We’ve all had someone give us feedback, and instead of taking it on board, we feel defensive and even indignant.
It’s totally normal to feel a little sensitive to criticism, but some reactions can be a dead giveaway that we’re struggling to handle it gracefully. If any of these sound familiar, you may need to work on your reactions to feedback.
1. You immediately get defensive and start arguing.
When someone offers feedback, do you find yourself immediately jumping to your own defence? You might start listing reasons why they’re wrong, bringing up past achievements, or even attacking their character. While it’s important to stand up for yourself, being overly defensive can shut down any productive conversation and make you seem unwilling to learn and grow.
2. You play the victim and make excuses for your behaviour.
Another common reaction is to play the victim and shift blame away from yourself. You might start talking about how difficult things have been for you, how unfair the situation is, or how other people have also made similar mistakes. While it’s understandable to want to explain your side of the story, playing the victim card can make you appear unwilling to take responsibility for your actions.
3. You shut down and refuse to engage in further conversation.
Sometimes, when faced with criticism, people simply shut down and withdraw from the conversation. They might stop talking, avoid eye contact, or even physically leave the room. While it’s okay to take a moment to process your emotions, shutting down completely can prevent you from learning from the feedback and addressing any underlying issues.
4. You deflect the criticism by turning it into a joke.
Humour can be a great way to defuse tension, but using it to deflect criticism can be counterproductive. Making light of the feedback might seem like a harmless way to avoid dealing with the issue, but it can also come across as dismissive and disrespectful. It’s important to acknowledge the feedback and take it seriously, even if you can find a way to laugh about it later.
5. You focus on the delivery of the criticism rather than the content.
If you find yourself fixating on how the feedback was delivered – whether it was too harsh, too blunt, or delivered at the wrong time – you might be missing the point. While it’s important for feedback to be delivered constructively, focusing on the delivery can distract you from the actual content of the criticism and prevent you from learning and growing.
6. You cry or get overly emotional.
While it’s perfectly normal to feel emotional in response to criticism, bursting into tears or becoming overly emotional can sometimes be a way of avoiding dealing with the feedback. It can also be a way of manipulating the situation or getting sympathy from people. If you find yourself getting overwhelmed with emotion, it’s important to take a step back, calm down, and then address the feedback in a more constructive way.
7. You become passive-aggressive or give the silent treatment.
Passive-aggressiveness is another common way of dealing with criticism. You might become sarcastic, give the silent treatment, or sabotage the person who gave you the feedback. This behaviour is not only unhelpful but can also damage relationships and create a toxic environment.
8. You immediately agree with everything just to end the conversation.
While it’s important to be open to feedback, agreeing with everything just to end the conversation is not a healthy way of dealing with criticism. It can make you seem like you’re not taking the feedback seriously or that you’re simply trying to appease the person who gave it to you. It’s important to take the time to process the feedback and decide whether or not you agree with it.
9. You bring up past criticism or mistakes to deflect from the current issue.
When facing criticism, some people try to deflect by bringing up past instances where they were criticised or made mistakes. They might say things like, “You always criticise me,” or “You never acknowledge my accomplishments.” While it’s important to address any patterns of unfair criticism, bringing up the past can derail the conversation and prevent you from focusing on the present issue.
10. You compare yourself to other people to minimise the significance of the feedback.
Sometimes, people try to downplay the importance of feedback by comparing themselves to someone else. They might say things like, “Well, at least I’m not as bad as so-and-so,” or “Everyone makes mistakes.” While it’s true that everyone has flaws, comparing yourself to other people doesn’t address the specific feedback you’ve been given or help you grow.
11. You internalise the criticism and let it affect your self-worth.
One of the most damaging reactions to criticism is to internalise it and let it define your self-worth. If you start believing that you’re incompetent, worthless, or unlovable because of someone’s feedback, it can be incredibly detrimental to your mental health. It’s important to remember that feedback is just one person’s opinion, and it doesn’t define your entire worth as a person.
12. You look for validation from other people to counteract the criticism.
After receiving criticism, some people might try to get reassurance from other people to feel better about themselves. They might fish for compliments, ask for validation, or try to prove the critic wrong by hoping other people will praise them. While it’s natural to want support, relying on external validation can be a sign that you’re not confident in your own abilities.
13. You retaliate by criticising the person who gave you the feedback.
Instead of addressing the feedback itself, some people might lash out at the person who gave it. They might criticise their appearance, their personality, or their work. This tit-for-tat approach is not only unproductive but can also damage relationships and escalate conflict.
14. You avoid the person who gave you the feedback altogether.
Some people might try to avoid the person who gave them feedback altogether. They might stop talking to them, unfollow them on social media, or even actively avoid places where they might run into them. While it’s okay to take some space if you need it, avoiding the person completely can prevent you from having a productive conversation and resolving the issue.
15. You dwell on the criticism and let it consume your thoughts.
Source: Unsplash It’s natural to think about feedback, especially if it’s negative. However, dwelling on it excessively can be harmful to your mental health. If you find yourself obsessing over the criticism, replaying the conversation in your head, or losing sleep over it, it might be a sign that you need to find healthier ways to cope with feedback.
