Being a kind and considerate person is a wonderful quality, but as with most things, it’s possible to have too much of a good thing.
Sometimes, being too nice can lead to feeling unappreciated, taken advantage of, or simply burnt out. It’s important to strike a balance between being compassionate and assertive so that you don’t end up becoming a doormat. Here are some signs you might need to dial back your niceness a bit, for your own good.
1. You struggle to say ‘no’.
Source: Unsplash Do you find yourself constantly agreeing to everything people ask of you, even when you’re already overwhelmed or don’t really want to? People-pleasing can be a trap that leaves you feeling resentful and stretched too thin. It’s okay to say no sometimes; it’s not selfish, it’s self-preservation.
2. You apologise all the time, even when you’ve done nothing wrong.
Are you constantly apologising, even for things that aren’t your fault? Over-apologising can destroy your self-worth and make you seem less confident. Remember, you don’t need to apologise for existing or for having needs and boundaries.
3. You put everyone else’s needs before your own, every time.
Do you neglect your own needs to make sure everyone else’s are met all the time? It’s admirable to be helpful and supportive, but it’s important to remember that you matter too. Taking care of yourself is not selfish; it’s necessary for your well-being.
4. You avoid conflict at all costs.
Source: Unsplash Do you go out of your way to avoid disagreements or uncomfortable conversations, even when it’s important to speak up? A little diplomacy is healthy, of course, but constantly suppressing your feelings or avoiding conflict can lead to resentment and unresolved issues. Learn to assert yourself and express your needs constructively.
5. You feel responsible for other people’s happiness.
Source: Unsplash Do you feel like it’s your job to make sure everyone around you is happy, even at the expense of your own mental, emotional, and even physical health? Remember, you’re not responsible for other people’s emotions. Everyone is responsible for their own happiness.
6. You struggle to set boundaries.
Source: Unsplash Do people often overstep your boundaries or take advantage of your generosity? If you find it hard to set clear limits and communicate your needs, it can lead to feeling overwhelmed and resentful. Learn to say no, establish healthy boundaries, and protect your time and energy.
7. You have trouble receiving compliments or gifts.
Source: Unsplash Do you deflect compliments or feel uncomfortable receiving gifts? This could be a sign that you struggle with self-worth and feel undeserving of kindness or recognition. Learn to accept compliments graciously and appreciate people’s generosity.
8. You feel guilty for expressing your needs.
Source: Unsplash Do you feel bad for asking for help or saying what you need? This could stem from a belief that your needs are less important than other people’s, or that you’re a burden. Remember, your needs are valid, and it’s okay to ask for support when you need it.
9. You often get taken advantage of.
Source: Unsplash Do people always ask you for favours, borrow money, or impose on your time without reciprocating? If you’re constantly being taken advantage of, it’s a sign that you need to establish firmer boundaries and learn to say no. Your kindness shouldn’t be exploited.
10. You find it hard to express your true feelings.
Source: Unsplash Do you suppress your emotions or avoid expressing your true opinions, especially if they might upset someone? While being considerate is important, it’s also crucial to be honest and authentic. Bottling up your feelings can lead to resentment and emotional distress.
11. You’re always the one making compromises.
Source: Unsplash In relationships and social situations, are you always the one bending over backwards to accommodate other people, even when it’s inconvenient or unfair to you? Healthy relationships involve compromise from both sides. If you’re constantly sacrificing your needs to please everyone else, it’s time to re-evaluate those relationships.
12. You don’t take constructive criticism well.
Source: Unsplash Do you take criticism personally or feel devastated when someone points out your flaws? While it’s important to be receptive to feedback, it’s also crucial to distinguish between constructive criticism and personal attacks. Learn to filter feedback objectively and focus on self-improvement, not self-criticism.
13. You feel resentful or unappreciated.
Source: Unsplash If your kindness and generosity are consistently met with indifference or ingratitude, it’s natural to feel resentful. If you find yourself feeling unappreciated or taken for granted, it’s time to re-evaluate your relationships and set healthier boundaries.
14. You struggle to prioritise your own goals and dreams.
Do you constantly put your own aspirations on hold to help other people achieve theirs? While supporting the people you care about is admirable, it’s important to remember your own goals and dreams. Make time for your passions and pursue the things that bring you joy and fulfilment.
15. You feel like you’re constantly giving more than you’re receiving.
Healthy relationships involve a balance of give and take. If you feel like you’re constantly giving more than you’re receiving, it’s a sign that the relationship might be one-sided. It’s okay to re-evaluate such relationships and prioritise those that are mutually beneficial and supportive.
