Even the friendliest people have bad days when they just can’t deal with anyone.
That’s fair enough, but if your everyday behaviour constantly sends the message that you’re unapproachable and unfriendly, you need to reconsider if that’s how you want things to be. Here are some small habits you have that make people think you’re mean, even if you don’t realise it (or mean it that way).
1. You dismiss people’s feelings.
When someone shares their worries, anxieties, or frustrations, do you tend to brush them off with a dismissive “It’s not a big deal” or “You’re overreacting”? While you might mean well, invalidating someone’s emotions can make them feel unheard and unimportant. Instead, try to offer empathy and understanding, even if you don’t fully grasp the situation. A simple “I can see why you’re upset” or “That sounds really tough” can go a long way in showing you care.
2. You interrupt people mid-sentence.
We’ve all been guilty of this at some point, but if it’s a recurring pattern, it can signal a lack of respect for other people’s thoughts and opinions. It can feel like you’re more interested in hearing yourself talk than engaging in a genuine conversation. Next time you catch yourself interrupting, take a breath and let the other person finish their thought. Active listening goes a long way in building rapport and showing that you value what other people have to say.
3. You’re always late.
Chronic lateness can be incredibly frustrating for those who are left waiting. It sends the message that your time is more valuable than theirs and that you don’t respect their schedule. While occasional delays are understandable, consistently showing up late can damage your relationships and make you seem unreliable. If punctuality isn’t your strong suit, try setting alarms, planning your time more effectively, or simply being honest about potential delays.
4. You offer backhanded compliments.
A backhanded compliment might seem like a clever way to express a critique, but it often comes across as passive-aggressive and hurtful. Phrases like “You look great for your age” or “That’s a brave outfit choice” can leave a sour taste in someone’s mouth. If you want to offer constructive feedback, try to frame it in a positive and supportive way. Focus on the strengths rather than highlighting perceived flaws.
5. You make ‘jokes’ at other people’s expense.
Everyone loves to laugh, but when your jokes consistently target a specific person or group, it crosses the line into bullying. What might seem like harmless teasing to you can be hurtful and damaging to the person on the receiving end. If you notice that your humour tends to be at the expense of anyone else, try to shift your focus to more appealing jokes that don’t rely on putting anyone down.
6. You dominate conversations.
While sharing your thoughts and experiences is important, hogging the spotlight in every conversation can make you seem self-centred. If you find yourself talking more than listening, make a conscious effort to ask questions, be more interested in other people’s lives, and give them space to share their perspectives. Remember, conversations are a two-way street, and active listening is just as important as sharing your own thoughts.
7. You rarely offer help or support.
If you tend to sit back and watch while people struggle, it can make you seem uncaring and indifferent. While you might not be able to solve everyone’s problems, offering a listening ear, a helping hand, or simply a few words of encouragement can go a long way in showing you care. Even small gestures of support can strengthen your relationships and make you a more valued friend, colleague, or family member.
8. You’re quick to judge.
Jumping to conclusions about people based on their appearance, choices, or background can make you seem narrow-minded and prejudiced. Everyone has a unique story, and making snap judgments without taking the time to understand someone can be hurtful and alienating. Try to approach people and situations with an open mind, ask questions, and challenge your own assumptions. You might be surprised by what you learn and discover common ground where you least expect it.
9. You fail to apologise when you’re wrong.
Everyone makes mistakes, but refusing to acknowledge your errors can make you seem arrogant and stubborn. When you mess up, own up to it. A sincere apology can go a long way in mending fences and showing that you’re capable of self-reflection and growth. Don’t make excuses or shift blame – simply acknowledge your wrongdoing and express your remorse. It takes courage to admit when you’re wrong, but it’s a sign of maturity and integrity.
10. You talk more about other people behind their backs than you do about anything else.
Gossiping about people behind their backs might seem harmless, but it can have a devastating impact on their reputations and relationships. Spreading rumours or negative information can create a toxic environment and make you seem untrustworthy. If you have concerns about someone’s behaviour, address it directly with them instead of resorting to gossip. Focus on building people up rather than tearing them down.
11. You ignore people’s attempts to connect.
Whether it’s a missed call, an unanswered text, or simply not acknowledging someone’s presence, ignoring people’s attempts to connect can make you seem cold and aloof. Even if you’re busy or not in the mood to socialise, a simple acknowledgement or brief response can go a long way in showing that you value their presence in your life. Don’t leave people hanging – make an effort to respond promptly and show that you care about their attempts to connect with you.
12. You take things personally.
Source: Unsplash If you tend to interpret every comment or action as a personal attack, it can create tension and conflict in your relationships. Not everything is about you, and sometimes people say or do things without any malicious intent. Try to take a step back and assess situations objectively. Don’t jump to conclusions or assume the worst. If you’re unsure of someone’s intentions, ask them directly rather than letting your assumptions fester.
13. You give unsolicited advice.
While you might have the best intentions, offering advice that hasn’t been asked for can come across as patronising and condescending. It can make people feel like you don’t trust their judgment or think they’re incapable of solving their own problems. Before offering your two cents, ask if the person actually wants your advice. If they decline, respect their decision and offer your support instead.
14. You’re always negative and complaining.
Constantly focusing on the negative aspects of life can drain the energy of those around you. If you’re always complaining, criticising, or dwelling on problems, it can create a toxic atmosphere and push people away. While it’s important to acknowledge challenges, try to balance your negativity with gratitude and positivity. Focus on solutions rather than problems, and try to find joy in the little things. A positive outlook can be contagious and make you a more enjoyable person to be around.
15. You lack empathy and compassion.
If you struggle to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and understand their perspective, it can make you seem cold and insensitive. Without empathy, you’ll never form any deep, meaningful, or lasting relationships. Try to be more mindful of how your words and actions affect other people. Listen attentively, validate their feelings, and offer support when they need it. Cultivating empathy can make you a more compassionate and understanding person.
