We all like to feel appreciated—it’s human nature.
However, for some people, the need for validation goes much deeper. They’re not just looking for occasional reassurance; they crave constant approval, often without realising it. And while they might not come right out and say, “Please tell me I’m good enough,” their behaviours tell a different story.
Whether it’s overexplaining themselves, fishing for compliments, or hesitating to make decisions on their own, these little habits reveal a deeper struggle with self-trust and self-worth. If you notice someone doing these things often, it could be a sign that they’re quietly searching for validation. Here are a few different ways this pattern shows up without them ever putting it into words.
1. They always ask, “Do you think I did the right thing?”
Making decisions, no matter how big or small, feels like a minefield for someone who relies on external validation. Even after making a choice, they need tons of reassurance from other people and are always asking if they handled things the right way.
Even if you tell them they did just fine, they’ll likely ask again, just in a slightly different way. They’re not trying to be annoying; they just struggle to trust their own judgement and need constant confirmation that they made the right call.
2. They bring up their achievements but downplay them.
If someone casually mentions something impressive they did, only to immediately brush it off, it’s often a way of fishing for validation. They might say, “Oh, it wasn’t a big deal,” or “I just got lucky,” while secretly hoping you’ll insist it *was* a big deal.
They want to feel proud of themselves, but they struggle to unless someone else confirms that they should be. So, they bring it up in a way that invites you to validate them without making it obvious. Of course, it’s clear what’s happening to everyone else!
3. They post on social media a lot, especially about their successes.
There’s nothing wrong with sharing highlights on social media, but if someone is constantly posting about their achievements, their appearance, or their personal life in a way that seems attention-seeking, it could be a sign they’re looking for external validation.
Likes, comments, and praise from other people, even if it’s total strangers, give them a temporary confidence boost. Of course, when that validation fades, so does their sense of self-worth, leaving them needing another hit.
4. They over-apologise for things that don’t need an apology.
“Sorry for bothering you.” “Sorry for talking too much.” “Sorry for having an opinion.” If someone constantly apologises, even for things that aren’t remotely offensive, they’re likely looking for reassurance that they’re not upsetting or annoying anyone.
They might be afraid of taking up too much space or being seen as a burden, so they overcompensate with unnecessary apologies, hoping someone will reassure them that they’re okay.
5. They check in excessively after sending a message.
If you don’t respond right away, they follow up with, “I hope I didn’t say anything weird,” or “Are you mad at me?” even when there’s no reason to think you are. There’s no issue, of course, but in their mind, there might be.
They’re not just being polite; they’re deeply anxious about being misunderstood or unliked. Without immediate feedback, they assume the worst, which only fuels their need for constant reassurance.
6. They hesitate to make even small decisions alone.
Choosing what to wear, what to eat, or what to text someone shouldn’t be stressful, but for someone who doesn’t trust themselves, even minor decisions feel overwhelming. They tend to check in with other people before making a choice, asking, “What do you think I should do?” because they don’t trust their own instincts enough to make the call on their own.
7. They repeat compliments they’ve received.
They might say, “My boss told me I did a great job,” or “Someone said they love my outfit today,” in a way that invites you to confirm it. They’re not just sharing good news; they’re testing the waters to see if you’ll offer the same validation.
One compliment isn’t always enough for them. They need repeated reassurance that they’re doing well or that they look good, or else they start to doubt it.
8. They work extra hard to be likeable.
They’re the ones making sure everyone’s laughing, mediating conflicts, and going out of their way to please people. While they may genuinely enjoy being kind, part of it comes from a deep need to be liked and accepted. They often struggle with the idea that just being themselves is enough. So, they overextend themselves, hoping that their efforts will earn them the validation they crave.
9. They get defensive when questioned.
Even if someone offers constructive feedback, they may take it personally and feel the need to explain, justify, or prove themselves. It’s not just about disagreeing; it’s about feeling like they need to “earn back” approval.
Criticism, even when it’s well-intended, can feel like a direct attack on their worth. Instead of processing it, they rush to defend themselves so they don’t lose the validation they’ve worked so hard to gain.
10. They constantly ask for reassurance in relationships.
They tend to ask things like, “Are we okay?” or “Do you still love me?” even when there’s no sign that anything is wrong. It’s not that they don’t trust you—they don’t trust that they’re lovable enough to be secure in the relationship. They need regular reminders that they are wanted because, deep down, they struggle to hold onto that belief on their own.
11. They have a hard time accepting compliments.
When you compliment them, they deflect. “Oh, this old thing?” or “I could have done better.” Instead of just saying “thank you,” they downplay the praise because they don’t fully believe they deserve it. At the same time, they still *need* to hear it. They just don’t know how to internalise it in a way that lasts.
12. They analyse every conversation to figure out how the other person saw them.
After a conversation, they overthink every little detail. “Did I say something dumb?” “Were they annoyed with me?” “Did I sound weird?” Even if nothing went wrong, they assume they must have messed up somehow. That constant self-analysis means they’re always looking for reassurance that they weren’t judged negatively.
13. They compare themselves to other people out loud.
They might say things like, “I’m not as funny as them,” or “I wish I had their confidence,” but secretly, they’re waiting for you to reassure them. They’re hoping you’ll say, “Are you kidding? You’re amazing!” They don’t just compare themselves internally; they verbalise it, subtly asking for other people to give them the validation they need.
14. They worry about being a burden.
Even when asking for small favours, they make a big deal about not wanting to inconvenience anyone. “Are you sure it’s okay? I don’t want to be a bother.” What they’re really looking for is validation that they are wanted, that they’re not an inconvenience, and that people care about them.
15. They don’t feel “good enough” unless someone else confirms it.
At the root of it all, they struggle to believe in their own worth. Without external validation, they feel lost. Their self-esteem rises and falls based on what other people say, leaving them in a constant cycle of chasing approval. They may not say it outright, but their actions reveal a quiet desperation for reassurance that they are valued, seen, and enough.
