Dealing with toxic people can feel like a full-time job, especially when they twist situations to make you feel like the bad guy.
Whether it’s a manipulative friend, a difficult colleague, or a family member who always finds a way to blame you for their problems, it’s easy to fall into the trap of taking on responsibility that definitely isn’t yours. The thing is, you’re not responsible for managing their emotions, fixing their mistakes, or making their bad behaviour easier for them. It’s time to let go of that weight and stop carrying the blame for things you didn’t cause. It’s time to stop taking responsibility for other people’s toxicity and protect your peace — here’s how to do it.
1. Recognise that their behaviour is their issue, not yours.
Toxic people have a way of making you feel like you’re somehow responsible for how they act, but the truth is, you’re not. If someone is rude, manipulative, or constantly creating drama, that’s a reflection of them, not you. It’s easy to get caught up in trying to “fix” their behaviour or wondering if you did something to trigger it, but their actions are a result of who they are, not what you did. When you realise that their toxicity existed long before you and will continue long after you, it becomes easier to step back and stop carrying guilt for things that aren’t your fault. You’re responsible for your own actions, not their reactions.
2. Stop apologising for things that aren’t your fault.
One of the easiest ways toxic people manipulate everyone around them is by making them feel guilty for things they didn’t do. If you find yourself constantly apologising to someone, even when you’ve done nothing wrong, it’s time to stop. You don’t need to say sorry just to keep the peace, especially when you’re not actually in the wrong. Instead of instinctively apologising when they throw blame at you, pause and ask yourself, “Did I actually do something wrong here?” If the answer is no, don’t apologise. It’s not your job to absorb their misplaced anger just to smooth things over.
3. Set boundaries and actually stick to them.
Setting boundaries is one thing, but enforcing them is another. Toxic people love to test boundaries, pushing to see how much they can get away with. If you say, “I’m not discussing this with you,” but they keep pushing, and you eventually cave, they’ve just learned that persistence gets them what they want. Boundaries only work if you hold firm. Whether it’s limiting your time around them, refusing to engage in their drama, or walking away when they cross a line, the more consistent you are, the less power they have over you.
4. Stop explaining yourself to people who don’t want to understand.
Toxic people love to act like they “just don’t get” why you’re upset or why their behaviour is a problem. But here’s the thing — they do. They’re not confused, they’re just using your need to explain yourself as a way to exhaust and manipulate you. If someone keeps twisting your words, pretending they don’t understand, or refusing to accept your perspective, no matter how many times you explain, stop wasting your breath. If they truly wanted to understand, they would. Save your energy for people who actually listen.
5. Refuse to be their emotional punching bag.
Some people think they have the right to dump all their anger, frustration, and negativity onto other people like it’s their personal therapy session. If someone constantly offloads their problems onto you, criticises you, or lashes out at you whenever they’re in a bad mood, you don’t have to stand there and take it. Letting them vent their frustrations onto you isn’t “helping” them; it’s just giving them a free pass to treat you like garbage. If they don’t handle their emotions in a healthy way, that’s their responsibility, not yours.
6. Don’t engage in their drama.
Toxic people thrive on drama, and the more you react to it, the more fuel you give them. If they start picking fights, stirring up gossip, or trying to pull you into their chaos, the best thing you can do is refuse to play along. You don’t have to defend yourself, prove your point, or get involved in their nonsense. Sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do is let them create drama all by themselves while you quietly exit the scene.
7. Accept that you can’t change them.
It’s tempting to believe that if you just say the right thing, explain yourself better, or show them how much they’re hurting you, they’ll finally change. But the truth is, toxic people don’t change unless they actually want to — and most of the time, they don’t. Trying to “help” or “fix” them will only drain your energy and leave you feeling frustrated. The sooner you accept that their behaviour is out of your control, the easier it will be to let go and stop feeling responsible for their toxicity.
8. Stop making excuses for them.
It’s easy to fall into the habit of justifying someone’s bad behaviour —”They had a tough childhood,” “They don’t realise they’re being hurtful,” “They’re just under a lot of stress right now.” But while empathy is important, it doesn’t mean you have to accept mistreatment. Plenty of people go through tough times without taking it out on everyone around them. The moment you stop making excuses for them, you take away their power to keep treating you badly.
9. Don’t let them guilt-trip you.
Manipulative people love using guilt to control everyone else. They’ll bring up past favours, play the victim, or make you feel selfish for putting yourself first. But guilt is their tool — it only works if you allow it to. Recognise when someone is using guilt against you and remind yourself that you are allowed to make choices based on what’s best for you. You don’t owe them unlimited access to your time and energy just because they try to make you feel bad about it.
10. Trust your instincts.
If someone constantly makes you feel drained, anxious, or like you’re walking on eggshells, trust that feeling. Your intuition picks up on things before your brain fully registers them, and if a person feels toxic, they probably are. You don’t need concrete proof or a dramatic confrontation to justify distancing yourself. If someone’s energy is off, and they make your life harder instead of easier, that’s reason enough to step back.
11. Don’t let them rewrite history.
Toxic people love rewriting events to make themselves look like the victim, and you look like the villain. They’ll deny things they said, twist situations to suit their narrative, and make you question your own memory. If you know what happened, trust yourself. You don’t have to argue or prove anything to them — just recognise their pattern and refuse to let them manipulate you.
12. Prioritise your own mental health.
You’re not a dumping ground for someone else’s negativity. Your peace, your happiness, and your well-being matter. If being around a toxic person constantly leaves you feeling drained, anxious, or upset, it’s time to put yourself first. Protecting your mental health isn’t selfish, it’s necessary. The healthier you are, the better you’ll be at handling life in general, and that includes dealing with toxic people.
13. Let go of the need for their approval.
Some people will never see your side of things, never admit when they’re wrong, and never give you the validation you’re hoping for. The sooner you let go of needing their approval, the less control they have over you. You don’t need their understanding to move on. You just need to trust yourself enough to know that walking away from their toxicity is the right thing to do.
14. Walk away if you need to.
Sometimes, the best way to protect yourself from toxicity is to remove yourself entirely. It doesn’t matter if they’re a friend, a colleague, or even family — if they are damaging your mental or even physical health, you’re allowed to walk away. Cutting ties with a toxic person isn’t giving up or being cruel. It’s recognising that you deserve better. And you do.
