Raising kids is no walk in the park, but when those little ones become full-blown adults, things don’t get any easier.
In fact, for many parents, the challenges just take a different form. It’s a whole new ball game when your “babies” become full-fledged adults. Suddenly, you’re dealing with relationship drama, career choices, and major life decisions that can have lasting consequences. You’re still their parent, but the rules of engagement have changed. So, if you’re feeling like parenting adult children is more challenging than the toddler years, you’re not alone. Here are some reasons why.
1. You have less control over their lives.
Remember when you could just tell your child what to do, and they’d (mostly) obey? Those days are long gone. Your adult children are independent individuals with their own thoughts, feelings, and choices. You can give them advice and guidance, but ultimately, they have the final say in how they live their lives. Letting go of control can be difficult for parents, but if you want to have a healthy relationship with your adult children, it’s a must.
2. Their problems are more complicated and harder to solve.
Tantrums and scraped knees have been replaced with relationship drama, career struggles, and financial worries. These adult problems can be much more complex and harder to solve, leaving you feeling helpless and frustrated. It’s tough to watch your child struggle, but sometimes the best thing you can do is be supportive and encouraging while they figure things out on their own.
3. There’s a delicate balance between offering help and respecting their independence.
You want to be there for your child, but you also don’t want to be overbearing or stifle their independence. It can be a tricky balance to strike, especially when they’re really struggling and you can’t bear to see it. It’s important to communicate openly and honestly with your child and be supportive, but also respect their autonomy and let them make their own decisions.
4. You worry about their choices and decisions.
As your children get older, their choices and decisions can have more serious consequences. You might worry about their career paths, their relationships, or their financial decisions. It’s natural to want the best for them, but it’s important to trust their judgment and let them learn from their own mistakes. If they ask for your advice, give it to them, but try not to be overly critical or judgmental.
5. Your relationship dynamic shifts and evolves.
The parent-child relationship undergoes significant changes as your children become adults. You’re no longer their primary caregiver or authority figure. You’re transitioning into a more supportive and advisory role. This shift can be challenging for both parents and children, as you navigate new boundaries and expectations. It’s important to communicate openly and embrace the changing dynamics of your relationship.
6. You might feel a sense of loss or nostalgia.
As your children grow up and move out, you might experience a sense of loss or nostalgia for the days when they were young and dependent on you. It’s natural to miss those early years, but it’s important to celebrate their growth and independence. Embrace the new chapter in your relationship and find ways to connect and create new memories together.
7. You might face disagreements or conflicts over values or lifestyles.
As adults, your children might develop different values, beliefs, or lifestyles than you. This can lead to disagreements and conflicts, especially if you have strong opinions or expectations about how they should live their lives. It’s important to respect their individuality and choices, even if you don’t always agree with them. Focus on finding common ground and building a relationship based on mutual respect and understanding.
8. You might feel like you’re being pulled in different directions.
Source: Unsplash As your children start their own families, you might find yourself juggling multiple roles and responsibilities. You’re still their parent, but you might also be a grandparent, a caregiver for ageing parents, or simply trying to maintain your own independence. It’s important to set boundaries and make sure your own needs are met while still being there for your children and grandchildren.
9. You have difficulty letting go of your role as a caregiver.
It can be hard to transition from being a full-time caretaker to a supportive presence in your adult child’s life. You might still feel the need to cook, clean, or do their laundry, even though they’re perfectly capable of taking care of themselves. It’s important to respect their independence and allow them to learn and grow through their own experiences, even if it means making mistakes along the way.
10. You offer unsolicited advice (even when they don’t ask for it).
We all want to share our wisdom and experience with our children, but bombarding them with unsolicited advice can be overwhelming and frustrating. Let them come to you for guidance when they need it, rather than assuming they need your input on every decision. Trust that they are capable of making their own choices, even if those choices differ from your own.
11. You expect them to follow in your footsteps or fulfil your unfulfilled dreams.
Your adult children are not an extension of you, and they have the right to pursue their own paths and passions. Don’t pressure them to follow a career path you chose for them or to live a life that fulfils your unfulfilled dreams. Support their choices, even if they differ from your own, and celebrate their individuality.
12. You struggle to set boundaries and respect their privacy.
While you might be used to having access to every aspect of your child’s life, it’s important to respect their privacy as adults. Don’t snoop through their belongings, read their texts or emails, or pry into their personal relationships. Trust them to share information with you on their own terms, and respect their boundaries when they ask for space.
13. You use guilt or manipulation to get what you want.
Guilt-tripping, playing the victim, or using emotional manipulation to get your adult children to do what you want is never a healthy approach. It can damage their trust in you and create resentment. Instead, communicate your needs and concerns openly and honestly, and work together to find solutions that benefit everyone.
14. You refuse to accept their partner or spouse.
If you disapprove of your child’s partner, it can create tension and conflict within the family. While it’s important to voice your concerns if you have genuine safety or well-being issues, constantly criticising or undermining their relationship can damage your bond with your child. Try to be open-minded, get to know their partner, and find common ground. Remember, your child is an adult and is capable of choosing their own partner.
15. You’re overly critical of their parenting style.
If you have grandchildren, it’s important to remember that your child is now the parent, not you. While you can offer support and guidance, avoid being overly critical or judgmental of their parenting choices. Trust that they want what’s best for their children and respect their decisions, even if they differ from your own. Offer help and advice when asked, but avoid unsolicited opinions or comparisons to your own parenting style.
