Alone time can be a gift, a chance to recharge and reflect. But for some of us, being alone triggers a whole mess of icky feelings. It’s not just about wanting company; it’s deeper than that. If you’re nodding along, know that you’re not alone in this. There are plenty of reasons why solitude might not be your jam, and more importantly, there are ways to make peace with it.
1. Your mind turns into a worry monster.
The second you’re alone, your brain goes into overdrive. Every worry, every “what if,” every worst-case scenario comes crawling out of the woodwork. Suddenly, that pile of laundry turns into a symbol of your life falling apart.
How to Change: Challenge those worries. Write them down and ask yourself, “Is this really likely to happen? What’s the worst that could happen? Can I handle it?” Often, our worries are more about fear than reality.
2. Silence feels deafening.
It’s not the peace and quiet you crave; it’s more like a void that sucks the energy out of the room. The silence amplifies every creak, every tick of the clock, and makes you hyper-aware of your own heartbeat.
How to Change: Fill the silence with something comforting. Put on some music, a podcast, or an audiobook. Even the sound of your own breath can be calming if you focus on it.
3. You’re convinced you’re missing out on something.
Source: Unsplash While you’re home alone, everyone else is out there having the time of their lives. You scroll through social media, bombarded by images of parties, vacations, and friend gatherings, fuelling the fear that you’re the only one stuck in your pyjamas.
How to Change: Unplug from social media. Remember, people curate their online presence. What you see is rarely the full picture. Focus on what you’re doing, not what you think you’re missing.
4. You start questioning your self-worth.
Source: Unsplash Alone time can turn into a self-esteem spiral. You start wondering why you’re not out with friends, why no one’s calling or texting. It feels like a rejection, a sign that you’re not good enough for company.
How to Change: Remind yourself of your worth. Make a list of your accomplishments, strengths, and positive qualities. Spend time doing things that make you feel good about yourself.
5. Boredom hits you like a ton of bricks.
Source: Unsplash Even with all the streaming services and hobbies in the world, boredom can still creep in when you’re alone. It’s that restless feeling that makes you crave any kind of stimulation, even if it’s just mindless scrolling.
How to Change: Get creative with your alone time. Try a new hobby, read a book, start a DIY project, or simply go for a walk. Boredom often stems from a lack of engagement, so find something that sparks your interest.
6. You feel an overwhelming sense of emptiness.
Source: Unsplash It’s not just about being physically alone; it’s a feeling of emotional emptiness. Like something’s missing, a void that can’t be filled with just any company. It’s a longing for deeper connection.
How to Change: Explore your emotions. Journaling, therapy, or even talking to a trusted friend can help you understand the root of this emptiness and find healthier ways to fill it.
7. You crave validation from other people.
Source: Unsplash Being alone makes you question your own existence. You need the reassurance of other people to feel like you matter, like you’re seen and heard. Without it, you start to doubt your own value.
How to Change: Practice self-affirmation. Tell yourself positive things about yourself every day. Focus on your own achievements and goals, not on what anyone else thinks of you.
8. You’re haunted by past regrets and mistakes.
Source: Unsplash In the silence, memories you’d rather forget come rushing back. Regrets, mistakes, and past heartbreaks play on repeat in your mind, making it hard to enjoy the present moment.
How to Change: Practice mindfulness. Focus on the present moment, on your senses, on your breath. Meditation and mindfulness exercises can help you quiet the noise in your head and find peace in the here and now.
9. The idea of doing things alone is terrifying.
Source: Unsplash Whether it’s going to a restaurant, a film, or even just running errands, the thought of doing it solo fills you with dread. You feel self-conscious and exposed, like everyone’s judging you for being alone.
How to Change: Challenge your assumptions. Most people are too wrapped up in their own lives to notice or care if you’re alone. Start small, like grabbing a coffee solo, and gradually work your way up to bigger activities.
10. You compare your life to other people’s.
Alone time can trigger a comparison game. You see couples holding hands, friends laughing together, and families enjoying each other’s company. It makes your own solitude feel like a failure, like you’re missing out on the “normal” life.
How to Change: Focus on your own journey. Everyone’s life is different, and comparing yourself to other people is a recipe for unhappiness. Celebrate your own milestones and find joy in your unique experiences.
11. You’re afraid of what people might think.
Deep down, you worry that people will see you as a loner, someone who’s undesirable or incapable of forming relationships. This fear of judgment keeps you from fully embracing your own company.
How to Change: Remember that your worth isn’t defined by anyone else’s opinions. You’re allowed to enjoy your own company without feeling ashamed or embarrassed. Practice self-compassion and remind yourself that it’s okay to be alone sometimes.
12. You have unresolved trauma or emotional baggage.
Source: Unsplash Past experiences, such as neglect, abandonment, or bullying, can make being alone feel incredibly unsafe. Solitude might trigger flashbacks or bring up unresolved emotions, making it hard to enjoy your own company.
How to Change: Seek professional help. A therapist can help you process and heal from past trauma, providing you with the tools to feel safe and secure in your own company.
13. You lack self-awareness and self-acceptance.
If you don’t truly know and accept yourself, being alone can be confrontational. It forces you to face your own thoughts and feelings, which can be uncomfortable if you’re not used to introspection.
How to Change: Get to know yourself. Spend time reflecting on your values, interests, and desires. Try journaling, meditating, or taking personality tests to gain deeper insights into who you are.
14. You rely on external validation for happiness.
When your happiness depends on other people’s approval and attention, being alone can feel like a deprivation. You might crave external validation to feel good about yourself, making solitude a challenge.
How to Change: Cultivate self-love and self-acceptance. Learn to appreciate yourself for who you are, not just for what you do or what people think of you. Practice self-care and engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfilment.
15. You haven’t learned to enjoy your own company.
Source: Unsplash If you’ve always surrounded yourself with people, being alone might feel foreign and uncomfortable. You might not know how to entertain yourself or find fulfilment in solitude, making it seem like a punishment.
How to Change: Treat yourself like a friend. Do things you enjoy, pamper yourself, and explore your interests. Alone time can be an opportunity for self-discovery and personal growth, so embrace it as a chance to get to know yourself better.
