes, even seemingly harmless words can rub people the wrong way and leave a lasting negative impression. But don’t worry, by being mindful of your language, you can avoid common pitfalls and encourage better connections.
1. “I’m not racist, but…”
This disclaimer often precedes a statement that is, in fact, racist. It’s a way of trying to excuse prejudiced views while still expressing them, and it tends to backfire. It can make people feel uncomfortable and immediately question your intentions.
2. “It is what it is.”
While this phrase can express acceptance in some situations, it can also come across as passive-aggressive or dismissive, especially when someone is venting to you about a problem. It suggests a lack of empathy and a reluctance to offer solutions or support.
3. “That’s not my job/problem.”
This one can make you seem unhelpful and uncaring, especially in a work or team setting. It implies an unwillingness to go the extra mile or help people, even in minor ways. Even if it’s technically true, there are better ways to communicate your boundaries or limitations.
4. “I told you so.”
This phrase might feel satisfying in the moment, but it’s a sure-fire way to make someone feel worse about their mistake. It’s not only unhelpful, but it also comes across as smug and superior. A more compassionate response could involve offering support or helping them find a solution.
5. “You always…” or “You never…”
Source: Unsplash These sweeping generalisations are rarely accurate and tend to put people on the defensive. They focus on the negative and make it seem like you’re keeping score of someone’s flaws. Instead, try addressing specific instances of behaviour that you’d like to see changed.
6. “I’m just being honest.”
Source: Unsplash Honesty is important, but it’s not an excuse for being rude or insensitive. This phrase is often used to justify hurtful comments, and it can make people feel like you don’t value their feelings. Remember, there’s a difference between honesty and brutality.
7. “I can’t believe you did/didn’t…”
Source: Unsplash This type of judgmental statement can make people feel ashamed or defensive. It implies that you know better than them and that their actions were unreasonable or wrong. A more supportive approach might involve asking questions to understand their perspective.
8. “Well, actually…”
Source: Unsplash While sometimes used to correct misinformation, this phrase can also be a way of showing off knowledge or undermining someone else’s point. It can come across as pedantic and make people feel like you’re trying to one-up them. Instead, try offering information in a collaborative way, such as “Did you know…” or “I read that…”
9. “That’s so gay.”
Source: Unsplash Using “gay” as a synonym for “stupid” or “bad” is not only outdated but also offensive. It perpetuates harmful stereotypes and can make LGBTQ+ people feel marginalised and unsafe. Instead, choose your words carefully and avoid using slurs or discriminatory language.
10. “Calm down.”
Source: Unsplash Telling someone to calm down rarely has the desired effect and can often escalate the situation. It invalidates their feelings and makes them feel like you’re not listening. A more empathetic approach would be to acknowledge their emotions and offer support, such as “I understand you’re upset” or “What can I do to help?”
11. “Whatever.”
Source: Unsplash This one-word response can be incredibly dismissive and make people feel like you don’t care about their opinions or concerns. It shuts down conversation and can make you seem uninterested and apathetic. If you disagree with someone, try engaging in a respectful dialogue instead of dismissing them.
12. “It’s not fair.”
Source: Unsplash While it’s natural to feel frustrated when things don’t go your way, complaining about unfairness can make you seem entitled and immature. Instead of focusing on the perceived injustice, try finding ways to adapt or overcome the situation. Remember, life isn’t always fair, and complaining won’t change that.
13. “I’m too old for this.”
Source: Unsplash Using age as an excuse for not trying new things or stepping outside your comfort zone can make you seem resistant to change and growth. It can also be perceived as ageist, as it reinforces negative stereotypes about older people. Embrace new experiences and challenge yourself, regardless of your age.
14. “I’m so bored.”
Source: Unsplash Complaining about boredom can make you seem uncreative and lacking in initiative. Instead of waiting for entertainment to come to you, take the initiative to find something interesting to do. Explore new hobbies, learn a new skill, or simply engage in conversation with someone new. There’s always something to discover if you’re willing to look for it.
