Abandonment issues can show up in relationships in all kinds of ways, sometimes without us even noticing.
Maybe it stems all the way back to childhood, or perhaps a previous relationship left them feeling alone and unsupported. However, carrying these issues into future relationships isn’t helpful. If you catch yourself or a partner doing these things, it might be time to look a what’s going on and start addressing the root cause.
1. They’re scared of being alone.
Source: Unsplash People with abandonment issues often struggle with being alone, even for a little while. It’s like there’s this constant need for reassurance that someone’s there, which can get intense. We all need time apart to stay balanced, so this fear can add a lot of pressure.
2. They need a lot of reassurance.
Everyone needs a confidence boost sometimes, but if someone’s asking for reassurance every other minute, it could be about more than just feeling secure. This can turn into a cycle where one person constantly seeks validation, which isn’t exactly stress-free for either partner. A little trust goes a long way.
3. They’re moving too fast.
Saying “I love you” on the second date or talking about the future right away can seem like enthusiasm, but sometimes it’s about trying to lock things in before anything goes wrong. Rushing doesn’t let things grow naturally and can make it feel more like a sprint than a steady walk.
4. They have trust issues that linger even after you’ve proven yourself.
Having a hard time trusting someone, even if they’ve never given a reason to worry, can be a sign that they’ve been betrayed in the past. Constant suspicion can weigh a relationship down. Trust takes time to build, and letting it happen naturally can make everything a bit easier.
5. They get jealous over little things.
A bit of jealousy here and there is normal, but if every small thing feels like a threat, it can start creating real issues. Getting worked up over innocent interactions isn’t fun for anyone, and it often comes from insecurity. Building confidence in the relationship can make a big difference.
6. They’re constantly “checking in”.
Needing to know where someone is or who they’re with at all times can feel overwhelming. It can make a partner feel like they’re under a microscope, which isn’t great for trust. Giving each other some space creates a healthier balance for both people.
7. They avoid conflict like the plague.
Some people with abandonment fears steer clear of arguments altogether, worried it could lead to a breakup. But avoiding issues only makes them build up under the surface. Working through conflicts together, instead of dodging them, can actually make things stronger.
8. They’re always putting everyone else first.
Self-sacrificing behaviour is often a way to “prove” worthiness in the relationship, but it can lead to feeling drained. Relationships work best when both people’s needs are considered, not when one person is constantly over-giving. Balance makes a partnership feel fair.
9. They read too much into things.
If every small gesture or tone of voice feels like it has some hidden meaning, it can create unnecessary stress. Overanalysing can add tension, and a lot of times, things aren’t as serious as they seem. Letting things be what they are can save everyone a lot of energy.
10. They struggle with independence.
Relying on a partner for every bit of happiness or security can put pressure on the relationship. A healthy partnership is made up of two individuals who are happy both together and on their own. Feeling secure in independence strengthens the bond rather than weakens it.
11. They push people away before they get close.
Sometimes, people with abandonment issues keep their guard up or distance themselves, thinking they’ll get hurt if they open up. Ironically, this can prevent real connections from forming. Taking small steps to let someone in can make a big difference over time.
12. They have very strong reactions to minor issues.
Overreacting to small misunderstandings can signal a fear that the relationship might be at risk. It’s exhausting for both partners when minor things feel like big threats. Learning to trust the relationship’s stability helps calm these reactions and creates a smoother dynamic.
13. They need constant “proof” of your love.
It’s normal to want to feel loved, but asking for constant reminders can start to feel exhausting for both people. When someone frequently needs reassurance of their partner’s feelings, it often points to insecurities within. Finding a bit of security within can help break this cycle.
14. They can’t bring themselves to let go of the past.
Past abandonment can be hard to move past, and old wounds sometimes creep into new relationships. Without realising it, some people keep expecting things to go wrong. Working on letting go of past hurt can allow new relationships to unfold with more ease and trust.
15. They avoid being vulnerable.
People with abandonment fears may feel nervous about showing their true selves, worried that being too open could lead to rejection. But without vulnerability, real intimacy is tough to build. Letting down the guard, little by little, helps create a stronger, more trusting bond.
