Backhanded compliments are the worst.
You know the ones — those sneaky little digs disguised as praise, designed to undermine your confidence and make you question yourself. They’re the verbal equivalent of a slap in the face with a silk glove. The problem is, they can be so subtle and insidious that it’s hard to know how to respond in the moment. Do you call the person out on their rudeness? Pretend you didn’t notice? Laugh it off? Here are a few possibilities.
1. “Thanks, I didn’t realise you were such an expert on [insert topic].”
This response is perfect for when someone tries to undermine your knowledge or experience with a backhanded compliment. For example, if they say something like, “Wow, I’m surprised you were able to figure that out on your own,” you can reply with, “Thanks, I didn’t realise you were such an expert on my abilities.” This puts the focus back on them and their presumptuous attitude, and makes it clear that you don’t appreciate their condescension.
2. “I appreciate your perspective, but I respectfully disagree.”
Sometimes, a backhanded compliment is really just a thinly veiled criticism or opinion. For example, if someone says, “You’re brave for wearing that outfit,” they’re really just saying they don’t like your style. In this case, a simple, polite response like, “I appreciate your perspective, but I respectfully disagree,” shows that you’re confident in your choices and don’t need their approval. It also shuts down any further discussion on the topic.
3. “Thanks, I’ll take that as a compliment.”
This is a great catch-all response for when you’re not quite sure if someone is trying to insult you or not. By choosing to interpret their words in a positive light, you’re taking the high road and refusing to engage with their negativity. For example, if someone says, “You’ve lost weight, you look so much better now,” you can reply with, “Thanks, I’ll take that as a compliment on my overall health and well-being.” This shows that you’re not going to let their backhanded praise bring you down.
4. “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that. Could you repeat it?”
Playing dumb can be a powerful way to call someone out on their backhanded compliment without being confrontational. By asking them to repeat themselves, you’re forcing them to either own up to their rudeness or backtrack and rephrase their words in a more positive light. For example, if someone says, “You’re smarter than you look,” you can reply with, “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that. Could you repeat it?” Chances are, they’ll realise how awful their “compliment” sounded and try to cover their tracks.
5. “Thank you, I’ve worked really hard to [insert accomplishment].”
Sometimes, the best way to respond to a backhanded compliment is to take it at face value and use it as an opportunity to celebrate your own achievements. For example, if someone says, “I never thought you’d be able to pull off that project,” you can reply with, “Thank you, I’ve worked really hard to develop my skills and expertise in this area.” This shows that you’re proud of your accomplishments and won’t let anyone diminish them.
6. “I’m flattered that you noticed.”
Source: Unsplash This is a great response for when someone makes a backhanded compliment about your appearance or personal traits. For example, if they say something like, “You look so much prettier when you smile,” you can reply with, “I’m flattered that you noticed my smile, but I actually prefer to express myself authentically, even if that means not always looking ‘pretty’.” This shows that you’re confident in yourself and don’t need their approval to feel good about who you are.
7. “Thanks, but I don’t really need a compliment right now.”
Source: Unsplash Sometimes, the best way to shut down a backhanded compliment is to nip it in the bud before it even happens. If you sense that someone is about to say something undermining or insulting disguised as praise, you can preemptively cut them off with a polite but firm, “Thanks, but I don’t really need a compliment right now.” This shows that you’re not interested in engaging with their negativity and would rather focus on more positive topics.
8. “I’ll have to remember that the next time I’m looking for validation from anyone.”
Source: Unsplash This is a great sarcastic response for when someone gives you a backhanded compliment that’s really just a thinly veiled insult. For example, if they say something like, “You’re so brave for not caring what other people think of you,” you can reply with, “I’ll have to remember that the next time I’m looking for validation from anyone, thanks.” This shows that you see right through their fake praise and aren’t going to let their negativity get to you.
9. “I’m curious, what made you feel the need to say that?”
Source: Unsplash Asking someone to explain their backhanded compliment can be a powerful way to call them out on their rudeness without being aggressive. By putting the focus back on them and their motivations, you’re forcing them to confront the real meaning behind their words. For example, if someone says, “You’re so much fun when you drink,” you can reply with, “I’m curious, what made you feel the need to qualify your compliment with my drinking habits?” This puts them on the spot and makes them think twice about their backhanded behaviour.
10. “Thanks, but I think we have different definitions of [insert adjective].”
Source: Unsplash This is a great response for when someone uses a positive word in a negative way. For example, if they say something like, “You’re so quirky,” but their tone implies that they don’t mean it as a compliment, you can reply with, “Thanks, but I think we have different definitions of quirky. To me, it means being uniquely myself, and I’m proud of that.” This shows that you won’t let them redefine your positive traits as negative ones.
11. “I’ll take that under advisement.”
Source: Unsplash This is a polite but firm way to shut down a backhanded compliment and end the conversation. It’s basically a fancy way of saying, “Thanks, but no thanks.” For example, if someone says, “You’d be so much prettier if you wore more makeup,” you can reply with, “I’ll take that under advisement, but I’m actually quite happy with my natural look.” This shows that you’ve heard their “advice,” but you’re not going to let it influence your choices or self-esteem.
12. “I’m not sure how to respond to that.”
Source: Unsplash Sometimes, the best way to respond to a backhanded compliment is to simply express your confusion or discomfort. By saying something like, “I’m not sure how to respond to that,” you’re putting the awkwardness back on the other person and forcing them to confront the inappropriateness of their words. It’s a way of saying, “What you just said was not okay, and I’m not going to pretend it was.” This can be especially effective in professional or social situations where you don’t want to make a scene, but you also don’t want to let the comment slide.
13. “I don’t really see it that way, but thanks for sharing your opinion.”
This is a diplomatic way to acknowledge someone’s backhanded compliment without agreeing with it or letting it get under your skin. It’s a way of saying, “I hear you, but I don’t agree, and that’s okay.” For example, if someone says, “I’m surprised you got the job, considering your lack of experience,” you can reply with, “I don’t really see it that way, but thanks for sharing your opinion. I believe my unique skills and perspective are what set me apart.” This shows that you’re confident in yourself and your abilities, even if other people try to undermine them.
14. “I’m happy with who I am, but thank you for your concern.”
Source: Unsplash This is a great response for when someone gives you a backhanded compliment that’s really more about their own issues than yours. For example, if they say something like, “You’re so lucky you don’t have to worry about your weight,” you can reply with, “I’m happy with who I am, but thank you for your concern. I actually do prioritise my health and well-being, just in my own way.” This shows that you’re not going to let their projection or insecurity influence your self-image.
15. “I’m not really interested in unsolicited feedback, but thanks anyway.”
Source: Unsplash Finally, if someone just won’t stop with the backhanded compliments, and you’re tired of engaging with their negativity, you can shut it down with a simple, direct statement like, “I’m not really interested in unsolicited feedback, but thanks anyway.” This makes it clear that you don’t want or need their opinion, and you’re not going to waste any more time or energy on their backhanded behaviour. It’s a way of setting a firm boundary and taking back your power in the conversation.
Remember, dealing with backhanded compliments is all about staying true to yourself and not letting other people’s negativity bring you down.
Source: Unsplash Whether you choose to respond with humour, sarcasm, diplomacy, or directness, the most important thing is to maintain your confidence and self-respect. Don’t let anyone else’s words define you or make you question your worth. You are amazing just as you are, and anyone who tries to undermine that with backhanded compliments is not worth your time or energy. Keep shining, and let the haters hate.
