If you’ve ever known someone who’s in a miserable relationship but refuses to leave, you know just how baffling that is.
We all know what a good relationship looks like, and when you’re not in one — or you’re in an actively toxic one — the only real option is to end it. However, so many people end up staying with someone who doesn’t treat them with the care, respect, courtesy, and love they deserve. The reasons for this depend on the person, but there are some common ones that often tie people in this situation together. If you’re in one of these relationships yourself, you’ll likely recognise yourself in some of these.
1. They think they don’t deserve better.
Low self-esteem can work wonders in convincing someone that this is the best they’ll ever have. When you don’t believe you’re worthy of love, you’re more likely to settle for scraps. The key is learning to silence that inner critic, surround yourself with people who see your worth, and remind yourself that love should feel like sunshine—not a storm cloud.
2. They hope their partner will change.
Ah, the “fixer-upper” mentality—where you believe that, with enough love and patience, you’ll uncover the partner of your dreams. While people can grow, clinging to hope when actions repeatedly show otherwise is draining. It’s helpful to focus on accepting people as they are today and asking yourself, “If nothing changes, am I okay with this?” If the answer’s no, that’s a nudge to reconsider.
3. They fear being alone.
Loneliness can feel like the biggest villain, making even a bad relationship seem better than none. But being alone doesn’t have to mean being lonely. Spending time on your own passions, strengthening friendships, and exploring hobbies can fill your life with joy that doesn’t hinge on a partner.
4. They think it’s “normal.”
If someone grows up surrounded by unhealthy relationships, they may see toxic behaviour as standard fare. Breaking this cycle starts with recognising that love doesn’t mean constant drama or disrespect. Reading about healthy relationships and looking for role models who demonstrate kindness and respect can help reframe what’s acceptable.
5. They’ve invested too much.
The time, effort, and emotional energy poured into a relationship can feel like a reason to stay—even when it’s making you miserable. But sticking with a mistake doesn’t turn it into a success. Focus instead on the idea that walking away isn’t “wasting” anything—it’s making room for something better.
6. They blame themselves.
Some partners are experts at making you believe that their bad behaviour is your fault. Over time, you start apologising for things you didn’t even do and believing you’re the problem. Recognising this manipulation is the first step, followed by setting boundaries and understanding that love shouldn’t come with constant blame or guilt.
7. They’re afraid of confrontation.
Leaving someone often means tough conversations, which can be terrifying. It’s easy to stay put to avoid the stress of arguments or emotional scenes. Practising what you’d like to say ahead of time, leaning on a friend for support, or even writing it down can make those confrontations feel more manageable.
8. They think it’s love.
Sometimes, people confuse intensity, passion, or attachment with genuine love. They hold onto the idea that their partner’s behaviour is a sign of “how much they care.” Reflecting on what healthy love looks like—respect, kindness, and partnership—can help distinguish it from toxic entanglement.
9. They’re financially dependent.
Money troubles can keep people locked in bad relationships, especially if leaving means facing financial instability. This is where creating a plan, such as saving little by little, exploring job opportunities, or reaching out to support systems, can help pave the way to independence.
10. They feel guilty.
Breaking someone’s heart can make you feel like the villain in your own story, even if they’re the one causing harm. But staying for guilt alone helps no one—it prolongs the pain for both parties. Remind yourself that everyone deserves a chance to heal and grow, even if it’s apart.
11. They’ve normalised bad behaviour.
Over time, being treated poorly can start to feel like just another part of life, rather than something to challenge. Recognising patterns of disrespect or neglect and naming them as such is a step toward change. Surrounding yourself with positive influences can also make you realise just how off-base your current relationship might be.
12. They’re holding onto the good times.
Nostalgia is a tricky thing. The good memories from earlier days can cloud judgment, making you believe that things could return to how they once were. While reflecting on the past is fine, it’s more helpful to look at the present and ask yourself, “Am I truly happy now?” If not, it’s time to let go.
13. They’ve convinced themselves things aren’t that bad.
Minimising problems—telling yourself that everyone argues or that no relationship is perfect—can keep you stuck in an unhealthy cycle. Writing down what bothers you, how often it happens, and how it makes you feel can be an eye-opener, helping you see the bigger picture.
14. They’re scared of starting over.
Beginning again can be daunting, especially if you’ve built a life around someone. But starting fresh is also an opportunity to create a life that truly makes you happy. Focusing on small, manageable steps and envisioning the kind of future you want can make the leap feel less intimidating.
15. They’ve been isolated.
Many toxic partners cut you off from family and friends, making it harder to leave. Reaching out, even in small ways—like texting an old friend or joining a supportive community—can rebuild those connections and remind you that you’re not as alone as you feel.
