Some people seem to thrive on making life much harder than it has to be — for themselves and everyone else.
They can be incredibly draining to be around, and sometimes you don’t exactly have the option to avoid them. If that’s the case for you, you don’t have to let them ruin your day. When dealing with difficult people, do these things to keep your sanity and avoid losing your cool.
1. Don’t take it personally.
Remember, their behaviour is usually more about them than you. It’s easy to get caught up in their negativity, but try to remind yourself that their actions are often rooted in their own insecurities or frustrations. Take a step back and view the situation objectively, rather than internalising their words or actions.
2. Remain calm and composed.
Difficult people can easily trigger our emotions, but it’s important to remain calm and collected. Take a deep breath, count to ten, or simply excuse yourself from the situation if necessary. Responding with anger or frustration will only escalate the situation and give them more power. Instead, maintain a neutral tone and avoid getting dragged into their drama.
3. Set clear boundaries and stick to them.
Difficult people often push boundaries and try to manipulate situations to their advantage. It’s crucial to establish clear boundaries from the outset and firmly enforce them. Let them know what you will and won’t tolerate, and don’t be afraid to say no or walk away if they try to cross the line. Remember, you have the right to protect your own well-being.
4. Don’t engage in arguments or try to change them.
Trying to reason with a difficult person or change their behaviour is often futile and exhausting. Instead, focus on managing your own reactions and responses. Avoid getting drawn into arguments or power struggles. Stay calm, state your position clearly, and then disengage. You can’t control their behaviour, but you can control your own.
5. Find common ground and focus on shared goals.
Even with difficult people, there might be areas of agreement or shared objectives. Try to find common ground and focus on those aspects. This can help create a more positive and productive interaction. Look for opportunities to collaborate or find solutions that work for both of you. Sometimes, finding a shared purpose can bridge the gap between different personalities.
6. Use humour to defuse tension.
A well-timed joke or a light-hearted comment can sometimes break the ice and defuse a tense situation. Humour can help to disarm a difficult person and create a more relaxed atmosphere. However, be mindful of the type of humour you use and ensure it’s appropriate for the situation and doesn’t offend anyone.
7. Practice active listening and try to understand their perspective.
Sometimes, difficult people just want to be heard and understood. Practice active listening by paying attention to their words, acknowledging their feelings, and asking clarifying questions. Even if you don’t agree with their perspective, showing empathy and trying to understand their point of view can help de-escalate the situation and build rapport.
8. Don’t try to fix their problems or offer unsolicited advice.
It’s tempting to try to help a difficult person by offering solutions or advice, but it’s often not helpful and can even backfire. Unless they specifically ask for your help, resist the urge to fix their problems. Instead, focus on supporting them through active listening and offering empathy.
9. Choose your battles wisely.
Not every disagreement or conflict needs to be a battleground. Sometimes, it’s okay to let things go and agree to disagree. Pick your battles wisely and focus your energy on the issues that truly matter. Don’t get bogged down in petty arguments or try to win every single point. Sometimes, the best way to outsmart a difficult person is to simply walk away.
10. Don’t stoop to their level.
It’s easy to get sucked into a negative spiral when dealing with a difficult person. But resist the urge to reciprocate their behaviour. Don’t resort to name-calling, insults, or passive-aggressive remarks. Maintain your composure and take the high road. Remember, two wrongs don’t make a right.
11. Limit your interactions and take breaks when needed.
If you find yourself constantly drained or stressed by a difficult person, it’s okay to limit your interactions with them. You don’t have to be their best friend or spend all your time with them. Take breaks when you need them and prioritise your own well-being. It’s okay to distance yourself from people who consistently bring you down.
12. Focus on solutions, not problems.
Instead of dwelling on the negative aspects of the situation, try to focus on finding solutions. If you have a conflict with a difficult person, brainstorm ways to resolve it. Look for compromises or alternative approaches that can satisfy both parties. By focusing on solutions, you can move past the conflict and create a more positive outcome.
13. Use “I” statements to express your feelings and needs.
Instead of blaming or accusing a difficult person, use “I” statements to express how their behaviour affects you. For example, instead of saying “You’re always so rude,” you could say “I feel hurt when you speak to me in that tone.” This approach is less confrontational and allows you to communicate your feelings without putting the other person on the defensive.
14. Go to your friends for support.
Dealing with difficult people can be draining, so don’t hesitate to seek support from friends, family, or a therapist. Talk to someone you trust about your experiences and feelings. They can offer a listening ear, provide advice, and help you develop coping mechanisms. Remember, you don’t have to go through this alone.
15. Know when to walk away.
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, it’s simply not possible to have a healthy relationship with a difficult person. If someone consistently disrespects you, undermines your well-being, or creates unnecessary drama, it might be time to walk away. It’s okay to prioritise your own happiness and surround yourself with positive and supportive people.
