Even the most attentive parents can miss signs that their adult children are having a tough time.
Life gets busy, and as kids grow up, they often learn to mask their struggles to avoid worrying their parents, and because they want to assert their independence and prove they can handle everything on their own. If you’ve been wondering whether your child might be going through a tough time, keep an eye out for these signs — they might just prove your gut feeling was right. And while you may not be able to solve their problem, you can at least provide support and encouragement.
1. They seem distant or less communicative.
If your once-chatty child now keeps their updates short or avoids calls altogether, it could be more than just being busy. They might be pulling away because they’re feeling overwhelmed or don’t know how to talk about what’s going on. A little extra patience and open-ended questions can encourage them to share more.
2. They avoid discussing their personal life.
When adult kids dodge questions about work, relationships, or their social life, it could be a sign they’re struggling. They might feel embarrassed or unsure how to explain challenges they’re facing. Letting them know it’s okay to open up without fear of judgment can make a huge difference.
3. They’ve had a noticeable change in mood.
Persistent irritability, sadness, or apathy could point to underlying stress or mental health struggles. These mood shifts aren’t always just “having a bad day”—they might be signs of deeper issues. Checking in with genuine concern can help them feel supported and seen.
4. They’re not taking care of themselves.
If your child mentions skipping meals, neglecting their appearance, or feeling too tired to do basic tasks, it’s a potential red flag. Sometimes, this stems from burnout, anxiety, or depression. Offering practical support, like a visit or a home-cooked meal, can help lighten their load.
5. They’re unusually defensive when you ask questions.
If simple questions about their well-being are met with defensiveness or frustration, it might mean they’re feeling overwhelmed. This reaction often comes from feeling pressured or vulnerable. Reassuring them that you’re asking out of care and not criticism can help ease their defensiveness.
6. They cancel plans more often than usual.
Frequent last-minute cancellations or reluctance to commit to plans could indicate that they’re struggling with energy, anxiety, or other challenges. Instead of taking it personally, offering flexible or low-pressure ways to connect can make it easier for them to say yes.
7. They mention work stress more than usual.
If they’re frequently venting about work deadlines, difficult colleagues, or job dissatisfaction, it might be more than just a stressful week. Chronic work stress can affect all aspects of their life. Encouraging them to find balance or consider alternatives can show that you’re in their corner.
8. They’ve pulled away from friendships or hobbies.
A sudden lack of interest in things they used to enjoy can be a sign they’re struggling emotionally. Whether it’s skipping out on social events or giving up a hobby they loved, this withdrawal often signals a need for extra care. Gently encouraging them to reconnect with what they love can help.
9. They talk about feeling stuck or lost.
Comments like, “I don’t know what I’m doing with my life,” or, “I feel like I’m falling behind,” are strong indicators that they’re grappling with self-doubt. Reminding them that life isn’t a race and sharing your own stories of figuring things out can offer reassurance.
10. They’ve had changes in their sleeping patterns.
Whether they’re sleeping too much or too little, changes in sleep habits can point to stress or mental health struggles. It might seem minor, but sleep is often one of the first areas affected when someone is overwhelmed. A gentle conversation about what’s keeping them up—or making them feel drained—can open the door to understanding their struggles better.
11. They’re constantly worrying about money.
If financial stress dominates their conversations, it could be weighing on them more than they let on. While offering money isn’t always the solution, sharing budgeting tips or just listening can help them feel less alone in handling their finances. Empathy often means more than advice.
12. They avoid talking about future plans.
Shying away from conversations about where they see themselves in a year or five years could mean they’re feeling uncertain or overwhelmed about their path. Rather than pressing for details, encouraging small, manageable steps can help them feel less stuck and more optimistic.
13. They’re struggling to stay organised.
If they mention constantly forgetting things, missing deadlines, or feeling like they’re juggling too much, it could be a sign of burnout or difficulty coping. Helping them brainstorm small ways to get back on track—like using planners or setting reminders—can provide a supportive nudge without being overbearing.
14. They seem overly self-critical.
If they’re frequently putting themselves down or making negative comments about their abilities, it’s often a sign of deeper insecurities. Hearing these things as a parent can be tough, but reminding them of their strengths and past achievements can counterbalance the negativity they’re feeling.
15. They seem reluctant to ask for help.
Many adult children worry about disappointing their parents or appearing weak, so they avoid admitting they’re struggling. If you sense they need support but won’t ask, letting them know you’re there for them without judgment can open the door for them to share. Sometimes, just hearing “You don’t have to do this alone” can mean the world.
