Narcissists have a very distinct texting style that can be a dead giveaway if you know what to look for.
Their messages are often laced with manipulation tactics designed to keep you off balance and doubting yourself. If you’re in contact with someone who exhibits a pattern of these red flag texts, you might be dealing with a narcissist. Keep your eyes peeled for these 15 textbook narcissist communications — they’re warning signs you shouldn’t ignore.
1. “If you really loved me, you would…”
This is a classic guilt trip designed to pressure you into doing something that crosses your boundaries. Narcissists will often try to frame their demands as tests of your love and loyalty. In reality, someone who truly cares for you will respect your right to say no. Don’t fall for this emotionally blackmailing language — your worth is not measured by your willingness to sacrifice your needs for their wants. A partner who weaponises your affection to control you isn’t in a healthy headspace.
2. “I’m sorry you got so upset over what I said.”
Notice how this non-apology subtly shifts the blame to your reaction, rather than taking responsibility for their hurtful words? Narcissists are masters at twisting language to avoid accountability. A genuine apology names the specific offence and conveys remorse without caveats. If their mea culpas always make you feel like you’re the problem for having feelings, you’re likely dealing with an emotional manipulator. Don’t let them gaslight you into believing you’re the one who needs to be more resilient.
3. “I guess I’m just too honest for some people.”
Narcissists love to hide behind the guise of “brutal honesty” to excuse their cruelty. They’ll frame their cutting remarks as unfiltered truth-telling and act like you’re too sensitive if you bristle. In reality, tact, and kindness are not incompatible with honesty. If their “candour” always leaves you feeling small and attacked, that’s a red flag. A caring partner can be direct without being harsh. Brutality is not a virtue, no matter how they try to spin it.
4. “I didn’t ask for your opinion.”
If you dare to suggest a narcissist consider an alternative perspective, prepare to be swiftly shut down. They often interpret any feedback, however gentle, as a personal affront. Even if you’re coming from a place of care and collaboration, they’ll treat your input like an attack on their authority. This defensiveness is a way to maintain their delusion of already being perfect. A healthy partner welcomes open dialogue, but narcissists treat their views as gospel not to be questioned.
5. “You’re being paranoid, I never said that.”
Narcissists will often deny things you know they said in an attempt to erode your reality and make you question your sanity. This is textbook gaslighting. If they tell you your memory can’t be trusted or your perceptions are skewed, that’s a huge red flag. A supportive partner will strive to understand your viewpoint, not undermine it at every turn. Don’t let them rewrite history to edit out their missteps — trust your lived experience over their fabrications.
6. “You’re lucky I put up with you.”
Narcissists have a knack for making their victims feel like they’re difficult to love and no one else would tolerate them. These messages are designed to make you feel indebted to the narcissist for deigning to stay with you despite your supposed massive shortcomings. In truth, this is projection — they’re the ones who are intolerable to be around. Don’t let them destroy your self-worth. You are inherently lovable and deserving of respect, full stop.
7. “I need you to reply quicker when I text you.”
Narcissists often expect their partners to be at their beck and call 24/7 and will pout or rage if you’re not immediately responsive. They feel entitled to your time and attention on demand, regardless of what else you have going on. If they sulk because you don’t jump when they say jump, that’s a red flag. A mature partner understands you have a life outside of them and won’t punish you for not revolving your schedule around their whims.
8. “Don’t you want to make me happy?”
This is a manipulative appeal to your people-pleasing instincts. Narcissists will often frame their selfish requests as opportunities for you to prove your devotion. If you hesitate, they’ll act wounded and make you feel like a monster for having needs of your own. Don’t fall for this guilt-mongering. Your sole purpose in life is not to cater to their every desire at the expense of your own well-being. A caring partner wants a balanced give and take, not a servant.
9. “If you don’t like it, there’s the door.”
Narcissists will often threaten abandonment if you express a complaint or stand up for yourself. Rather than working to find a compromise, they’ll jump straight to all-or-nothing ultimatums to keep you in line. This tactic preys on your fear of losing them and keeps you walking on eggshells. Know this: a partner who won’t stick around to work through conflicts in good faith is not one worth bending over backwards to appease. Call their bluff with your head held high.
10. “Why do you need to see them? Aren’t I enough?”
Narcissists often try to isolate their partners from friends and family in order to maintain control and have a monopoly on your focus. If they’re jealous of your time with other loved ones or make you feel guilty for having a social life, that’s a huge red flag. No one person can meet all of another’s needs, and it’s healthy to have a robust support system. Don’t let a narcissist pressure you to shrink your world to revolve around only them.
11. “If you cared about me, you’d already know what I need.”
Narcissists often expect you to read their mind and will punish you for not intuiting their unspoken desires. If you ask for clarification on their needs, they’ll accuse you of not paying attention or loving them enough to just know. This is an impossible standard designed to keep you constantly scrambling. A healthy partner will communicate directly, not expect you to be a mind-reader. Don’t take the bait when a narcissist tries to frame you as neglectful for being human.
12. “I did that one nice thing for you, so you owe me.”
Narcissists view every good deed as a deposit they’re entitled to collect interest on later. No act of kindness is truly selfless with them — it’s all about bolstering their image and creating leverage. If they’re keeping a tally of their favours and cashing them in for your compliance, that’s not generosity, it’s manipulation. A real partner gives without strings attached, from a place of care rather than calculation. Don’t let a narcissist use their “kindness” to control you.
13. “You’re too sensitive, I was just joking.”
Source: Unsplash Narcissists often disguise their cruelty as humour and then attack your sense of reality if you get upset. If their alleged jokes always come at your expense and leave you feeling small, that’s emotional abuse, not comedy. Humour that demeans and degrades is just thinly veiled hostility. A loving partner will never derive pleasure from repeatedly wounding you and then mocking your pain. Don’t gaslight yourself into believing you’re humorless for refusing to laugh off their jibes.
14. “Why are you getting so emotional? Calm down.”
Source: Unsplash Narcissists have a way of inciting conflict and then using your fired-up reaction as proof that you’re the unhinged one. If you get heated in response to their provocations, they’ll feign concern for your mental state and act like your feelings are the real problem. This blame-shifting enables them to take no responsibility for their button-pushing behaviour. Don’t let them reframe their bullying as merely a response to your instability — they’re the ones wielding emotions as weapons.
15. “I’m the only one who will ever truly understand you.”
Source: Unsplash Narcissists often try to position themselves as the sole person who can fully see and appreciate your unique qualities. These messages of specialness are designed to make you feel like you’ve found your perfect soulmate, but it’s really just a setup for creating dependency. If they follow these grandiose overtures with comments about how everyone else is against you, that’s a huge warning sign. Don’t let their love-bombing blind you to the fact that you are seen, valued, and cherished by many.
