Selfishness in a relationship isn’t as obvious as you might expect.
When you’re caught up in the honeymoon phase, you’re more likely to overlook the dodgy signs that your partner is more focused on themselves than you or the relationship. If these things are happening, sadly, you have a selfish partner.
1. They always choose the restaurant without asking for your input.
It’s date night, and once again, you’re headed to their favourite spot without so much as a “Where do you fancy going?” This might seem small, but it’s a sign they’re not considering your preferences. Try suggesting places you’d like to try, and if they resist, have a chat about taking turns choosing.
2. Your partner never asks about your day.
You come home bursting to share your news, but they launch into a monologue about their day without pausing for breath. When this happens, gently interrupt and say, “I’d love to hear about your day, but can I share something exciting that happened to me first?” It’s about creating a balance in your conversations.
3. They forget important dates that matter to you.
Your birthday, your work presentation, your gran’s funeral — these slip their mind, but heaven forbid you forget something important to them. Start by reminding them a few days in advance of significant events. If it continues, have a heart-to-heart about why these dates matter to you.
4. Your partner criticises your friends and family.
They always have something negative to say about the people you care about, making you feel torn and uncomfortable. Stand your ground and explain that while they don’t have to love your loved ones, respecting them is non-negotiable. Encourage them to find common ground or at least be civil.
5. They dominate the TV remote and never let you choose what to watch.
Movie night? More like their personal film festival. Suggest alternating who gets to pick the entertainment each time. If they resist, it might be time for a conversation about sharing decision-making in your relationship, starting with something as simple as TV choices.
6. Your partner expects you to change plans at the last minute to suit them.
You’ve had plans with friends for weeks, but suddenly, they want you to cancel because they’re bored. It’s okay to say no. Explain that while you love spending time with them, honouring commitments is important to you. Encourage them to make their own plans when you’re busy.
7. They never compromise during arguments.
Every disagreement ends with you giving in because they refuse to budge. Next time you’re at odds, try saying, “I understand your point of view, but I feel like my perspective isn’t being considered. Can we find a middle ground?” If they still won’t compromise, it might be time for a serious talk about mutual respect.
8. Your partner takes credit for your ideas or achievements.
Whether it’s at work or among friends, they have a habit of claiming your brilliant ideas as their own. Call them out privately, explaining how it makes you feel. If they genuinely care about you, they’ll make an effort to give credit where it’s due in the future.
9. They make decisions that affect you both without consulting you.
Suddenly, they’ve booked a holiday or made a big purchase without even mentioning it to you. Express your feelings calmly but firmly: “I feel sidelined when you make big decisions without me. Can we discuss these things together in the future?” It’s about being a team, after all.
10. Your partner never offers to help with chores or errands.
The dishes pile up, the laundry overflows, but they’re glued to their phone. Start by dividing tasks fairly and clearly. If they still slack off, have an honest conversation about shared responsibilities and how their lack of help makes you feel overwhelmed and undervalued.
11. They dismiss your emotions as ‘overreacting’.
Whenever you express hurt or anger, they brush it off or tell you you’re being too sensitive. Stand your ground and say, “My feelings are valid, even if you don’t understand them. I need you to listen and try to understand my perspective.” If they continue to dismiss you, it might indicate a lack of emotional maturity or empathy.
12. Your partner constantly interrupts or talks over you.
You can barely finish a sentence before they jump in with their thoughts. When this happens, calmly say, “I wasn’t finished speaking. Please let me complete my thought.” If it’s a persistent issue, discuss the importance of active listening and mutual respect in your communication.
13. They expect expensive gifts, but rarely reciprocate.
Birthdays and holidays become a one-way street of generosity. It’s not about the money, but the thought and effort. Express that while you enjoy treating them, you’d appreciate if they put more thought into gestures for you, even if they’re not expensive. It’s the sentiment that counts.
14. Your partner never apologises, even when they’re clearly in the wrong.
Admitting fault seems impossible for them, leaving you feeling gaslighted and frustrated. Try leading by example — apologise when you’re wrong and explain why it’s important. If they still can’t say sorry, it might be time to evaluate whether this relationship can truly be equal and healthy.
15. They make you feel guilty for spending time on your hobbies or interests.
Every time you want to do something for yourself, they sulk or make passive-aggressive comments. Firmly explain that having individual interests is healthy for both of you and the relationship. Encourage them to pursue their own hobbies, too, showing that personal time doesn’t diminish your love for each other.
