While your children are all grown up now, you thought you were still close.
You know they have their own lives and that they get busy, but you pretty much never hear from them these days, and you’re not sure why. They don’t text, they don’t call — you can’t even remember the last time you spoke to them. It’s easy to let your mind get carried away by convincing yourself that they don’t care about you or that something is seriously wrong with them, but neither are likely true. Instead, here’s what really might be going on.
1. They’re genuinely swamped with life’s demands.
Between work deadlines, house chores, and maintaining some semblance of a social life, your kids may be juggling more than they let on. It’s easy for a week to blur into the next without realising they haven’t checked in. A gentle reminder or a casual “Hey, thinking of you” text might help them reconnect without piling on any pressure. Sometimes, it just takes a nudge to remind them that a quick chat can actually be a nice break from the chaos.
2. They assume you’ll call if something’s up.
Sometimes, your kids are under the impression that if you really need to talk, you’ll reach out first. They might not realise you’re waiting on them to take the lead. To bridge this gap, let them know you enjoy hearing from them “just because” and it doesn’t always need to be about something urgent. A simple “I’d love to hear your voice” can work wonders in shifting the dynamic.
3. They think their updates are boring.
It’s possible they feel like their day-to-day lives aren’t thrilling enough to warrant a phone call. They might wonder, “What’s the point of calling if nothing exciting happened?” Remind them that you enjoy hearing about the little things too, whether it’s a funny thing their dog did or a new recipe they tried. The everyday details can often be the most heart-warming ones.
4. They’re worried about being judged.
If your past conversations have veered towards unsolicited advice or pointed questions, they may hesitate to call. Even if your intentions are good, nobody likes feeling scrutinised. Try to make conversations judgement-free zones. Ask how they are, and simply listen before offering suggestions. Sometimes, feeling heard without critique can make them more likely to keep in touch.
5. They’re in a different time zone or schedule.
If your child lives in another city or even country, time zone differences can complicate things. Their peak activity hours might coincide with your quiet evenings or early mornings. Discuss a time that works for both of you to catch up regularly. It doesn’t have to be rigid, just something that keeps you on each other’s radar.
6. They’re dealing with personal issues.
Sometimes, your kids might be facing something tough — a breakup, work stress, or a health concern — and they don’t know how to talk about it yet. Instead of cutting you off intentionally, they may just be processing things on their own. A message that reassures them you’re there, no matter what, can make them feel supported even if they’re not ready to talk.
7. They feel guilty for not calling sooner.
Ironically, the longer they go without calling, the guiltier they feel. That guilt can make reaching out seem even harder. You can break the cycle by sending a light-hearted text to let them know there are no hard feelings. A “Miss you — no pressure, just love!” message can ease the tension and pave the way for a relaxed chat.
8. They’ve simply got out of the habit.
Sometimes, it’s not a deep reason — they’ve just fallen out of the habit of regular calls. Life gets busy, patterns shift, and before you know it, a month has passed. A regular weekly or fortnightly “phone date” can help rebuild that routine. Treat it like a fun catch-up rather than an obligation.
9. They think social media counts as communication.
In the age of quick likes and story replies, your kids might feel like they’re “keeping in touch” even if you haven’t had a proper chat in ages. To them, seeing your Facebook post or sending an Instagram meme might feel like enough. Let them know that while you appreciate their digital breadcrumbs, nothing beats hearing their voice.
10. They’re going through a phase of independence.
Your kids might be in a stage where they’re flexing their independence, consciously or unconsciously. It’s not that they love you any less; they’re just figuring out who they are outside of family dynamics. Give them space while still showing you’re there for them. Often, knowing they have that safety net encourages them to come back sooner.
11. They’re worried about long conversations.
Some people avoid calling because they fear it’ll turn into a marathon chat they don’t have the energy for. Reassure your kids that even a 5-minute call is fine. A quick “Just wanted to say hi” can be enough. By removing the pressure of lengthy conversations, you make it easier for them to reach out.
12. They think you’re too busy for them.
Your kids might assume your life is packed with plans, hobbies, or work. If they feel like they’re interrupting, they may hesitate to call. Make it clear that hearing from them is always welcome. A simple “I’m never too busy for you” reminder can go a long way.
13. They prefer texting over calling.
Not everyone loves talking on the phone. Some people feel more comfortable texting or messaging, and that might be your child’s preferred mode of communication. If you’re okay with texting, meet them where they’re at. The important thing is staying connected, no matter the medium.
14. They don’t realise how much you miss them.
Your kids might genuinely think you’re doing just fine and don’t realise how much you’d love to hear from them. Sometimes, being open and honest about how much you miss their calls is the key. A heartfelt “I love hearing from you — it makes my day” can be all it takes to inspire them to pick up the phone.
