Kindness is something we can always use more of in the world, but it’s always possible to have too much of a good thing.
Some people have less than pure intentions, and they have no qualms about taking advantage of people’s generosity and gentle nature. If you pride yourself on being soft-hearted and considerate, listen up — here are some signs people are getting one over on you, and you’re letting it happen.
1. They always ask for favours, but never return them.
Source: Pexels You’re the first person they call when they need help moving, a ride to the airport, or someone to pick up their shift at work. But when you’re the one in need? It’s crickets. If you find yourself always giving and never getting, it’s a sign they’re taking advantage. Friendship should go both ways, and if they can’t be there for you once in a while, that’s not fair.
2. They “forget” their wallet when you go out together.
Sure, everyone forgets their wallet from time to time, but when it becomes a pattern, it’s a problem. If they always “forget” their cash and expect you to cover the bill, it’s more than just forgetfulness. They’re taking advantage of your generosity. It’s fine to treat friends once in a while, but if you’re always the one paying, it’s time to set some boundaries.
3. They only contact you when they need something.
It’s nice to feel needed, but if the only time your phone lights up with their name is when they want something, that’s a problem. Real friends reach out to check in, to hang out, or just to chat. If the majority of your conversations are transactional, it’s a sign they might be using you.
4. They guilt-trip you when you say no.
Setting boundaries is a healthy part of any relationship, but if they can’t take no for an answer and start laying on the guilt, that’s manipulation. They might try to make you feel like you’re letting them down or being selfish, but don’t fall for it. You’re allowed to say no, and if they can’t respect that, it’s a red flag.
5. They never thank you for your help.
A simple “thank you” goes a long way. If they’re always happy to take your help but never show any gratitude, they might see your kindness as something they’re entitled to rather than something to appreciate. If they don’t acknowledge your efforts, it’s a sign they’re taking you for granted.
6. They dismiss your problems but expect you to listen to theirs.
Friendship should be a two-way street. If you’re always there to listen to their issues, but they brush off yours, it’s time to reconsider the dynamic. A real friend makes space for your feelings too and doesn’t treat you like a free therapist who’s never allowed to need support themselves.
7. They “borrow” your stuff without asking.
It’s one thing to lend a friend something, but it’s another if they’re always taking your things without even asking. Whether it’s your clothes, your car, or even your Netflix password, it shows a lack of respect when someone helps themselves without permission. It’s your stuff, and they need to respect that boundary.
8. They never offer to help you, even when you’re clearly struggling.
You’re juggling bags, dealing with a problem, or just having a tough day, and they don’t even think to offer help. If someone never notices when you’re struggling or doesn’t step in when you need support, they’re likely taking your kindness for granted. True friends pitch in when they see you’re in need, without having to be asked.
9. They make jokes at your expense and tell you to “lighten up” if you get upset.
Teasing can be part of friendship, but when the jokes are always about you and your feelings are dismissed if you get hurt, that’s not okay. They might say, “I’m just joking,” but if the joke always seems to be at your expense, it’s a sign they don’t respect your feelings. You deserve friends who can be light-hearted without crossing the line.
10. They expect you to drop everything for them.
Sometimes friends need help at the last minute, but if they’re constantly expecting you to rearrange your plans to suit their needs, it’s a problem. It shows they don’t value your time or commitments. You’re allowed to have your own life, and a good friend understands that.
11. They never compromise — it’s always their way or the highway.
If every decision, from where to eat to what movie to watch, always ends up going their way, you’re dealing with someone who doesn’t respect balance in the relationship. Friendships are about compromise and give-and-take, not one person calling all the shots.
12. They’re quick to criticise but slow to praise.
Constructive criticism is one thing, but if all they do is point out your flaws without ever acknowledging your strengths, that’s not fair. Friends should be your cheerleaders, not just your critics. If they can’t lift you up when you deserve it, they’re probably not valuing you the way they should.
13. They overstep your boundaries and act offended when you reinforce them.
You’ve told them multiple times not to do certain things—whether it’s showing up unannounced, borrowing stuff without asking, or calling at all hours—but they ignore it. And when you bring it up, they act like you’re the problem. If someone keeps steamrolling your boundaries, they’re showing a lack of respect, and that’s not okay.
14. They make you feel bad for spending time with other people.
Friends don’t own your time, and they definitely shouldn’t make you feel guilty for hanging out with other people. If they get upset or jealous when you spend time with other people, that’s a major red flag. A healthy friendship supports you having a full life, not one that revolves entirely around them.
