When you finally realise you’re in a relationship with a narcissist and start to pull away, they’re bound to notice.
Sadly, this isn’t about a sudden realisation of love—they’re more interested in maintaining control. If they feel you slipping away, they’ll take action to reel you back in, and it won’t be subtle. Here are some things you can expect to come your way. It’s hard, but try not to let these tactics get to you. Instead, just work on getting away from them as soon as you can!
1. Love bombing again
They’ll flood you with affection and attention, just like they did in the beginning. Compliments, gifts, and promises of change are meant to remind you of why you stayed with them in the first place. But it’s all a tactic to hook you emotionally once more.
2. Gaslighting you even more
They’ll turn up the gaslighting, making you doubt your own feelings and memories. They’ll twist situations to make you think you’re overreacting or imagining things, all to keep you questioning yourself. This way, they keep control over your reality.
3. Playing the victim
When they feel you slipping away, they’ll suddenly become the victim. Everything is your fault, and they’re the one who’s been hurt. This tactic shifts the focus off their behaviour and puts it onto your supposed wrongdoings, distracting you from leaving.
4. Making grand promises
They’ll make big promises about changing, but it’s all a strategy to keep you from leaving. They’ll say anything to keep you around, even if they have no intention of following through. Once you stay, you’ll see little to no actual change.
5. Guilt-tripping you
Expect them to remind you of everything they’ve “done for you” as a way to make you feel guilty. They’ll act like you owe them your loyalty because of past favours, even if those favours came with strings attached. It’s all about making you feel indebted to them.
6. Isolating you from your support system
If they feel you slipping away, they’ll work hard to cut you off from your support system. They’ll criticise your friends or family, trying to convince you that only they understand you and that you should spend all your time with them. Isolation makes you easier to control.
7. Manipulating your emotions
They’ll play with your emotions, going from anger to tears to affection in the blink of an eye. This emotional rollercoaster is meant to confuse you and keep you off balance so you don’t see through their manipulation. It’s all about keeping you uncertain and dependent on them.
8. Making you question your worth
Narcissists will make you feel unworthy of love or attention from anyone else. They’ll point out your flaws, make you doubt your attractiveness, and remind you that no one else will put up with you the way they do. The goal is to make you believe you have no better options.
9. Starting fights over nothing
They’ll pick unnecessary fights to keep you emotionally drained. By creating conflict over the smallest things, they make sure you’re too tired or stressed to even think about leaving. Exhaustion weakens your ability to make clear decisions about the relationship.
10. Giving you the silent treatment
When they feel you slipping away, they might give you the silent treatment as punishment. This tactic is meant to make you desperate for their attention and affection again, bringing you back under their control. They thrive on making you feel neglected until you chase after them.
11. Using jealousy to reel you in
They might flirt with other people or talk about people who are interested in them just to make you jealous. This is their way of showing you that they have options, hoping you’ll try harder to keep their attention. It’s a manipulation tactic to make you feel insecure.
12. Acting like nothing happened
They might pretend that nothing is wrong and that everything is fine. This denial is meant to make you feel like you’re overreacting or imagining the distance in the relationship, keeping you confused and second-guessing yourself. They want to create doubt in your mind about leaving.
13. Creating a crisis
A narcissist might create a dramatic crisis to distract you from leaving. Whether it’s a health scare, a financial emergency, or a family issue, they’ll make sure you’re too wrapped up in the drama to focus on getting away. The crisis keeps your attention on them and off your plans to leave.
14. Threatening to leave first
If they feel you slipping away, they might try to beat you to the punch by threatening to leave you first. This is a power play, meant to make you beg them to stay, or at least make you feel like you’re not the one in control of the situation. They want you to believe they’re the one with the upper hand.
