Let’s get straight to the point: if people keep putting you down, there must be a reason for it.
Maybe you’ve been oblivious to the causes, or maybe you just need to hear the unvarnished truth. Either way, it’s time for a bold dose of reality. In this no-nonsense article, we’ll lay out 15 blunt explanations for why you might be getting chronically underestimated, undermined, or flat-out insulted. Ready for some tough love? Let’s do this.
1. You apologise nonstop, often for things you didn’t even do.
Constantly saying sorry sends a loud message that you’re not confident. If you reflexively apologise for everything, even when you’ve done nothing wrong, people will start to view you as weak and easily pushed around. Excessive apologies make it seem like you doubt your own worth and don’t expect to be treated well. Save the mea culpas for when you’ve actually messed up. Otherwise, you’re signalling that you’re an easy doormat.
2. You don’t set any boundaries.
If you let people cross lines without speaking up, they’ll keep right on stomping all over you. Failing to set firm boundaries teaches people that you’ll tolerate being mistreated. If someone puts you down, and you just take it meekly, they’ll assume you find their behaviour acceptable. You have to stand up for yourself and make it crystal clear that you expect respect. Wishy-washy boundaries will always get trampled.
3. You can’t accept a compliment to save your life.
Source: Unsplash Brushing off praise and positive feedback makes you seem insecure and self-loathing. If you reflexively negate compliments or downplay your accomplishments, people will start to mirror that low opinion back at you. Graciously accepting appreciation demonstrates quiet confidence. Constantly deflecting it projects a lack of self-esteem. If you want people to value you, you have to act like you value yourself. Embrace those compliments — you’ve earned them.
4. You take everything personally.
Source: Unsplash If you’re hyper-sensitive and react defensively to every slight, people may put you down just to watch you crumble. Taking every little thing personally screams, “I’m fragile, insecure, and easily rattled.” Learning to let stuff roll off your back shows resilience. If you get visibly upset over minor jabs, people will keep jabbing to get a rise out of you. Maintain your composure and you’ll command more respect.
5. You’re a major oversharer.
Regularly spilling your guts about personal issues makes you seem desperate and needy. People who overshare are often targets for put-downs because they seem to be fishing for pity or reassurance. Maintain a sense of mystery. You don’t need to bare your soul to every random acquaintance. Keeping some things private shows healthy boundaries and self-containment. Oversharing just provides ammo for people to use against you later.
6. You’re excessively negative.
Source: Unsplash If you’re constantly complaining, whining, or pointing out flaws, don’t be shocked when people start aiming some negativity back at you. Unrelenting pessimism is exhausting to be around. No one wants to hang out with a perpetual downer. Finding fault in everything makes you an easy mark for criticism in return. Try being the voice of positivity sometimes. You’ll be putting out a vibe that invites more kindness and respect.
7. You radiate desperation.
Source: Unsplash Reeking of neediness is a guaranteed way to attract belittling comments. If you seem desperate for approval, attention, or affection, people will withhold those very things. Desperation is a huge turn-off. It makes people want to push you away, often through harsh put-downs. Find ways to feel whole and content on your own. Neediness just leaves you open to verbal target practice. Radiating fulfilment repels those insults.
8. You fish for compliments all the time.
Source: Unsplash Constantly begging for validation is a magnet for mean-spirited digs. Repeatedly asking, “Am I good enough? Do you like me?” makes you seem insufferably insecure. People get tired of propping up their self-image. They start to resent the emotional labour. Dial back the need for external approval. If you keep handing people an engraved invitation to insult you, some of them are going to RSVP ‘yes.’ Find your inner sense of worth.
9. You’re oblivious to social cues.
Source: Unsplash Repeatedly missing social signals makes you a prime target for mockery. If you keep barrelling into conversations uninvited, overstaying your welcome, or ignoring body language, people will start to passive-aggressively put you in your place. Sharpen your social radar. Notice when eyes are glazing over or people are backing away. If you keep being inadvertently rude, deliberate rudeness will be shot right back at you.
10. You’re always the victim.
Source: Unsplash Constantly playing the martyr is an open invitation for people to cut you down. If everything is always happening TO you, and you take zero responsibility, people will serve you a heaping portion of tough reality. Victimhood is not a good look. It makes people want to knock you off your cross. Take ownership of your life and choices. You can’t control what happens, but you can control your response. Ditch the ‘woe is me’ schtick.
11. You surround yourself with jerks.
Source: Unsplash If you hang out with toxic, judgmental people, you’re signing up to be the punching bag. You’re the sum of those you surround yourself with. If your social circle is full of critics, you’ll be dodging insults 24/7. Curate your crew carefully. Ditch the energy vampires and emotional bullies. Seek kind, uplifting people who know how to give compliments, not just sling mud. You control your environment.
12. You don’t respect other people’s boundaries.
Source: Unsplash Ignoring other people’s limits will quickly get you put in your place. If you keep giving unasked-for advice, prying into private matters, or crossing physical lines, firm verbal smackdowns will be coming your way. Respect boundaries. If someone says, “Not now,” “Too much,” or “Back off,” listen the first time. Don’t make them brandish their verbal taser. Heed those warning signs or expect to get rhetorically shocked.
13. You’re always bragging.
Source: Unsplash Incessant humblebragging is a recipe for scorn and derision. If you can’t open your mouth without mentioning your achievements, possessions, or connections, people will gleefully take you down a peg. Confidence is great; arrogance is ugly. There’s a fine line between owning your awesome and rubbing it in everyone’s faces. Toot your own horn strategically, or people will use it to whack you over the head. Stay humble.
14. You try to please everyone.
Source: Unsplash Being an obsequious people-pleaser invites disrespect and condescension. If you’re always twisting yourself into a pretzel trying to appease everyone, you’ll end up with no spine and no self-respect. Having solid values and boundaries is more important than keeping the peace. Stand up for yourself. If you seem like you’ll do anything to avoid ruffling feathers, prepare to be plucked. Please yourself first.
15. You’re a conversation hog.
Source: Unsplash Endlessly monopolising every discussion will get you verbally slapped down. If you’re always cutting people off, redirecting things back to yourself, and treating every chat like your personal monologue, people will want to take you down a notch. Conversation should be a tennis match, not a solo rally. If you keep hogging the ball, it’ll eventually get lobbed right at your head. Share the spotlight and invite other people to shine.
