Siblings are supposed to be our built-in best friends, our partners in crime, our confidants. But what happens when that relationship turns sour? Toxic sibling relationships can be just as damaging as any other toxic relationship, but they’re often overlooked or dismissed. It’s easy to brush off hurtful behaviour as “sibling rivalry” or “just how they are,” but ignoring the signs can lead to lasting emotional damage. Here are some red flags that might indicate your sibling relationship has turned toxic.
1. They constantly criticise you.
It’s one thing to offer constructive feedback, but it’s another to constantly nitpick and criticise every little thing you do. If your sibling is always putting you down, making you feel inadequate, or picking on your appearance, choices, or lifestyle, it’s not okay. This kind of negativity can knock your self-esteem and leave you feeling drained, Psychology Today explains.
2. They make you feel guilty or ashamed.
Toxic siblings often use guilt and shame as weapons to control and manipulate you. They might make you feel bad for not meeting their expectations, for prioritising your own needs, or for simply being yourself. This kind of emotional manipulation can be incredibly damaging and lead to feelings of worthlessness and resentment.
3. They’re never happy for your successes.
Instead of celebrating your achievements, they find ways to diminish them or make you feel like you don’t deserve them. They might downplay your accomplishments, make sarcastic comments, or even try to sabotage your happiness. This kind of envy and resentment can be incredibly hurtful and create a toxic competitive dynamic between siblings.
4. They don’t respect your boundaries.
Everyone has a right to set boundaries, but toxic siblings often ignore them or try to push them. They might overstep your personal space, invade your privacy, or demand your time and attention when you’re not available. This lack of respect for your boundaries can leave you feeling violated and disrespected.
5. They always blame you for their problems.
Toxic siblings often refuse to take responsibility for their own actions and instead blame you for their problems. They might accuse you of causing their failures, ruining their relationships, or making their lives difficult. This blame-shifting behaviour is unfair and can lead to feelings of guilt and frustration.
6. They make you feel like you’re walking on eggshells.
Do you feel like you have to constantly censor yourself around your sibling, afraid of saying or doing something that might trigger their anger or negativity? This kind of emotional tiptoeing is exhausting and can leave you feeling drained and anxious. You should feel safe and comfortable around your sibling, not like you’re constantly walking on eggshells, explains psychotherapist Toby Ingham.
7. They’re emotionally manipulative.
Source: Unsplash Toxic siblings are masters of emotional manipulation. They might use guilt trips, silent treatment, gaslighting, or other tactics to control your emotions and get what they want. This kind of manipulation can be incredibly damaging to your mental health and leave you feeling confused and insecure.
8. They drain your energy.
Source: Unsplash Spending time with your sibling should leave you feeling energised and uplifted, not drained and exhausted. If every interaction with your sibling leaves you feeling emotionally depleted, it might be a sign that the relationship is toxic. It’s important to protect your energy and prioritise your own well-being.
9. They dismiss your feelings or experiences.
Source: Unsplash When you try to share your feelings or experiences, they brush them off as unimportant or invalid. They might say things like, “You’re being too sensitive,” or “It’s not that big of a deal.” This can make you feel unheard and unvalued, and it can chip away at your self-esteem over time.
10. They’re constantly competitive with you.
Source: Unsplash A little sibling rivalry is normal, but if it’s constant and intense, it can be toxic. They might always try to one-up you, belittle your achievements, or sabotage your success. This kind of unhealthy competition can create a hostile environment and damage your relationship.
11. They make you feel like you’re never good enough.
No matter what you do or achieve, it’s never enough for them. They always find something to criticise or compare you to. This can leave you feeling inadequate, insecure, and constantly striving for their approval, which you’ll never get.
12. They take advantage of your kindness or generosity.
They might constantly ask for favours, borrow money without paying it back, or expect you to always be there for them, even when it’s inconvenient for you. They take your kindness for granted and never seem to appreciate your efforts.
13. They spread rumours or gossip about you.
They might talk behind your back, spread lies about you, or try to turn your friends and family against you. This kind of betrayal can be devastating and can damage your reputation and relationships.
14. They try to control your life.
They might try to dictate who you date, what you wear, or what career path you choose. They offer unsolicited advice and criticism, making you feel like you can’t make your own decisions. This kind of controlling behaviour can be suffocating and prevent you from living your life on your own terms.
