15 Reasons People Put You Down (And How To Deal With Them)

Some people just love to rain on your parade with a snarky comment or a backhanded compliment, and it’s demoralizing (not to mention infuriating). It can leave you feeling insecure and doubting yourself, but before you let their negativity get to you, let’s figure out why they’re doing it and how to deal with them.

1. They’re insecure and projecting their own shortcomings onto you.

Sometimes, people put you down to feel better about themselves. It’s like a twisted game of comparison, where they try to elevate themselves by making you smaller. Maybe they target your appearance, your intelligence, your success, or anything else they perceive as a weakness. It’s not about you, though; it’s about their own insecurities. They might be feeling inadequate or threatened by you, and putting you down is their way of trying to regain a sense of control or superiority. Try not to take it personally.

2. They’re jealous of your achievements or qualities.

When someone sees you shining bright, they may feel a bit of jealousy or resentment. Instead of being happy for you or admiring your positive qualities, they might try to tear you down by belittling your accomplishments or highlighting your flaws. They probably won’t do it directly — it’ll usually happen in the form of unfunny “jokes” or backhanded compliments — but the underlying message is clear: they wish they had what you have. Don’t let their jealousy get to you. Keep doing your thing and you’ll be just fine.

3. They’re trying to control or manipulate you.

Some people use put-downs as a way to exert control or manipulate people. They criticise your choices, your opinions, or your behaviour to make you doubt yourself and conform to their expectations. Sometimes they even use guilt, shame, or fear to keep you in line. To state the obvious, this is incredibly toxic and can do a number on your self-esteem. Don’t let them control you. Stand up for yourself, assert your boundaries, and refuse to be manipulated.

4. They have a pessimistic or negative outlook on life.

Some people are just naturally downers. They see the world through a dark lens and project their negativity onto the people around them. They tend to have a problem with everything you do, complain about everything that goes wrong, and generally find fault with everything you say. This negativity can be draining and demoralizing, but it’s important to remember that it’s not your problem. You don’t have to absorb their negativity or let it affect your mood. Surround yourself with positive and supportive people who encourage rather than discourage you.

5. They’re trying to get a reaction out of you.

Some people thrive on drama and conflict, so they say or do things that are intentionally provocative or hurtful, just to get a rise out of you. They enjoy seeing you get upset, angry, or defensive, but this is often a sign of insecurity and a lack of emotional maturity. Don’t give them the satisfaction of a reaction. Stay calm, composed, and refuse to engage in their drama. Remember, you have the power to control your own emotions and reactions.

6. They lack empathy or compassion.

They don’t understand or care about how their words and actions impact the people around them. They say hurtful things without realising (or caring about) the impact of their words, and this lack of empathy can be frustrating and hurtful. However, it’s important to remember that it’s not your fault. You can’t change someone like this, but you can choose to distance yourself from them and surround yourself with people who value kindness and compassion.

7. They’re trying to protect their own ego.

Maybe they feel threatened by your success, your confidence, or your popularity, so they try to undermine your achievements or belittle you to make themselves feel better. It’s clear they have some deep-seated insecurity and a lack of self-worth, but don’t let their ego-driven behaviour affect your own self-esteem. Remember, your worth is not determined by anyone else’s opinion of you.

8. They have unresolved personal issues or traumas.

They might be dealing with depression, anxiety, anger, or other emotional struggles that they don’t know how to cope with, and their put-downs might be a way of lashing out or seeking attention. While it’s important to be compassionate towards those who are struggling, it’s also important to protect yourself from their negativity. Don’t take their behaviour personally, and don’t try to be their therapist. Encourage them to seek professional help if they need it, but don’t let them drag you down with them.

9. They’re trying to make themselves feel superior.

They likely believe that by highlighting your flaws or mistakes, they elevate themselves in comparison. They need endless amounts of external validation, and part of them feels like they can only get it if they have no competition. They probably feel threatened by your confidence or accomplishments and try to compensate by diminishing your worth. However, talking down to people doesn’t make anyone superior. It’s a sign of weakness and a lack of self-worth, so ignore them and keep moving forward.

10. They’re trying to bring you down to their level.

Misery loves company, right? Some people who are unhappy or unfulfilled might try to pull you down to the the depths where they reside. They criticise your dreams, discourage your ambitions, and generally try to make you feel as miserable as they are. This behaviour is toxic and can be incredibly draining. Don’t let them steal your joy or extinguish your spark. Surround yourself with positive and supportive people who lift you up and encourage you to be your best self.

11. They’re trying to deflect attention from their own problems.

Maybe they have some serious challenges happening in their lives right now, are feeling insecure, or struggling with their own demons. Instead of addressing their own issues, they project their negativity onto you. This behaviour is a defence mechanism, and a way to avoid facing their own pain. It’s important to be compassionate towards those who are struggling, but don’t let them use you as a scapegoat for their problems. This doesn’t excuse treating other people badly.

12. They’re trying to test your boundaries.

It’s possible they’re talking down to you to see how far they can push you. They want to know if you’ll stand up for yourself or if you’ll let them walk all over you. This is a manipulative tactic that can be used to establish dominance or control in a relationship. If someone is constantly testing your boundaries, it’s important to set clear limits and communicate your expectations. Don’t be afraid to say no or walk away from a situation that feels uncomfortable or disrespectful.

13. They’re simply mean-spirited or enjoy hurting people.

Unfortunately, some people are just plain mean. They get pleasure from putting people down and making them feel bad about themselves. In reality, this is down to their own deep-seated anger, resentment, or a lack of empathy. It’s important to recognise that this is not your fault and that you don’t deserve to be treated this way. Don’t engage with these people or try to reason with them. The best way to deal with them is to distance yourself from their negativity and surround yourself with people who lift you up and make you feel good about yourself.

14. They’re trying to assert their dominance or authority.

This is often seen in workplaces, schools, or other hierarchical settings. They criticise your work, undermine your confidence, or belittle your ideas to make themselves feel more powerful. However, this is toxic and can create a hostile and unproductive environment. If you’re dealing with this, it’s important to stand up for yourself and report it to a supervisor or authority figure. Don’t let anyone bully you or make you feel inferior.

15. They’re simply ignorant or uninformed.

Maybe they put you down out of ignorance or a lack of information. They may be making assumptions about you based on stereotypes, prejudices, or their own limited understanding of the world, but that’s not okay. This behaviour is often unintentional, but it can still be hurtful and offensive. If you’re dealing with this, try to educate the person and share your perspective. If they’re open to learning, you might be able to change their mind and prevent them from repeating their hurtful behaviour.