Relationships are complex, and sometimes, it’s like trying to decipher a secret code where the signals aren’t always clear. Emotionally abusive relationships can be particularly challenging to identify because they often start subtly and escalate gradually. However, certain signs can help you recognize if you’re in this kind of situation.
1. They constantly criticise and belittle you.
One of the hallmarks of emotional abuse is persistent criticism and belittlement. It’s more than the occasional disagreement or constructive feedback. This type of criticism is designed to erode your self-esteem and make you feel worthless. It might be disguised as jokes or “just teasing,” but the underlying message is clear: you’re not good enough.
2. They isolate you from your friends and family.
An emotionally abusive person might try to control your social life by limiting your contact with friends and family. They may make you feel guilty about spending time with others, create drama when you socialize, or even spread rumours to damage your relationships. The goal is to make you dependent on them, cutting you off from your support system.
3. They gaslight you.
Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic that makes you question your own sanity and reality. It involves denying your experiences, twisting the truth, and making you doubt your memories and perceptions. For instance, they might deny saying something hurtful, accuse you of being “too sensitive,” or convince you that you’re imagining things.
4. They control your finances.
Financial control is another common sign of emotional abuse. This could involve limiting your access to money, demanding a detailed accounting of your spending, or preventing you from working or pursuing education. It’s a way for them to exert power and control over your life, making you feel trapped and helpless.
5. They emotionally withhold affection and attention.
Source: Unsplash Emotional withholding is a form of manipulation where the abuser gives affection and attention only when you meet their demands or behave in a certain way, Psych Central explains. They might use silent treatment, ignore your needs, or shower you with affection one moment and withdraw it the next. This creates an emotional rollercoaster, leaving you constantly seeking their approval and validation.
6. They have extreme mood swings.
While everyone experiences mood fluctuations, an emotionally abusive person’s mood swings are often dramatic and unpredictable. They might go from charming and loving to angry and verbally abusive in a matter of minutes. This can create a sense of walking on eggshells, where you’re constantly trying to avoid triggering their next outburst.
7. They blame you for their problems.
An emotionally abusive person will rarely take responsibility for their own actions or emotions. Instead, they’ll blame you for their problems, failures, and shortcomings. They might say things like, “You make me so angry,” or “If you hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t have lost my temper.” This shifts the blame onto you and makes you feel responsible for their happiness and well-being.
8. They invade your privacy.
Source: Unsplash Emotional abuse can also manifest as a lack of respect for your privacy. They might go through your phone, emails, or social media accounts without your permission. They might track your whereabouts, question your relationships and conversations with other people, or demand to know where you are at all times. This invasion of privacy is a way for them to exert control and monitor your behaviour.
9. They make you feel guilty for expressing your emotions.
Source: Unsplash An emotionally abusive person may try to invalidate your feelings by making you feel guilty or ashamed for expressing them. If you’re upset, they might accuse you of being “too emotional” or “overreacting.” If you’re happy, they might find a way to dampen your joy by reminding you of past problems or bringing up something negative. This can make you hesitate to share your emotions, leaving you feeling unheard and invalidated.
10. They threaten you.
Source: Unsplash Threats are a serious red flag in any relationship. An emotionally abusive person might threaten to hurt themselves, hurt you, or hurt someone you care about. These threats can be explicit (“If you leave me, I’ll kill myself”) or implied (“You wouldn’t want anything bad to happen to your family, would you?”). Regardless of how they’re delivered, threats create a climate of fear and intimidation, making it difficult to leave the relationship.
11. They undermine your achievements.
Instead of celebrating your successes, an emotionally abusive person might downplay your achievements or attribute them to luck or external factors. They might say things like, “You only got that promotion because you’re friends with the boss,” or “Anyone could have done what you did.” This undermines your confidence and self-worth, making you question your abilities and accomplishments.
12. They use sarcasm and put-downs as humour.
While a little playful teasing can be fun, emotionally abusive people often use sarcasm and put-downs as a form of humour. Their jokes are often at your expense, designed to humiliate you or make you feel inferior. If you express discomfort or ask them to stop, they might accuse you of being “too sensitive” or lacking a sense of humour.
13. They constantly compare you to other people.
An emotionally abusive person might frequently compare you to other people, highlighting their strengths and your perceived weaknesses. This could involve comparing your appearance, intelligence, career, or social skills. The goal is to make you feel inadequate and insecure, constantly striving to measure up to their unrealistic standards.
14. They make you feel like you’re walking on eggshells.
One of the most insidious effects of emotional abuse is the constant feeling of walking on eggshells. You might find yourself constantly monitoring your words and actions, trying to avoid triggering their anger or disapproval. This can lead to anxiety, hypervigilance, and a loss of spontaneity and joy in the relationship.
15. They refuse to apologize or acknowledge their hurtful behaviour.
A hallmark of emotional abuse is a lack of remorse or accountability. Even when confronted with their hurtful behaviour, an emotionally abusive person might refuse to apologize or acknowledge the pain they’ve caused. They might deflect blame, minimize the impact of their actions, or simply deny that they did anything wrong. This lack of accountability makes it difficult to resolve conflicts and rebuild trust in the relationship.
