Constantly needing other people to reassure you that you’re making the right decisions in life is exhausting — not just for you, but for everyone around you, too.
You should feel confident in your ability to make decisions and back yourself once you make them, even if they tend to go a bit sideways sometimes. That’s just life! However, if you rely on everyone else to pat you on the back or confirm that you’re doing the right thing, you end up stuck in a loop where you can never stand on your own two feet in life. Here’s why this happens — and how to start validating yourself instead. Believe me, you’ll be much happier if you do!
1. You struggle with low self-esteem.
Low self-esteem can make it difficult to trust your own worth, leaving you reliant on everyone else to validate you. You might second-guess your choices, appearance, or abilities, needing constant affirmation to feel okay. This cycle can feel endless, as no amount of reassurance seems to truly stick. Start by building self-compassion and recognising your own strengths. Practise daily affirmations or jot down small wins to remind yourself of your value. Over time, you’ll feel more confident in yourself and less dependent on other people’s opinions to feel secure.
2. You’re afraid of making mistakes.
If you have a fear of failure, getting reassurance can feel like a safety net. You may constantly ask everyone else for their input, worried about making the wrong decision or letting someone down. That fear can make it hard to trust your instincts, keeping you stuck in a loop of doubt. Try reframing mistakes as learning opportunities rather than disasters. Taking small, low-risk steps without seeking validation can help you build trust in your decision-making abilities. The more you practise relying on yourself, the easier it becomes to quiet the need for reassurance.
3. You’ve experienced criticism or rejection in the past.
Past experiences of harsh criticism or rejection can leave lasting scars. If you’ve been told you weren’t good enough or made to feel inadequate, it’s natural to need constant reassurance to avoid reliving those feelings. These experiences can make it hard to believe in yourself. To address this, remind yourself that past experiences don’t define your future. Consider working with a therapist to process these events and rebuild your confidence. Surrounding yourself with supportive, positive people can also help you feel more secure in who you are.
4. You might have an anxious attachment style.
People with an anxious attachment style often crave reassurance in relationships. It’s rooted in a fear of being abandoned or unloved, leading to frequent “Are we okay?” conversations or looking for constant signs of affection. The need for reassurance can feel overwhelming for both you and your partner. Understanding your attachment style can help you navigate these feelings. Communicate openly with your partner about your needs while working on building security within yourself. Therapy or self-help resources focused on attachment theory can offer valuable tools for creating healthier relationship dynamics.
5. You overthink everything.
Overthinking can spiral into a need for constant reassurance. If you’re prone to analysing every situation, you might find yourself desperate for external confirmation to quiet your racing thoughts. It can range from small decisions, like what to wear, to larger issues, like career moves. To break the cycle, practise mindfulness or journaling to sort through your thoughts. Writing things down can help you gain clarity without needing to rely on anyone else for answers. Over time, you’ll find it easier to trust your judgment and calm your overthinking tendencies.
6. You’re afraid of being misunderstood.
The fear of being misunderstood can drive a strong need for reassurance. You might find yourself repeatedly explaining your actions or looking for confirmation that people understand your intentions. That fear often comes from a desire to avoid conflict or disappointment. Building communication skills can help you feel more confident in expressing yourself. Remind yourself that you can’t control how anyone interprets everything you say or do. Trusting your intentions and being clear in your communication can reduce the urge to chase constant validation.
7. You compare yourself to other people far too often.
Comparing yourself to other people can make you feel like you’re falling short, even if you’re doing well. Social media, in particular, can amplify these feelings by showing a curated version of everyone else’s lives. It can lead to a constant need for reassurance that you’re on the right track. Combat this by focusing on your own journey rather than measuring yourself against anyone else. Limit your time on social media and remind yourself that no one’s life is as perfect as it seems online. Celebrate your achievements, no matter how small, to reinforce your confidence.
8. You’re afraid of rejection.
Fear of rejection can make you need constant reassurance that you’re liked, accepted, or loved. This might show up in friendships, romantic relationships, or even at work. The worry that you’re not enough can make you crave frequent affirmation from those around you. Challenge the fear by recognising your inherent worth. Rejection isn’t a reflection of your value — it’s often about fit or timing. By focusing on your strengths and what you bring to the table, you can build resilience against the fear of rejection.
9. You’ve experienced trauma or insecurity in the past.
Traumatic experiences, like being abandoned, neglected, or made to feel unsafe, can create deep-seated insecurities. These insecurities often show up as a need for constant reassurance, as you look for stability in your current relationships or situations. Healing from trauma takes time and often requires professional support. Therapy can help you work through past experiences and build a stronger sense of self. As you heal, you’ll find yourself feeling more secure and less reliant on external validation.
10. You’re afraid of confrontation and conflict.
If you’re conflict-avoidant, you might need reassurance as a way to prevent arguments or misunderstandings. Constantly checking in with everyone to ensure everything is “okay” can feel like a way to keep the peace, even when no conflict exists. Practising assertive communication can help you feel more confident in addressing concerns directly. Remind yourself that not all disagreements are bad—they’re often opportunities for growth and understanding. Building trust in your relationships can reduce the fear of conflict over time.
11. You rely on external validation over internal confidence.
When you rely on other people to validate your worth, it’s easy to fall into the trap of seeking constant reassurance. It might come from not trusting your own instincts or feeling unsure about your capabilities. The need for external validation can become a habit, keeping you stuck in a loop. Shifting to internal validation means learning to recognise your achievements and value without needing anyone to confirm it. Start small by celebrating your own wins or setting goals that you can measure for yourself. Over time, you’ll feel more confident in your abilities and less reliant on other people’s approval.
12. You’re in an uncertain or unstable situation.
Life changes, like a new job, moving to a new place, or entering a new relationship, can trigger the need for reassurance. When things feel uncertain, it’s natural to want external confirmation that everything is going to be okay. During these times, focus on what you can control. Establish routines or habits that bring stability to your life, even in the midst of change. Trust that uncertainty is temporary, and remind yourself of your ability to adapt and thrive in new situations.
13. You don’t trust yourself fully.
If you’ve made decisions in the past that didn’t work out, it’s easy to lose trust in your own judgment. That lack of self-trust can make you turn to other people for guidance or reassurance, fearing that you’ll make the “wrong” choice again. Building self-trust takes time, but it starts with small, confident decisions. Focus on the times you’ve made good choices and learn from the ones that didn’t work out. Over time, you’ll find it easier to rely on your instincts without needing constant input from the people around you.
14. You’re not addressing the root cause of your insecurity.
Sometimes, the need for reassurance is a symptom of deeper issues, like unresolved trauma, unfulfilled goals, or a lack of personal fulfilment. Ignoring the root cause can keep you stuck in the cycle of seeking validation without finding real resolution. Take time to reflect on what’s driving your insecurity. Journaling, therapy, or even honest conversations with loved ones can help you identify the underlying issues. By addressing the root cause, you can begin to build lasting confidence that doesn’t rely on external reassurance.
