First of all, crushes aren’t just for teenagers — they can happen at any stage of life!
You could be in your 40s or 50s and still find yourself going gaga over someone you just met, and that’s an exciting feeling. However, before you decide whether or not to make a move (assuming they’re available), ask yourself these questions. You could end up saving yourself a lot of trouble.
1. Is this crush based on who they really are?
It’s easy to build up an idealised version of someone in your head, especially if you don’t know them well. Take a step back and consider if your feelings are based on the real person or just the image you’ve created. Are you focusing on their actual qualities or projecting what you want to see?
2. How well do I actually know this person?
Sometimes we develop crushes on people we barely know. Be honest with yourself about how much you really know about this person. Have you had meaningful conversations? Do you know their values, interests, and goals? Or are you filling in the blanks with assumptions?
3. What specific qualities am I attracted to?
Try to pinpoint what exactly draws you to this person. Is it their sense of humour, intelligence, kindness, or something else? Understanding what you find attractive can help you learn more about yourself and what you value in potential partners.
4. Am I ready for a relationship right now?
Even if this person reciprocates your feelings, it’s important to consider if you’re in a good place for a relationship. Think about your current life situation, emotional state, and personal goals. Are you ready to invest time and energy into building a connection with someone?
5. How do they treat other people?
Pay attention to how they interact with friends, family, and strangers. Are they kind and respectful to everyone, or just to people they want to impress? Their behaviour towards other people can give you valuable insights into their character.
6. Do we have compatible values and goals?
While opposites can attract, shared values and life goals are crucial for long-term compatibility. Consider if this person’s beliefs, ambitions, and lifestyle align with yours. Are there any major differences that could cause conflicts down the line?
7. How do I feel about myself when I’m around them?
A healthy crush should make you feel good about yourself. Do you feel comfortable and valued in their presence, or are you constantly trying to impress them or changing who you are? Be wary of any relationship that makes you feel less than your authentic self.
8. Am I ignoring any red flags?
When we’re infatuated, it’s tempting to overlook potential issues. Take a moment to reflect on any behaviour or traits that have given you pause. Trust your instincts — if something feels off, it probably is. Don’t let your feelings cloud your judgement.
9. How would dating this person impact my other relationships?
Consider how pursuing a relationship with this person might affect your friendships, family dynamics, or work relationships. Would it cause any tension or conflicts? It’s important to maintain a balance and not neglect other important connections in your life.
10. What are my expectations for this potential relationship?
Be honest about what you’re hoping for. Are you looking for something casual or serious? Do you want commitment or just a fling? Make sure your expectations are realistic and consider if they align with what the other person might be looking for.
11. Am I romanticising the idea of being in a relationship?
Sometimes we develop crushes because we’re more in love with the idea of being in a relationship than with the actual person. Ask yourself if you’re genuinely interested in this specific individual or if you’re just craving companionship and affection in general.
12. How do I handle rejection if my feelings aren’t reciprocated?
It’s important to prepare yourself for the possibility that they might not feel the same way. Think about how you would cope with rejection. Would you be able to maintain a friendship? Or would you need space to move on? Having a plan can help you feel more confident in expressing your feelings.
13. What have I learned from my past crushes and relationships?
Reflect on your previous experiences with liking people and relationships. Are there any patterns or lessons you can apply to this situation? Think about what worked well and what didn’t in the past. Use these insights to make better decisions this time around.
14. Am I neglecting my own growth and interests because of my feelings for this person?
While it’s natural to think about the person you like often, make sure you’re not losing sight of your own life and goals. Are you still pursuing your hobbies, friendships, and personal development? A crush shouldn’t consume your entire world or stop you from living your life.
15. What steps can I take to get to know this person better?
If you’ve reflected on these questions and still feel they’re worth pursuing, think about how you can deepen your connection. Could you invite them to a group activity? Start a conversation about shared interests? Small, genuine interactions can help you build a stronger foundation and see if there’s potential for something more.
