The desire for approval is a natural human instinct, but when it starts to overshadow your own needs and values, that’s a serious problem.
Constantly chasing validation from other people can lead to a loss of self-identity and personal happiness, and no one wants that. Here are some signs you’re sacrificing too much of yourself for other people and need to stop — and start looking after yourself!
1. You never say what you really think.
You tend to keep quiet instead of speaking up and saying you disagree. Whether it’s nodding along with a colleague’s idea in a meeting or agreeing with a friend’s view on a controversial topic, you prioritise harmony over honesty. Maybe you worry that you’ll be judged or disliked if you say what you really feel.
2. Your calendar is filled with commitments you dread.
A quick glance at your schedule reveals numerous engagements you’re not looking forward to. You’ve said yes to social events, work projects, or favours that you’d rather not do. As a result, you’re regularly stretched thin and resentful of obligations you’ve taken on.
3. You can’t make decisions without consulting other people.
When faced with choices, big or small, you immediately reach out to friends or family for their input. Whether it’s deciding on a new hairstyle or choosing a career path, you feel paralysed without external validation. Your constant need for approval in decision-making points to a lack of trust in your own judgment and a fear of making the ‘wrong’ choice in other people’s eyes.
4. Your appearance is dictated by trends rather than personal taste.
Your wardrobe and overall style are more reflective of current fashion trends than your personal preferences. You end up buying clothes or adopting looks that you don’t particularly like, simply because they’re popular or because you think they’ll impress other people.
5. You apologise non-stop, even for things that aren’t your fault.
The words “I’m sorry” have become an automatic response in your daily interactions. You apologise for circumstances beyond your control, for having needs, or even for your very existence in a space. You’re likely terrified of inconveniencing people or being seen as difficult, but that’s silly!
6. You rarely say no to requests, even when you’re overwhelmed.
When someone asks for a favour or invites you to an event, you just can’t bring yourself to say no. Even if your plate is already full or what people are asking of you conflicts with your own needs, you say yes to avoid disappointing people. This inevitably leads to burnout and resentment, which is a real shame.
7. Your social media presence is carefully curated to portray a ‘perfect’ life.
Your online profiles are meticulously managed to show only the most flattering aspects of your life. You spend considerable time crafting posts, editing photos, and monitoring likes and comments. Your obsession with presenting an idealised version of yourself online is probably driven by a craving for virtual approval and validation from your followers.
8. You change your personality to fit in with different groups.
You often act like a social chameleon, drastically altering your behaviour and opinions depending on who you’re with. With one group of friends, you might be loud and opinionated, while with another, you’re quiet and agreeable. Your constant shape-shifting is exhausting and leaves you feeling disconnected from your true self, all in the pursuit of fitting in and gaining approval from various social circles.
9. You avoid conflict at all costs, even when it means being treated unfairly.
When faced with unfair treatment or disrespect, you tend to swallow your feelings rather than address the issue. Whether it’s a friend consistently cancelling plans or a colleague taking credit for your work, you remain silent to avoid confrontation. Don’t let people take advantage of your good nature!
10. Your personal goals take a back seat to other people’s expectations.
You end up pursuing career paths, hobbies, or life choices that align more with other people’s expectations than what YOU actually want. Maybe you went into a particular field to please your parents or given up a passion because a partner didn’t approve. Sadly, this means you’ll likely end up feeling extremely unhappy and unfulfilled.
11. You feel guilty when you take time for self-care.
Doing things solely for your own enjoyment or relaxation often leads to feelings of guilt. You worry that taking time for yourself is selfish or that you should be doing something productive instead. It’s like you think that your worth is tied to your usefulness to other people, rather than your own health and happiness.
12. You downplay your achievements so you don’t sound braggy.
Source: Unsplash When you accomplish something noteworthy, your first instinct is to minimise its importance. You might brush off compliments or attribute your success to luck rather than skill. This is likely because you don’t want to be seen as arrogant or make anyone feel bad. It’s okay to pat yourself on the back sometimes, you know.
13. Your self-worth fluctuates based on other people’s reactions to you.
Source: Unsplash You notice that your mood and self-esteem are highly dependent on how people respond to you. A compliment can make your day, while a criticism (or anything that feels like one) can send you into a spiral of self-doubt. This emotional rollercoaster, tied to external validation, means you’ve given other people too much power over your self-worth.
14. You often feel resentful , butstruggle to express it.
Source: Unsplash Despite your efforts to please everyone, you still harbour feelings of resentment. You might feel unappreciated or taken for granted, but struggle to express these emotions. Your internal conflict arises from the disconnect between your desire for approval and your genuine feelings. It doesn’t have to be this way!
