Confidence is the secret sauce that can make or break your success in life, love, and everything in between.
But here’s the thing: a lot of men strut around faking bravado while secretly feeling like imposters. True confidence isn’t about puffing out your chest or putting on a macho front — it’s about deeply trusting and respecting yourself. If you’re not sure where you stand on the self-assurance scale, watch out for these 15 habits that scream, “I don’t believe in myself.”
1. Constantly seeking validation and approval from other people
Confident men don’t need a Greek chorus of cheerleaders to feel good about themselves. They have an internal sense of self-worth that doesn’t hinge on external pats on the back. If you’re always fishing for compliments, deferring to other people’s opinions, or checking to see if people “like” your latest selfie, you’re giving away your power. Needing a constant drip-feed of validation is a sign that your self-image is shaky. Learn to be your own hype man instead of relying on everyone else.
2. Being a chronic people-pleaser and avoiding conflict
There’s a difference between being considerate and being a doormat. Confident men aren’t afraid to ruffle a few feathers by standing up for themselves and speaking their truth. If you find yourself constantly biting your tongue, swallowing your needs, and contorting yourself to avoid rocking the boat, you’re selling yourself short. People-pleasing is rooted in a fear of rejection and a belief that you have to earn love by being agreeable. Newsflash: you’re allowed to have boundaries and deal-breakers. Grow a spine and use it.
3. Putting yourself down with self-deprecating jokes or negative self-talk
A little self-effacing humour can be charming, but if you’re constantly making yourself the butt of every joke, you’re revealing some deep insecurities. Confident men don’t need to tear themselves down to get a laugh or make people feel comfortable. They know their worth isn’t defined by their flaws or failures. If your inner monologue sounds like a roast battle where you’re the only target, it’s time to fire your internal bully and hire a kinder mental narrator. Treat yourself with the same respect you’d show a good friend.
4. Being indecisive and deferring to other people’s preferences
Source: Unsplash Confident men know what they want and aren’t afraid to go after it. If you find yourself hemming and hawing over every little decision, from what to order for lunch to which job offer to take, you’re sending a message that you don’t trust your own judgment. Constantly deferring to other people’s preferences, whether it’s letting your date pick the film or your friends choose your haircut, suggests that you don’t believe your own opinions matter. Learn to make choices based on your authentic desires, not just what you think will make people happy.
5. Apologising excessively, even for things that aren’t your fault
Source: Unsplash There’s a time and a place for a sincere “I’m sorry,” but confident men don’t go around grovelling for forgiveness like Catholic schoolboys in a confessional. If you find yourself reflexively apologising for everything, from voicing an opinion to taking up space on the subway, you’re revealing a deep sense of guilt and unworthiness. Constantly saying “sorry” is a way of minimising yourself and putting other people’s comfort ahead of your own. Save the apologies for when you’ve actually done something wrong, not as a way to shrink yourself.
6. Avoiding eye contact and having closed-off body language
Source: Unsplash Confident men engage with the world head-on. They make eye contact, stand tall, and take up space. If you find yourself constantly looking down, crossing your arms, or trying to make yourself small, you’re broadcasting insecurity. Closed-off body language suggests that you’re trying to hide or protect yourself, like you’re bracing for rejection or criticism. Practice opening up physically — uncross those arms, look people in the eye, and let yourself be seen. It’s a vulnerable but powerful way to claim your place in the world.
7. Being a chameleon and changing yourself to fit in with different crowds
Source: Unsplash Confident men know who they are and don’t feel the need to shape-shift to please everyone. If you find yourself constantly changing your personality, interests, or even your accent depending on who you’re with, you’re revealing a shaky sense of self. It’s one thing to be adaptable, but if you’re an entirely different person around your college buddies, your co-workers, and your girlfriend, you’re not being true to yourself. Confidence means showing up authentically, even if it means sometimes standing out from the crowd.
8. Struggling to accept compliments graciously
Source: Unsplash Confident men can receive praise without getting flustered or feeling the need to deflect it. If someone pays you a compliment and your knee-jerk response is to argue, make a self-deprecating joke, or immediately compliment them back, you’re revealing some deep discomfort with being seen and appreciated. Practice simply saying “thank you” and letting the kind words land. You don’t have to qualify or minimise your achievements. Learn to accept kudos with grace and trust that you deserve the recognition.
9. Being a perfectionist and setting impossibly high standards for yourself
Source: Unsplash Confident men strive for excellence but don’t tie their self-worth to flawless performance. If you’re constantly beating yourself up for tiny mistakes, procrastinating because you’re paralysed by the need to do things perfectly, or feeling like nothing you do is ever good enough, you’re setting yourself up for perpetual disappointment. Perfectionism is often rooted in a fear of failure and a belief that you have to earn your place in the world. Embrace the idea that you’re worthy, even when you’re a work in progress.
10. Comparing yourself to other people (in a bad way) and feeling jealous of their success
Confident men can celebrate other people’s wins without seeing them as a threat. If you find yourself constantly measuring yourself against everyone else and coming up short, you’re trapped in a scarcity mindset. Scrolling through social media and feeling a twinge of jealousy at your buddy’s promotion or your ex’s new relationship is a sign that you don’t feel like you’re enough. Remember that another person’s success doesn’t diminish your own. Focus on running your own race instead of obsessing over what everyone else is doing.
11. Trying to control everything and struggling to go with the flow
Confident men know they can handle whatever curveballs life throws their way. If you find yourself trying to micromanage every little detail and freaking out when things don’t go according to plan, you’re revealing a deep mistrust in your ability to adapt. Needing to control everything is often a way of trying to avoid the discomfort of uncertainty. But true confidence means being able to roll with the punches and trust that you’ll figure it out as you go. Embrace the adventure of not always knowing what’s next.
12. Being a know-it-all and having trouble admitting when you’re wrong
Confident men are secure enough to say “I don’t know” or “I made a mistake.” If you find yourself constantly needing to be the expert, arguing your point even when you’re clearly off-base, or getting defensive when someone corrects you, you’re revealing a fragile ego. Confident people don’t see being wrong as a threat to their intelligence or competence. They’re open to learning from other people and evolving their views. Drop the need to always be right and embrace the growth that comes from being wrong.
13. Seeking constant reassurance in relationships
Source: Unsplash Confident men trust that they’re lovable and worthy of healthy relationships. If you find yourself constantly seeking reassurance from your partner, trying to “check in” on where you stand, or fishing for confirmations of their feelings, you’re revealing a shaky sense of your own desirability. Confident people don’t need perpetual proof that they’re good enough to be loved. They trust that they bring value to the relationship and that their partner chooses to be with them. Work on building self-love instead of trying to extract it from someone else.
14. Having a chip on your shoulder and feeling like you have something to prove
Source: Unsplash Confident men don’t walk around with a point to make or an axe to grind. If you find yourself constantly trying to one-up everyone, prove your haters wrong, or show off your status, you’re revealing some deep-seated insecurities. Confident people don’t need external wins to feel good about themselves. They’re not driven by a need for revenge or validation. Let go of the need to prove yourself to anyone apart from the man in the mirror. That’s the only approval that really matters.
15. Blaming other people for your failures or shortcomings instead of taking responsibility
Source: Unsplash Confident men own their choices and their outcomes. If you find yourself constantly pointing fingers, making excuses, or playing the victim when things don’t go your way, you’re revealing a lack of accountability. Blaming other people is a way of avoiding the discomfort of admitting your own role in your struggles. But true confidence means being able to say “I messed up” or “I didn’t prepare enough” without seeing it as an indictment of your character. Embrace responsibility as an opportunity to learn and grow.
