If you’re thinking, “There’s no way I’m a bully — I’m a grown adult,” think again.
Just because your school days are a long way behind you, and you consider yourself a good person, that doesn’t mean you might not need to reassess the way you talk to and treat people. What you see as being upfront and assertive could come off as mean, intimidating, or even manipulative to other people. If you do any of these things, you might actually be a bit of a bully and need to adjust your behaviour.
1. You put people down to lift yourself up.
We all want to feel good about ourselves, but if you’re putting someone down to boost your own ego, it can be a sign of bullying. Making jokes or comments at other people’s expense might seem harmless, but it can hurt their self-esteem. Instead, try boosting people’s confidence with compliments and positive reinforcement. When you encourage everyone, it makes you feel better without tearing anyone down.
2. You interrupt people constantly.
Interrupting people, especially when they’re trying to speak, shows a lack of respect for their thoughts. Not only that, but it can come across as controlling and dismissive. Work on listening more actively, letting people finish their thoughts before you jump in. Being patient in conversations shows respect and gives everyone a chance to be heard.
3. You belittle people’s accomplishments.
If you find yourself downplaying someone’s achievements to make yours seem bigger, that’s a sign of insecurity. Instead of belittling anyone, take the time to celebrate their wins. Supporting their success helps create a sense of mutual respect and strengthens relationships. Everyone deserves to feel proud of their accomplishments, just like you.
4. You use sarcasm to make your point.
While sarcasm can sometimes be funny, it can also come across as passive-aggressive or hurtful. If you’re using sarcasm to make a point or to get a laugh, take a step back and ask yourself if it’s worth the risk of hurting someone’s feelings. Instead, practise honesty and direct communication. This not only strengthens your relationships but also prevents misunderstandings.
5. You manipulate people to get your way.
If you find yourself using guilt, flattery, or manipulation to get people to do what you want, this is a red flag. Manipulation is a subtle form of control. The key to change is being straightforward and honest about your needs and desires. Let people make their own choices without trying to twist their arm.
6. You make people feel inferior.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of making people feel small or less than, especially when you feel insecure. But consistently putting people down for their choices, looks, or opinions is toxic. Instead, focus on accepting and appreciating people for who they are. Treating everyone with kindness and respect helps to create a positive, supportive atmosphere.
7. You never admit when you’re wrong.
If you’re someone who never admits when they’re wrong, this can create tension and make you seem unapproachable. Being able to admit mistakes is a sign of strength, not weakness. Apologising when you’re wrong and taking accountability shows maturity and helps build trust. It’s okay to not be perfect—what matters is learning from your mistakes.
8. You avoid difficult conversations.
Avoiding tough conversations might seem easier in the moment, but it can lead to resentment and misunderstandings in the long run. If you find yourself dodging important topics or issues, it’s time to face them head-on. Practising open and honest communication helps clear the air and prevent unnecessary conflict, making relationships healthier and stronger.
9. You use your status or position to intimidate people.
Using your position, whether at work, in your social circle, or within your family, to intimidate people is a clear bullying tactic. Being aware of how your words and actions can affect people is important. Instead of asserting dominance, work on promoting equality and understanding. Treat everyone with respect, regardless of their status, and lead by example.
10. You feel the need to control situations.
If you’re always trying to control the outcome of situations, it’s not only frustrating for other people, but it can also create tension. Learning to let go of control can be incredibly freeing. Try to trust the people around you and let people take charge from time to time. Recognise that life is unpredictable and embracing flexibility can help ease any anxieties around control.
11. You ignore or stomp all over people’s boundaries.
Ignoring people’s boundaries is a major sign of bullying. Whether it’s emotional, physical, or personal boundaries, disregarding them shows a lack of respect. Pay attention to when people say “no” or express discomfort. Respecting boundaries is essential to creating healthy, trusting relationships. By listening and honouring those limits, you show that you care about people.
12. You make people feel guilty for not agreeing with you.
Source: Unsplash When you make someone feel bad for not agreeing with you, it creates an environment of fear and discomfort. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions and perspectives. Instead of trying to force your viewpoint, practise listening and understanding where people are coming from. Healthy debates can happen without guilt or pressure to agree.
13. You avoid taking responsibility for your actions.
Source: Unsplash If you tend to deflect blame or avoid taking responsibility for your actions, this creates unnecessary conflict. Bullying often stems from the inability to own up to mistakes. Take a step toward self-awareness by acknowledging when you’ve made a mistake. Owning your actions and offering apologies when needed will not only improve your relationships but also your personal growth.
14. You think your needs are always more important than other people’s.
Constantly prioritising your own needs at everyone else’s expense is a sign of selfishness and bullying. While it’s important to care for yourself, it’s equally important to consider how your actions affect those around you. Balance is key—make sure you’re being considerate of other people’s needs as much as your own. This creates a more supportive and harmonious environment for everyone.
