Hearing “just get over it” when you’re upset about something someone did is invalidating and just plain rude.
When someone says this, they’re trying to throw the blame back onto you instead of acknowledging the hurt their behaviour caused, and that’s not okay. While it’s tempting to react with frustration, there are assertive and productive ways to respond that get your feelings across and make it clear that you’re not going to be dismissed. When this happens to you, here are a few graceful ways to respond that still ensures you stand your ground, just as you should.
1. “I need you to understand why this hurt me.”
When someone brushes off your feelings, calmly bringing them back to the impact of their actions can refocus the conversation. Instead of letting their dismissal derail things, redirect the focus to how their behaviour affected you. By saying this, you’re making it clear that their understanding is key to moving forward. This flips the dynamic, giving them an opportunity to listen rather than avoid responsibility. It also sets the tone that you’re looking for resolution, not drama, which can encourage a more constructive conversation about what happened.
2. “Getting over it isn’t the same as addressing it.”
Dismissing hurt feelings under the guise of “getting over it” ignores the need for accountability. This one subtly points out that resolution comes from addressing the issue, not sweeping it under the rug. It’s a simple but effective way to let them know the problem can’t be ignored. By framing your response this way, you encourage them to engage with the issue rather than dismiss it. It also notes that your feelings deserve to be acknowledged, even if the situation feels uncomfortable for them.
3. “Why does it bother you that I’m upset?”
When someone says “just get over it,” they might be deflecting their own discomfort. Asking why they’re uncomfortable with your emotions can encourage them to reflect on their behaviour. This question makes it clear that your feelings are valid and prompts them to consider their role in the situation. It’s also a way to remind them that emotions aren’t a problem to be solved—they’re a natural response to hurtful actions. This approach shifts the focus from blaming you for feeling upset to examining the root of the conflict.
4. “I’ll get over it when we’ve addressed it.”
This makes it clear that moving on isn’t possible without closure, and it lets them know that ignoring the issue doesn’t resolve anything — that their participation in the process is non-negotiable. You’re not being difficult; you’re setting boundaries around how you deserve to be treated. By framing your response this way, you communicate your willingness to move forward, but only if they’re willing to address the problem. It reinforces the idea that resolution requires effort from both sides, not just one.
5. “Telling me to ‘get over it’ isn’t helping.”
Sometimes people dismiss emotions because they don’t know how to handle them. By calmly pointing out that their comment isn’t helpful, you give them a chance to reconsider their approach. It’s a way of saying, “I need something more constructive from you right now.” Using this frank response can also defuse tension, as it focuses on the behaviour without attacking them personally. It’s a straightforward way to let them know you need understanding, not dismissal, in that moment.
6. “Would you feel the same way if it happened to you?”
This question helps them see the situation from your perspective. It encourages empathy by asking them to consider how they’d feel if the roles were reversed. It’s a way to challenge their dismissive attitude without escalating the disagreement you’re having. Empathy often leads to better understanding, so this response can open the door to a more productive conversation. It shifts the focus from invalidating your feelings to recognising the broader impact of their actions.
7. “I’m not ready to move on yet, and that’s okay.”
This asserts your right to take the time you need to process your emotions. Plus, it reminds them that healing doesn’t happen on command and that their impatience won’t speed up the process. It’s a calm but firm way of setting a boundary around your feelings. By normalising your need for time, you also reinforce the idea that emotions don’t have a timeline. It’s okay to honour your feelings, even if others think you should be over them by now.
8. “What are you doing to help me move past this?”
If they’re asking you to move on, it’s fair to ask what they’re doing to make that possible. You’re pointing out that healing isn’t a solo effort — it requires effort from the person who caused the hurt as well. It’s a way of holding them accountable without being confrontational. By flipping the focus back to their behaviour, you make it clear that resolution is a shared responsibility. It also encourages them to consider how they can actively support your healing rather than rushing you through it.
9. “I need to talk about this, not ignore it.”
When someone tells you to “get over it,” they might be trying to avoid an awkward or uncomfortable conversation. By stating what you need, you shift the focus to constructive communication. It’s a way of saying, “This matters to me, and we need to address it together.” Setting this expectation lets them know that dismissing your feelings isn’t an option. It also opens the door to a more productive conversation, where both sides can share their perspectives and work toward a resolution.
10. “Your reaction makes me feel dismissed.”
Calling out how their words affect you can be a powerful way to shift the conversation. It moves the focus from what they think you should do to how their behaviour is making you feel. This response is both assertive and emotionally honest. By making your feelings clear, you encourage them to reflect on their impact without resorting to blame. In theory, this should encourage understanding and invite them to respond with more care in the future.
11. “Let’s focus on why this is still an issue.”
This redirects the conversation to the root cause of the conflict rather than the emotions it’s stirred up. It reminds them that the issue won’t resolve itself without meaningful discussion. You’re not dwelling on the past, you’re looking for a way forward. Focusing on the why rather than the what encourages collaboration and accountability. It also makes it clear that dismissing your feelings isn’t a solution, but addressing the problem together can be.
12. “I’m not asking for perfection, just accountability.”
Sometimes people dismiss emotions because they feel overwhelmed or defensive. This one reassures them that you’re not expecting impossible standards, just a willingness to own their actions. It’s a way of keeping the conversation constructive rather than combative. By setting realistic expectations, you make it easier for them to engage in the discussion. It also reinforces the importance of accountability, which is essential for trust and resolution.
13. “This isn’t about blame; it’s about understanding.”
Dismissing emotions often comes from a fear of being blamed. By reframing the conversation around understanding rather than fault, you create a safer space for frank conversation. This one is particularly effective if you sense defensiveness in their reaction. Focusing on understanding encourages them to listen without feeling attacked. It also changes the conversation from assigning blame to finding common ground, which can lead to a more positive outcome for both of you.
14. “I can’t move on without feeling heard.”
This asserts your need for validation before you can let go of the issue. It highlights that feeling dismissed only prolongs the hurt, while being heard can help you heal. It’s a simple but powerful way to communicate your needs. By expressing this clearly, you make it easier for them to understand what you’re asking for. Feeling heard is often the first step toward resolution, and this response helps set the stage for that process.
15. “Let’s figure out how to prevent this in the future.”
Focusing on prevention rather than past mistakes can shift the tone of the conversation. It shows that you’re invested in moving forward, but only in a way that ensures the issue doesn’t repeat itself. It’s a proactive approach that keeps the discussion constructive. By addressing future behaviours, you encourage growth and accountability. It also demonstrates that your goal isn’t to get stuck on the past; it’s to build a stronger, healthier dynamic moving forward.
