You’ve heard it a million times before: healthy relationships are meant to be 50/50 — and in many ways, that’s true.
Both partners should be putting in equal amounts of time, effort, and care to keep the connection strong and thriving. That being said, putting your other half’s wants and needs before your own isn’t always the noble pursuit it seems, and in fact, it can end up working against you in certain situations. When these things are happening, it’s time to prioritise yourself without hesitation.
1. When your mental health is at risk
Your mental health is a cornerstone of your overall well-being, and it’s crucial to protect it, even in a relationship. If constant arguments, unrealistic expectations, or unresolved issues leave you feeling drained or anxious, it’s a sign that something needs to change. Ignoring these feelings can lead to burnout, resentment, or even more intense emotional struggles. Taking time to prioritise your mental health might mean setting boundaries, going to therapy, or simply carving out space to recharge. When you focus on improving your emotional resilience, you’re not just helping yourself—you’re also laying the groundwork for a healthier relationship dynamic.
2. When your boundaries are being tested
Every relationship needs boundaries, but it’s not uncommon for them to be tested. If your partner consistently disregards your limits, whether it’s about personal space, finances, or how you spend your time, it’s important to put your foot down. Letting your boundaries slide can lead to feelings of frustration and losing a sense of control over your life. Reinforcing your boundaries doesn’t mean pushing your partner away; it’s more about ensuring that your needs and comfort are respected. Communicating clearly and standing firm shows that you value yourself, which also sets an example for how you expect to be treated.
3. When your values are being compromised
Shared values are the foundation of a strong relationship, but sometimes you might feel pressured to compromise on something deeply important to you. Whether it’s about your career goals, beliefs, or lifestyle choices, ignoring your values to keep the peace can create long-term dissatisfaction. Prioritising your values means staying true to what feels right for you, even if it leads to tough conversations. When you honour your principles, you create a relationship based on authenticity and mutual respect rather than conformity.
4. When your partner’s actions don’t match their words
Actions speak louder than words, and if there’s a pattern of broken promises or unmet commitments, it’s worth re-evaluating how much effort you’re putting into the relationship. Constantly giving someone the benefit of the doubt without seeing change can leave you feeling undervalued. Taking a step back to assess the situation helps you focus on what you truly need from a partnership. Sometimes, putting yourself first means walking away from behaviours that don’t align with your standards or expectations.
5. When you feel isolated from your support network
It’s easy to get wrapped up in a relationship and unintentionally drift away from friends and family. However, if your partner discourages you from spending time with other people or monopolises your attention, it’s important to reconnect with your support network. Isolation can leave you vulnerable and overly reliant on one person. Maintaining those outside relationships strengthens your sense of independence and gives you a broader perspective. When you prioritise staying connected to your loved ones, you’re building a life that feels balanced and fulfilling.
6. When your financial stability is at stake
Money can be a tricky subject in relationships, but if your financial stability is being compromised—whether it’s due to reckless spending, unequal contributions, or pressure to take on debt—it’s time to put your needs first. Financial stress can quickly spill over into other areas of life, affecting your sense of security and peace of mind. By prioritising your financial health, you’re protecting your future and ensuring you’re in a position to make decisions that align with your goals. Open communication about money is key, but so is standing firm when it comes to protecting your hard-earned resources.
7. When your independence feels diminished
A healthy relationship allows space for each person to grow and thrive independently. If you feel like you’re losing your sense of self or your partner relies on you for everything, it’s worth examining whether the dynamic is balanced. Independence is what helps relationships stay fresh and fulfilling. Focusing on your hobbies, career, or personal goals can help you reclaim that independence. When you’re able to show up as your whole, authentic self, it not only benefits you but also strengthens the connection you share with your partner.
8. When your partner refuses to communicate
Communication is the backbone of any relationship, and if your partner consistently avoids important conversations, it can create a frustrating power imbalance. You might feel like you’re the only one trying to work through problems while they shut down or deflect. Putting yourself first in this situation means prioritising clarity and honesty. It’s okay to step away and give yourself the mental space to consider what you need, rather than trying to fix things single-handedly. A relationship can’t thrive without open and reciprocal communication.
9. When there’s no effort to resolve recurring conflicts
Every couple has disagreements, but unresolved conflicts that keep cropping up can take a toll on your emotional well-being. If your partner refuses to address the underlying issues or dismisses your concerns, it might be time to focus on your own peace. Taking care of yourself doesn’t mean avoiding the problem—it means deciding how much energy you’re willing to invest when there’s no resolution in sight. Prioritising your mental and emotional health often means recognising when to let go of patterns that only lead to frustration.
10. When your happiness consistently comes second
In a balanced relationship, both partners’ happiness should matter equally, but if you find yourself consistently putting your partner’s wants and needs above your own, it can lead to feelings of neglect and unhappiness. Over time, this imbalance can erode your sense of self-worth. Choosing to put your happiness doesn’t make you selfish! It just means you believe that your happiness is just as important as your partner’s, and it is. By prioritising what makes you happy, you’re more likely to create a relationship where both people feel valued and fulfilled.
11. When your health is being neglected
Whether it’s physical or emotional, neglecting your health to prioritise someone else’s needs can have long-term consequences. If you’re skipping meals, losing sleep, or ignoring stress because you’re too focused on your partner, it’s time to reassess. Taking care of yourself ensures you’re in the best position to navigate challenges and enjoy the relationship. When you prioritise your health, you’re setting an example that care and attention should flow both ways.
12. When trust is repeatedly broken
Trust is one of the cornerstones of a relationship, and when it’s broken repeatedly, it can be very hard to rebuild. If you’re constantly questioning your partner’s honesty or feeling unsure about their intentions, it’s worth considering how much of yourself you’re giving to the relationship. Putting yourself first here means acknowledging your worth and deciding whether the relationship aligns with your values. Rebuilding trust takes effort on both sides, but it can’t happen if one person isn’t willing to take responsibility for their actions.
13. When you feel emotionally manipulated
Emotional manipulation can take many forms, from guilt-tripping to gaslighting, and it often leaves you doubting yourself. If you notice these behaviours, it’s crucial to prioritise your emotional safety and confidence. Taking a step back to reflect on the dynamic can help you regain clarity and understand what’s really happening. Sometimes, putting yourself first means asking people you trust for support, especially since they might be able to provide perspective and encouragement.
14. When you’re sacrificing your dreams
Compromise is part of any relationship, but sacrificing your dreams entirely can lead to long-term regret. If you feel like you’re shelving your ambitions to accommodate someone else’s plans, it’s a sign that things may need to shift. Pursuing your dreams doesn’t mean leaving your partner behind—it means finding a way to balance your aspirations with your shared life. A strong relationship should support growth, not hold you back, and focusing on your goals ensures you stay true to yourself.
