Sometimes you get that icky feeling that someone’s not being real with you. It’s like they’re putting on a show, but the performance just doesn’t feel genuine. We’ve all encountered people who seem inauthentic, and it can be pretty confusing and frustrating. But how can you spot these phonies? Here are some subtle (and not-so-subtle) clues that someone might not be as genuine as they seem.
1. Their words and actions don’t match.
They say all the right things, but their actions tell a different story. They might promise to help you out, but then always flake at the last minute. Or, they may shower you with compliments, but then talk rubbish about you behind your back. This inconsistency between words and actions is a classic sign of inauthenticity.
2. They’re constantly looking for validation and approval.
They need constant reassurance from other people to feel good about themselves. They always fish for compliments, brag about their accomplishments, or constantly seek attention on social media. This need for external validation often stems from a lack of self-worth and insecurity, Psych Central notes. It’s like they’re trying to prove their value to themselves and everyone else.
3. They try to be someone they’re not.
They change their personality or interests depending on who they’re with, trying to fit in or impress people. So, they adopt different personas for different social groups, or even change their opinions to match those of the people they’re trying to impress. This chameleon-like behaviour is a sure-fire sign of inauthenticity.
4. They’re overly concerned with what other people think.
They’re constantly worried about what people think of them. They obsess over their appearance, their social status, or their reputation. It’s possible that they’re afraid to express their true opinions or feelings for fear of judgment or rejection. This preoccupation with other people’s opinions can make them seem shallow and inauthentic.
5. They lack empathy and emotional depth.
Source: Unsplash Inauthentic people often struggle to connect with people on a deeper level. They may be unable to empathise with your feelings, dismiss your concerns, or offer shallow or insincere responses. They might also lack emotional depth, appearing indifferent or detached in situations that would normally evoke strong emotions.
6. They have a hard time admitting their mistakes.
Source: Unsplash They’re always quick to blame other people or external circumstances for their failures or shortcomings. They rarely take responsibility for their actions or apologise for their mistakes. This lack of accountability and humility is a clear sign of inauthenticity.
7. They’re not present in the moment.
Source: Unsplash They’re always distracted by their phones, social media, or other external stimuli. They interrupt you mid-sentence, zone out during conversations, or seem more interested in their own thoughts than in what you have to say. This lack of presence can make it difficult to connect with them on a deeper level.
8. They’re all about appearances.
Source: Unsplash They prioritise image over substance, so they dress to impress, surround themselves with trendy people and things, or boast about their accomplishments to make themselves look good. This focus on external validation can mask a lack of inner confidence and authenticity.
9. They lack a genuine sense of humour.
Source: Unsplash Their jokes often feel forced, rehearsed, or even a little mean-spirited. They laugh at things that aren’t funny or make jokes at other people’s expense. It’s like they’re trying too hard to be funny, and it comes across as insincere.
10. They gossip and talk behind people’s backs.
Inauthentic people often engage in gossip and backstabbing. They talk rubbish about their friends, family, or coworkers behind their backs, but act sweet and friendly to their faces. This two-faced behaviour is a major red flag and indicates a lack of loyalty and integrity.
11. They’re not interested in deep or meaningful conversations.
They tend to stick to superficial topics like gossip, celebrities, or the latest trends. In fact, they go out of their way to avoid conversations that require vulnerability or emotional depth because they’re not comfortable with those things. It’s like they’re afraid to let their guard down and show their true selves.
12. They’re always trying to impress people.
Inauthentic people are often focused on gaining people’s approval and admiration. They brag about their accomplishments, exaggerate their stories, or try to one-up everyone in the room. This need for external validation often stems from a lack of self-worth and insecurity.
13. They’re not reliable or trustworthy.
They make promises they don’t keep, flake on plans, or fail to follow through on their commitments. Not only that, but they gossip or share your secrets with other people, violating your trust. This lack of reliability can make it difficult to depend on them or feel secure in the relationship.
14. They lack self-awareness and refuse to take responsibility for their actions.
They blame people for their problems, make excuses for their mistakes, or simply refuse to acknowledge their own shortcomings. This lack of self-awareness can make it difficult to have honest conversations or resolve conflicts. It can also make them appear immature and unwilling to grow or change.
