Controlling people rarely give direct orders.
They tend to be much subtler than that, using sly, underhanded phrases that manipulate and guilt-trip you into getting their way. Their comments can seem harmless at first, but they’re designed to steer both your decisions and your behaviour. Here are some of the things you’re likely to hear these people say.
1. “I’m just looking out for you.”
Source: Unsplash This sounds supportive, but it often masks an attempt to influence your choices. It implies that they know what’s best for you, and if you don’t follow their advice, you’re making a mistake. Instead of offering genuine help, they’re using concern to justify their control.
2. “You’re being too touchy and sensitive.”
When you express discomfort or disagreement, they dismiss your feelings as overreactions. This invalidates your emotions and makes you question your own judgment. It’s a way to deflect responsibility and pressure you into accepting their behaviour.
3. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”
It sounds like harmless advice, but it’s a subtle way of steering your choices. They’re implying that your decision is wrong or risky, without giving you the space to make your own call. The phrase plants doubt in your mind, nudging you toward their preferred option.
4. “After everything I’ve done for you…”
This guilt-laden statement is designed to make you feel obligated to comply. By highlighting their supposed sacrifices, they make it hard for you to say no. Instead of an open discussion, you’re pressured into doing what they want out of guilt or a sense of debt.
5. “I’m the only one who really understands you.”
They’re trying to isolate you by making you believe that no one else gets you like they do. This creates dependence, making you feel like you can’t rely on anyone else. It’s a sneaky way to keep you close and limit your support network.
6. “Don’t you trust me?”
This weaponises trust, making it seem like questioning them is a betrayal. It creates a false dilemma: if you trust them, you’ll go along with their plan; if you don’t, you’re the one causing issues. It’s a subtle way to discourage doubt or independence.
7. “You’ll never find someone who cares about you as much as I do.”
This statement is meant to make you doubt your worth and options. They want you to believe that their care or affection is irreplaceable. It’s a tactic to make you feel trapped and prevent you from questioning their behaviour.
8. “I’m only saying this because I care.”
They use this phrase to justify harsh criticism or unsolicited advice. By framing their comment as caring, they deflect any objections you might have. It’s a way to control your choices while avoiding accountability for being overbearing.
9. “You always do this.”
They generalise your actions to make you feel like your behaviour is a recurring problem. This shifts focus away from the issue at hand and places blame on you. It’s a way to shut down discussion and make you feel like the one who needs to change.
10. “I know you better than you know yourself.”
They’re claiming authority over your thoughts and feelings, implying you can’t trust your own instincts. This is meant to make you doubt yourself and rely on their judgment instead. It’s a way to keep you second-guessing your own decisions.
11. “If you really cared about me, you’d do this.”
They use this emotional manipulation to tie your love or loyalty to a specific action. It’s a way to pressure you into compliance by making you feel that saying no means you don’t care. Genuine care shouldn’t come with conditions attached.
12. “Everyone else agrees with me.”
They invoke the opinions of unnamed other people to make you feel isolated or outnumbered. This is meant to pressure you into conformity by implying you’re the odd one out. It’s a sneaky way to make you doubt your stance without offering real evidence.
13. “You wouldn’t understand.”
They use this phrase to shut down discussions and make you feel excluded or inferior. It implies that your perspective or intelligence isn’t enough to grasp the situation. It’s a tactic to avoid explaining themselves and keep you in the dark.
14. “You’re lucky to have me.”
This statement makes you feel like they’re doing you a favour by being in your life. It undermines your sense of worth, suggesting that you should be grateful for their presence. It’s a way to make you feel like you can’t do better or deserve less.
15. “I guess I’ll just have to do it myself.”
This passive-aggressive phrase is designed to make you feel guilty for not complying with their wishes. They’re framing themselves as the self-sacrificing one, hoping you’ll step in to “save” them from the burden. It’s a subtle guilt trip masked as resignation.
