We all need love and nurturing, especially from our mums.
But what happens when that love feels absent? It can leave a lasting impact that shows up in surprising ways as we grow older. While everyone’s experience is unique, there are some common threads that might resonate with you. If you’ve felt unloved by your mother, know that you’re not alone, and there’s always a path towards healing and understanding.
1. Your self-worth is in the toilet.
Growing up without a mother’s love can lead to a deep-seated feeling of not being good enough. You might find yourself constantly seeking approval and reassurance from other people, always trying to prove your worth. This can manifest in various ways, from seeking attention on social media to overachieving in your career. Remember, your value comes from within, and you don’t need anyone else’s validation to feel worthy of love and happiness.
2. You just can’t bring yourself to trust or get close to anyone.
If you didn’t receive unconditional love and support from your mother, it can be challenging to trust people and let them into your life. You might fear getting hurt or abandoned, so you build walls around yourself to protect your heart. This can lead to difficulty forming close relationships and a tendency to push people away before they can get too close. Remember, opening yourself up can be scary, but it’s also essential for creating meaningful connections and experiencing true intimacy.
3. You’re overly critical of yourself and have a harsh inner voice.
Growing up without a mother’s love and guidance can lead to internalising negative messages about yourself. You might constantly criticise yourself and have a harsh inner voice that tells you you’re not good enough, smart enough, or pretty enough. This negative self-talk can be incredibly damaging to your self-esteem and overall well-being. Remember to be kind to yourself, challenge those negative thoughts, and celebrate your strengths and accomplishments.
4. You tend to people-please and put other people’s needs before your own.
If you didn’t feel loved and valued by your mother, you might have learned to seek approval and love by pleasing people. This can lead to a pattern of putting everyone else’s needs before your own, constantly trying to make them happy, even at the expense of your own well-being. Remember, it’s okay to prioritise your own needs and set boundaries. You deserve to be treated with respect and consideration, just like everyone else.
5. You have difficulty setting boundaries and saying no.
Growing up without clear boundaries and consistent love from your mother can make it difficult to establish and maintain healthy boundaries in your own life. You might struggle to say no to people, even when it’s not in your best interest. This can lead to feeling overwhelmed, resentful, and taken advantage of. Remember, it’s okay to say no and prioritise your own needs. Setting boundaries is a sign of self-respect and self-love.
6. You struggle with feelings of abandonment and fear of rejection.
Feeling unloved by your mother can create a deep-seated fear of abandonment and rejection. You might constantly worry about being left alone or not being good enough for anyone. This fear can lead to clinginess in relationships and a tendency to overreact to any perceived sign of rejection. Remember, you’re not alone in these feelings, and it’s okay to ask for support from loved ones or a therapist to help you navigate them.
7. You have a tendency to attract emotionally unavailable partners.
If you didn’t receive consistent love and support from your mother, you might unconsciously be drawn to partners who are also emotionally unavailable. This can lead to a cycle of unhealthy relationships where you’re constantly trying to fill an emotional void. Remember, you deserve to be with someone who loves and cherishes you for who you are. Don’t settle for anything less than the love and respect you deserve.
8. You might have trouble regulating your emotions and experience mood swings.
Growing up without a stable emotional foundation can make it difficult to regulate your own emotions. You might experience mood swings, difficulty coping with stress, or a tendency to lash out when you feel overwhelmed. Remember, it’s okay to ask for help and get some support from loved ones or a therapist. There are tools and techniques you can learn to better manage your emotions and create a sense of inner peace.
9. You struggle to express your own needs and desires.
Growing up without a mother who actively listened to and validated your needs can make it difficult to express them as an adult. You might feel uncomfortable speaking up for yourself or asking for what you want, fearing that you’ll be seen as selfish or demanding. Remember, your needs are valid, and it’s okay to express them openly and honestly. Communicating your needs is essential for healthy relationships and personal well-being.
10. You have a hard time receiving compliments or praise.
If you didn’t receive positive reinforcement from your mother, you might struggle to accept compliments or praise from people. You might feel awkward or uncomfortable when someone acknowledges your accomplishments or expresses their admiration for you. Remember, you deserve to be celebrated and recognised for your strengths and achievements. Don’t brush off compliments or downplay your successes. Embrace them as a testament to your hard work and dedication.
11. You constantly compare yourself to people and feel like you’re never enough.
Growing up feeling unloved by your mother can create a sense of inadequacy and a tendency to compare yourself to anyone and everyone. You might feel like you’re constantly falling short, never measuring up to the standards you set for yourself or the ones you think other people have. Remember, everyone has their own unique strengths and weaknesses. Focus on your own journey and celebrate your individual accomplishments. Don’t get caught up in the comparison game – it only leads to unhappiness and self-doubt.
12. You have a tendency to self-sabotage and undermine your own success.
If you didn’t receive unconditional love and support from your mother, you might unconsciously sabotage your own happiness and success. This can manifest in various ways, such as procrastination, self-destructive behaviours, or even pushing away opportunities that come your way. Remember, you deserve to be happy and successful. Don’t let past hurts and insecurities hold you back from achieving your goals and dreams.
13. You feel a deep sense of loneliness and isolation, even when surrounded by people.
Even if you have friends and family who love and support you, the emotional void left by a lack of maternal love can create a deep sense of loneliness and isolation. You might feel like no one truly understands you or sees the real you. Remember, you’re not alone in these feelings. Get the support you need from loved ones, a therapist, or a support group. Connecting with people who have had similar experiences can be incredibly healing and empowering.
14. You struggle with self-acceptance and embracing your flaws and imperfections.
If you didn’t feel loved and accepted by your mother, it can be challenging to accept yourself as you are, flaws and all. You might strive for perfection, constantly trying to fix yourself or hide your perceived flaws. Remember, everyone has imperfections. Embrace your unique qualities and learn to love yourself unconditionally. You’re worthy of love and acceptance, just as you are.
