It’s normal and important for people to look out for themselves, but there’s a big difference between self-care and being completely self-absorbed.
Some people genuinely value those around them, while others only care when it benefits them. They can be charming, fun, and even seem supportive at times, but when it comes down to it, their actions always put themselves first. If you’ve ever felt like someone in your life only looks out for number one, these signs might confirm it.
1. They only reach out when they need something.
They disappear for weeks, sometimes months, and then suddenly show up in your messages when they need a favour. Whether it’s borrowing money, asking for help, or needing emotional support, the pattern is always the same. If someone only makes an effort when it benefits them, chances are they’re more interested in what you can do for them than in actually maintaining a friendship or connection.
2. They make every conversation about themselves.
Whenever you’re talking, they somehow find a way to steer the topic back to their own life. You could be telling them about your bad day, and suddenly, you’re listening to a half-hour monologue about theirs. Good conversations are about balance. If someone never asks about you, interrupts to tell their own story, or quickly changes the subject back to themselves, they’re not truly interested in you—just the attention they get from talking.
3. They’re not very excited when good things happen to you.
If something good happens to you, they either downplay it, ignore it, or somehow make it about themselves. Instead of saying “That’s amazing, I’m so happy for you,” they’ll find a way to one-up you or change the focus. True friends cheer for your success, no matter what. If someone can’t be happy for you unless it directly benefits them, their support isn’t genuine—it’s conditional.
4. They never apologise, even when they’re clearly wrong.
No matter what happens, they always find a way to justify their behaviour or blame someone else. Even if they hurt you, they’ll act like you’re overreacting or find a way to turn it back on you. Taking responsibility is a basic part of being a decent person. If they refuse to say, “I was wrong” or “I’m sorry,” it’s because they don’t care enough to make things right.
5. They expect support but don’t give it in return.
When they’re going through a rough time, they expect you to be there, listen to them, and offer advice. But when the roles are reversed, they suddenly don’t have time for you or give you a generic response to brush you off. A real connection goes both ways. If someone is happy to take emotional support but never offers it back, they’re not looking out for you, only themselves.
6. They have zero interest in your problems.
If you try to open up, they get impatient, uninterested, or dismissive. They might cut you off, act distracted, or offer a quick, half-hearted response just to move on. Someone who genuinely cares will listen, even if they don’t have the perfect advice. If they make you feel like your problems are a burden, they don’t value you the way you deserve.
7. They take advantage of your kindness.
If you’re generous with your time, money, or effort, they’ll take full advantage of it. They’ll ask for favours, expect you to go out of your way for them, and assume you’ll always say yes. But when you need something? Suddenly, they’re busy or making excuses. Someone who genuinely cares about you wouldn’t just see you as a convenience.
8. They can’t handle criticism.
The moment you bring up an issue or try to set a boundary, they act offended or defensive. They’ll twist your words, play the victim, or act like you’re being unreasonable. If someone refuses to acknowledge their own flaws but has no problem pointing out yours, it’s because they’re only concerned with their own feelings, not yours.
9. They guilt-trip you when things don’t go their way.
If you can’t do something for them, they won’t just accept it—they’ll try to make you feel bad about it. They’ll say things like, “I thought you were different” or “I guess I just can’t count on you.” That kind of emotional manipulation is a huge red flag. It shows they’re not thinking about what’s fair or reasonable—they just want things their way.
10. They don’t respect your time.
They cancel plans last minute, show up late, or make you wait around for them like your time doesn’t matter. But if you ever do the same? Suddenly, it’s a huge issue. Respecting someone’s time is a basic way to show you care. If they’re consistently inconsiderate, it’s because they’re not thinking about you; they’re thinking about themselves.
11. They get jealous when other people give you attention.
If you start spending more time with someone else, they act possessive, dismissive, or even try to make you feel guilty. They don’t want to share the spotlight. Genuine friends and partners want you to have other meaningful relationships. If someone tries to make you feel bad for spending time with other people, it’s because they don’t see you as an equal; they see you as someone who exists to benefit them.
12. They act differently when they need something.
On a normal day, they might not check in, ask how you’re doing, or make much of an effort. But the moment they need a favour? They’re suddenly extra nice, full of compliments, and acting like your best friend. It’s a clear sign they only care when there’s something in it for them. If their kindness is inconsistent and only shows up when it benefits them, it’s not real.
13. They don’t change, even when their behaviour is called out.
Maybe you’ve already pointed out some of these things, hoping they’d do better. But instead of making an effort, they keep doing the same things over and over again. At a certain point, it’s not just a personality quirk—it’s a choice. If someone constantly proves that they don’t care about anyone but themselves, it’s up to you to decide if they belong in your life.
14. They think their problems are more important than anyone else’s.
Even if you’re struggling with something serious, they somehow make it seem like their situation is worse. They’ll dismiss your concerns or immediately jump into talking about their own issues. Everyone deserves support, but if they always act like their problems matter more than yours, it’s a clear sign they only care about their own experience, not yours.
