We all pick up habits and traits from our parents, both good and bad.
Sometimes, without even realising it, we inherit those not-so-great patterns of behaviour that can hold us back or cause issues in our lives. Now, don’t get me wrong, we love our parents, but nobody’s perfect. Here are some of those toxic habits you might have unknowingly picked up from your parents, and how to break free from their grasp.
1. People-pleasing to the point of exhaustion
Source: Unsplash Did you grow up in a household where keeping everyone happy was the ultimate goal? If so, you might find yourself constantly saying “yes” to things you don’t want to do, just to avoid conflict or disappointment. This can lead to resentment, burnout, and a loss of your own identity. Remember, it’s okay to prioritise your own needs and say “no” when necessary.
2. Trouble expressing emotions openly
Maybe your family wasn’t big on expressing feelings, or maybe emotions were always met with criticism or dismissal. As a result, you might struggle to identify and articulate your own emotions, leading to bottled-up feelings and unhealthy coping mechanisms. It’s okay to feel your feelings and express them in a healthy way. Don’t be afraid to seek support from a therapist or trusted friend if you need help navigating your emotions.
3. Avoiding conflict at all costs
Was conflict swept under the rug in your childhood home? If so, you might have developed a habit of avoiding conflict at all costs, even when it’s necessary to address issues. This can lead to unresolved problems, resentment, and strained relationships. Learning to communicate assertively and address conflict head-on can lead to healthier and more fulfilling relationships.
4. Negative self-talk and self-criticism
Did your parents often criticise you or make you feel like you weren’t good enough? This can lead to internalised negative self-talk, where you constantly put yourself down and doubt your abilities. Remember, you are worthy of love and respect, and your thoughts have power. Challenge negative self-talk and replace it with positive affirmations.
5. Perfectionism to an unhealthy degree
Source: Unsplash Did your parents have unrealistically high expectations of you? If so, you might have developed a tendency towards perfectionism, always striving for flawlessness and fearing failure. This can lead to stress, anxiety, and a constant feeling of not being good enough. Remember, it’s okay to make mistakes and not be perfect. Perfection is an illusion, and striving for it is an impossible goal.
6. Trust issues
Did you experience broken promises or betrayals in your childhood? This can make it difficult to trust and form healthy relationships. You might find yourself constantly on guard, expecting the worst, or having difficulty opening up to people. Building trust takes time and effort, but it’s worth it to have meaningful connections. Start small by sharing your vulnerabilities with trusted friends and family members.
7. Overly controlling behaviour
If you grew up in a chaotic or unpredictable environment, you might have developed a need for control to feel safe and secure. This can manifest in micromanaging, obsessing over details, or having difficulty delegating tasks. It’s important to recognise that you can’t control everything, and that letting go can actually lead to more peace and happiness in your life.
8. Fear of failure or rejection.
Were your mistakes or failures met with harsh criticism or punishment? If so, you might have developed a deep-seated fear of failure or rejection. This can prevent you from taking risks, trying new things, or pursuing your dreams. Remember, failure is a natural part of life, and it’s often a stepping stone to success. Don’t let fear hold you back from reaching your full potential.
9. Emotional unavailability or codependency
Did your parents struggle with emotional intimacy or have an unhealthy dependence on each other? This could have led you to either shut down emotionally or become overly reliant on other people for your happiness and validation. Learning to identify and express your emotions in a healthy way, as well as cultivating healthy independence, are crucial steps in breaking this cycle.
10. Trouble setting boundaries
Were your personal boundaries respected growing up, or were they often crossed or disregarded? If so, you might struggle to set and enforce healthy boundaries in your own relationships. This can lead to people-pleasing, feeling taken advantage of, or experiencing resentment. Learning to communicate your needs and limits is key to maintaining healthy relationships and protecting your well-being.
11. Unhealthy coping mechanisms
Source: Unsplash Did you witness your parents using unhealthy coping mechanisms like substance abuse, overeating, or emotional withdrawal to deal with stress or difficult emotions? If so, you might have adopted similar patterns of behaviour. It’s important to recognise these unhealthy habits and replace them with healthier alternatives, such as exercise, meditation, or seeking support from a therapist.
12. Fear of intimacy
Source: Unsplash If your parents had a tumultuous or emotionally distant relationship, you might have developed a fear of intimacy. This can manifest an inability to trust, pushing people away, or sabotaging relationships when they get too close. Addressing this fear through therapy or self-reflection can help you build healthier and more fulfilling connections.
13. Conflict avoidance
If your childhood home was filled with constant arguments or unresolved conflicts, you might have learned to avoid conflict altogether. This can lead to bottling up your emotions, passive-aggressiveness, or allowing problems to fester and grow. Learning to communicate assertively and address conflict in a healthy way can help you build stronger relationships and resolve issues before they escalate.
14. A tendency towards codependency.
Source: Unsplash If one or both of your parents were emotionally dependent on you, it could have created a pattern of codependency in your own relationships. This can manifest as feeling responsible for other people’s happiness, sacrificing your own needs for theirs, or having difficulty setting boundaries. Recognising these patterns and learning to prioritise your own well-being are crucial steps in breaking free from codependency.
