Being a good friend, partner, or family member isn’t always easy.
Sometimes we all fall into habits and behaviours that make us a bit of a challenge to be around. The good thing is that the sooner you recognise it, the sooner you can start to change it. Here are some signs you’re becoming toxic.
1. You struggle to apologise or admit when you’re wrong.
Everyone makes mistakes, but toxic people will never own up to it. If you always maintain the stance that you’re perfect and do nothing wrong, and that everything is everyone else’s fault, you lack accountability and need to reassess your behaviour.
2. You belittle or invalidate people’s feelings.
Just because you don’t understand or agree with someone’s emotions doesn’t make them invalid or wrong. If you refuse to acknowledge people’s right to feel however they feel, you’re being toxic and, frankly, pretty rude.
3. You resort to passive-aggressive behaviour instead of being direct.
Instead of addressing any problems head on, you resort to backhanded compliments, sarcastic comments, and even the silent treatment. Not only is this incredibly immature, but it’s also toxic. How on earth can you ever truly resolve a problem and move on if you refuse to deal with it directly?
4. You constantly compare yourself to other people and feel jealous.
Toxic people often feel jealous and inadequate. Instead of realising that there’s enough room for everyone to succeed in life, you look at how your life stacks up to everyone else’s and feel like you’re falling hideously behind. If you hate on people simply because they’re “ahead” of you in life, you have a very bad attitude, and you’re looking at things all wrong.
5. You hold grudges and refuse to forgive.
While there’s no excuse for bad behaviour, and you should always set boundaries, there’s a difference between major grievances and small mistakes that are really no big deal in the grand scheme of things. If you refuse to forgive people who are clearly contrite and have apologised at length, it looks like you’re the toxic one.
6. You manipulate or guilt-trip people to get what you want.
The Rolling Stones said it best — you can’t always get what you want. If you’re mature (and not toxic), you’ll accept that and move on. However, if you resort to manipulation and even lies to get your own way, you need to reassess your own behaviour as soon as possible.
7. You drain everyone’s energy with your drama and negativity.
Toxic people seem to be magnets for drama and negativity, and it’s exhausting for everyone around them. If you always seem to have a problem or see the bad side in everything, no matter the situation, you’re bringing down the vibe and making everyone as unhappy as you clearly are.
8. You take more than you give in relationships.
Your needs and desires matter, of course, but so do other people’s. If you’re always out for what you can get in relationships and never focused on what you can give back, you’re extremely toxic. If you keep this up, don’t be surprised if you end up alone.
9. You can never maintain healthy boundaries.
Toxic people often struggle with setting and respecting boundaries. Maybe you’re the king or queen of TMI, you invade people’s privacy, or you expect other people to be available to you at all times. As a result, your relationships end up chock-full of codependency, resentment, and emotional exhaustion.
10. You spread unfounded rumours about people and talk about them behind their backs.
You left school many years ago, but you still talk about people like you’re back in Year 7. Whether it’s sharing people’s personal business, spreading rumours about those you don’t like, or even saying rude things about people behind their back, this is toxic behaviour across the board.
11. You blame everyone else for your problems and refuse to take responsibility.
Toxic people often avoid taking responsibility for their own actions and blame anyone and everyone else for their problems. You might blame your parents, your partner, your friends, or even society for the bad things in your life. This isn’t the truth, however — it’s a refusal to take ownership of your life, and it’ll only keep you from learning and growing in the long run.
12. You tend to be controlling and possessive in relationships.
You want to be the one in the driver’s seat in every relationship you have. You try to dictate who your friends or partners can spend time with, what they wear, or what they can do. It’s suffocating and can destroy relationships in no time.
13. You lack empathy and don’t even try to understand other people’s perspectives.
Toxic people can never put themselves in anyone else’s shoes (and they don’t even try). If you couldn’t care less how anyone else feels, or if their suffering doesn’t affect you in any way, your lack of empathy is showing — and it’s going to come back to bite you.
14. You’re extremely critical and judgmental.
Maybe you’re always pointing out people’s flaws, or criticising the things they do wrong (while conveniently ignoring your own missteps). This toxic behaviour serves to make everyone else feel bad while elevating you as someone who’s better than them — and that’s just not true.
15. You refuse to listen to feedback, and you’re not interested in changing.
Toxic people often have a hard time accepting feedback, even when it’s constructive. If you get defensive, argue, or ignore people when they give you well-intentioned, constructive feedback, you’re being toxic. Everyone has room to grow, even you.
