For narcissists, double standards are basically an art form.
It’s one rule for them, and a whole other set for everyone else — and they’ll hold you to them, as well. Their attitude is very “do as I say, not as I do,” and they don’t seem to care that their expectations are unfair, unrealistic, or inappropriate. Here’s why they have no qualms about holding everyone else to entirely different standards than they live by themselves.
1. Control is their favourite pastime.
For a narcissist, life is about staying in charge, and double standards are one of their favourite tools. By creating rules that only apply to everyone else, they ensure that their needs are always prioritised. If they hold the reins, they never have to answer for their behaviour or adjust to anyone else’s expectations.
2. They’re convinced they’re special.
Narcissists genuinely believe they’re too unique to follow the same guidelines as everyone else. In their eyes, they’re above criticism and entitled to privileges that other people could never claim. Holding this belief fuels their sense of entitlement and blinds them to how unfair their actions are to those around them.
3. Confusion keeps them in charge.
Narcissists know that keeping people guessing makes it harder for them to push back. When the rules change at random, you’re too busy scrambling to keep up to challenge them directly. This strategy ensures that everyone remains distracted and compliant, while they effortlessly stay in control.
4. They dodge vulnerability at all costs.
By holding everyone else to stricter standards, narcissists avoid situations where they might look weak or imperfect. They use this tactic to shield themselves from scrutiny, making it harder for anyone to see past the surface. Vulnerability feels like a threat, so they do everything they can to sidestep it.
5. Their public image is priority number one.
For narcissists, it’s all about how they’re perceived, not what’s actually fair. They’ll enforce rules when it makes them look good and ignore them when it could damage their reputation. Their obsession with appearances means they’ll sacrifice fairness every time if it benefits their ego.
6. Empathy isn’t their strong suit.
Narcissists rarely pause to think about how their double standards affect other people. Their focus is always on their own desires and feelings, leaving little room for compassion. To them, the impact on you doesn’t matter as long as they’re getting what they want.
7. They’re masters of revisionist history.
When confronted about their double standards, narcissists have a remarkable ability to rewrite the narrative. They’ll twist facts, shift blame, or flat-out deny what happened. Their rewriting of events allows them to escape accountability and turn the tables on you.
8. Loyalty is a one-way street.
They expect loyalty to flow toward them, often without earning it in return. Perpetuating this level of imbalance allows them to demand more from you while giving little back. Their version of loyalty is transactional, and they’ll abandon it the moment it stops serving their interests.
9. Guilt is their go-to tool.
One of their favourite tactics is making you feel guilty for not meeting their impossible standards. Narcissists weaponise guilt to keep you in line and to justify their unreasonable demands. This keeps the focus on your “failures” and away from their own behaviour.
10. They love being the centre of the universe.
Double standards are a way for narcissists to cement their position as the most important person in any situation. By creating rules that elevate them above everyone else, they reinforce their belief that they’re inherently superior. It’s a mindset that drives their need to dominate every interaction.
11. Consistency would ruin the fun.
Narcissists avoid sticking to one set of rules because it limits their ability to manipulate situations. Double standards allow them to shift expectations to suit their immediate needs. Without consistency, they remain unpredictable, which gives them an edge over everyone else.
12. They equate control with respect.
For a narcissist, being in control is the ultimate sign of respect, even if it’s forced. They see domination as proof of their authority, not as something harmful or manipulative. Having such a warped perspective keeps them justifying their unfair behaviour without second thoughts.
13. They deflect like it’s an Olympic sport.
Narcissists use double standards to shift attention away from their own flaws. When you call them out, they’ll point fingers at your shortcomings or create new accusations to throw you off balance. Deflecting ensures they never have to face their own mistakes.
14. Rules are flexible…for them.
They enforce rules selectively, using them only when it benefits their agenda. Narcissists have no problem bending or breaking rules to avoid accountability. Their so-called flexibility is one of the key ways they keep themselves on top while other people play by the book.
15. Self-awareness isn’t part of the package.
Narcissists often lack the insight to recognise how hypocritical their behaviour is. Even when it’s obvious to everyone else, they remain oblivious—or pretend to be. Their lack of awareness keeps the cycle of double standards alive and well.
